Post by Jman2k3 on Jun 19, 2023 4:27:32 GMT
Chaos 033
Event Date: June 18, 2023
The show returns to ringside to once again find Joe Hoffman looking perplexed by Evan Ward’s antics and Benny Newell amused by them.
Benny Newell: That was the best interview I’ve ever seen!
Joe Hoffman: What on earth even was that, Benny? I don’t blame Brian Bare for walking off, that whole thing was such a joke!
Benny Newell: And a fucking funny one at that! Can you believe he’s still such a douchebag even when he’s in a coma? I can’t wait to see him in the ring!
Joe Hoffman: He’s catatonic, not in a coma. And I can’t condone any of this, it’s tantamount to cruelty to put him in the ring in this state.
Benny Newell: You’re such a bigot, Joe. Just because he’s stuck in a wheelchair doesn’t mean he can’t wrestle.
Joe Hoffman: He can’t even blink, let alone throw a punch! Anyway, we need to move on because next up we have Scott Stevens taking on Rhys Townsend. Hot off his dominant win over Zach Kostoff last week, it will be interesting to see how Townsend fairs over a fellow Hall of Famer.
Benny Newell: Joe, this is another case of win-win for us all. Whoever gets the shit beat out of them it’s a win for us, if they both kill each other then its a double win!
The arena lights and screens turn off as the klaxon sounds, filling the air with it’s abrasiveness. The sound of boots stomping starts quietly, and slowly builds into it’s clear crescendo as Corey Taylor’s monologue begins
“This is the year where hope fails you.
The test subjects run the experiments,
And the bastards you know,
Is the hero you hate.
But cohesion is possible if we strive.
There’s no reason,
There’s no lesson,
No time like the present.
Tell me right now,
What have you got to lose?
What have you got to lose,
Except your soul?
Who’s with us!”
Immediately after this, the klaxon and boots fade out, and the aural assault begins, the drums booming through the sound system with military precision, the riffs stuttering over the top like machine guns. The music quickly drops into a brief fill, accentuated by a big fuck off pyrotechnic explosion right in the centre of the stage. It’s around this time that the screen sparks back into life, showing a fairly simple, barebones video of Townsend hitting some cool moves and looking generally cool. Like professional wrestler entrance videos generally do.
The man himself appears after the explosion, towel wrapped around his neck. There’s no real pizzazz to his entrance, it’s why he put a big fuck off explosion in it.
Bryan McVay: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit, introducing first, hailing from Llanelli, Wales, he weighs in at 273lbs, RRRHHYYYYYSSSSS TOOOOOOOWWWNNNNSSSSEEENNNDDD!
He walks from ramp to ring, not stopping, not acknowledging anyone, carrying the face of someone totally focused. There’s no wasted movement as he walks up the steps, wiping his feet on the apron before climbing into the ring, discarding the towel he’d been wearing around his neck to one of the ring attendants, ready to do some wrestling.
The lights in the arena go black as the sound of bells are heard throughout the arena as the High Octane Vision comes to life as images begin to appear.
Shattered murals.
An abandoned church falling apart.
A field of tombstones.
The Book of Best with the Cross of Best driven through it with blood pouring down it.
The blood pours down into it forms the words…..
THE….DEMI….GOD….OF….H….O….W
The crowd knows who is about to walk out and they are letting him know it by cheering and chanting a chant not heard outside of Quito:
“WE LOVE YOU, STEVENS!” Clap x5
Benny Newell: What the fuck, Joe? Why are these mooks cheering for Stevens? Also since when do we have a 15 minute time limit?
Joe Hoffman: His family has a lot of history competing in the area, Benny, they love him down here….also…I can only assume that Lee is being Tom Petty again and not wanting Townsend to be on the screen that long considering the attack at War Games?
The wait is finally over as a spotlight shines towards the top of the entrance ramp as “O Fortuna Excalibur Remix” by Apotheosis begins as Scott Stevens appears from behind the curtain wearing a black duster trench coat, a black Stetson hat, and his trademark 97 Red colored circular sunglasses.
Bryan McVay: Introducing! From The Great State of Texas, weighing in at 256 pounds….he is the “Demi-God of HOW!” SCOTT! STEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEENS!
Stevens’ 97 Red circular sunglasses glisten in the light and his usual devilish grin is replaced by an emotionless stare before pointing towards his opponent before he begins to slowly walk toward the ring. Once he reaches the nearest set of ring steps he climbs up and wipes is feet on the apron before proceeding inside the ring. Once inside, The Demi-God takes off coat and tosses it to the outside. He begins to slowly take off his Stetson before taking off his sunglasses to reveal a red eye as he places the glasses in the hat as he steps up face to face with Townsend.
Joe Hoffman: These two have quite a storied history. Stevens was in Ground Zero at one point and the last time they met in singles action it was Stevens who came out the dominant victor at Iconic 2015.
Benny Newell: Oh yeah, that Lonesome Loser utterly demolished Townsend. Those were good times.
Joe Hoffman: Good times? You bet a lot of money on Townsend to win that night and we’re furious he lost.
Benny Newell: Fuck you, Joe. Fuck. You.
Matt Boettcher calls for the bell to get the match under way but the two wrestlers just stare at each other, almost nose to nose. Scott starts to trash talk Rhys, who trash talks back, but the cameras don’t pick up what they’re saying. Rhys steps back and slaps his chest, goading Stevens to give him a chop. Stevens is sceptical but shrugs and throws a stiff chop to Townsend’s chest. Rhys takes it with barely a flinch and Stevens offers his chest in return and the 5 time World Champion obliges with an equally stiff chop of his own. Stevens grimaces slightly but laughs it off and throws another, to which Townsend immediately responds, sparking an intense chop contest between the two of them, as soon as one hits the other hits back.
Joe Hoffman: They are lighting up each other’s chests with these chops, neither is letting the other get the better of them.
Benny Newell: Yeah but it’s gonna sting in the morning for sure!
Townsend begins to get the advantage in the chop contest but Stevens throws a knee to Rhys’ gut and levels him with a DDT. The crowd cheer at their local favourite wrestler gaining the advantage while Stevens stomps on Townsend a bit before picking him up and throwing him into the corner where he does some mudhole stomping. Rhys slumps on the floor against the turnbuckles. Stevens gets a run up and aims a knee squarely at Townsend’s face, but Townsend rolls out the way and Stevens gets his leg hung up on the ropes. Townsend throws a series of elbows to Stevens’ jaw before he can get his leg out the ropes, then grabs Stevens’ arms behind his back and throws him overhead with a tiger suplex. The Texan slams a fist on the ground in frustration from missing the knee. Townsend shrugs and seems to beckon Stevens on with a taunt about the suplex.
Joe Hoffman: Looks like Townsend is confident in his suplex skills against Stevens.
Benny Newell: Look, I know Townsend is known for his suplexes, but he knows, what, 7 or 8? Stevens knows ALL variations of suplexes and can hit them from any position!
Stevens rushes at Townsend and ducks under his grab to hit a northern lights suplex. Stevens shrugs this time and Townsend gestures to say it was a bit meh. Stevens frowns and the two lock up, jockeying for position, Townsend throws Stevens’ arm over his shoulder and hits a huge exploder suplex. Stevens gets up and nods approval of an acceptable suplex. They lock up again, Townsend nips behind for a rear waist lock, but Stevens breaks the hold and twists Townsend’s arm, spinning them both around and hitting full nelson suplex, bridging for the pin.
One!
Two!
Kickout! The crowd cheer at the superb technical exchange and Townsend nods his approval to Steven’s suplex.
Joe Hoffman: First a chop battle and now a suplex battle. These two are really going all at it to see who is the superior wrestler.
Benny Newell: We all know they answer, neither! They’re both shit. STRONK! could wipe his ass with these two shit rags!
The two wrestlers lock again, pushing back and forth, Stevens uses his height advantage to get leverage over Townsend, pushing the heavier wrestler back into the ropes and whipping him off them. Reversal! Townsend uses his weight advantage to swing Stevens across the ring instead. Stevens ducks a clothesline attempt from Townsend on the rebound and bounces off the opposite ropes, aiming a leaping knee at Townsend’s face, but somehow Rhys manages to catch it in a variation of a dragon screw! Stevens hits the mat and Townsend wrenches on Steven’s leg!
Joe Hoffman: SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB OF DOOM! Townsend is going for the win already!
Benny Newell: Boooorrrriiiinnngggg.
Boettcher checks on Stevens who is showing a great amount of pain but refuses to give in. He drags himself to the ropes and manages to grab hold of them with both hands. Boettcher counts to 3 before Townsend gets up, lifts Stevens up by the foot and slams his knee into the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: Townsend putting the punctuation point on that crab there. Stevens escaped the hold but how damaged is that knee?
Benny Newell: Hopefully very, but not enough that he can’t break Townsend’s face with it.
Stevens gets to his feet, slightly tender on his leg, Townsend pushes past the ref to get back on the attack. He throws an elbow to Stevens face and hits a snap suplex. As Stevens gets to his feet Townsend throws a massive lariat at him but Stevens counters!
Joe Hoffman: Total submission to the demigod of HOW!
Benny Newell: I still say that’s a dumb name for a move.
Townsend hits the mat hard from the armbreaker and Stevens transitions into a crossface. Townsend is in a lot of pain as Stevens wrenches back on his head. Boettcher asks if he wants to submit but Townsend refuses. He eventually manages to get his feet under him, fighting through the pain and rolls Stevens over into a pin!
One!
Two!
Th-Kickout! Stevens rolls back over into the crossface! Townsend grunts in pain as Scott pulls back as hard as he can. With a final push Townsend closes the distance to the ropes and reaches out with his free hand to grab the bottom rope. The ref counts up to 4 before Stevens lets go and drops a knee to the back of Townsend’s head.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens taking a leaf out of his opponent’s playbook there. He’s going after Townsend’s neck in the same way Townsend went after Stevens’ leg.
Benny Newell: Urgh, I hope this doesn’t turn into a full on boring submission match. They need to drop each other on their heads.
Townsend pulls himself up to his feet rubbing his neck and shoulder while Stevens stretches his leg and tries to get some life back into it. They both step up to each other and start exchanging strikes, Townsend ducks a lariat and grabs a rear waist lock. Stevens throws a back elbow to Townsend’s head, then another but Townsend ducks a third, setting up for another exploder suplex. Stevens hooks a leg to block it then lifts Townsend up vertical but his leg gives slightly, allowing Townsend to slip down behind him and hit a leg sweep, smoothly locking in another crab!
Benny Newell: Fucking hell, not another one!
Joe Hoffman: Townsend is going for the kill with the second Single Leg Boston Crab Of Doom of the match!
Townsend doesn’t quite have the hold locked in as tight as the first time, his arm and neck are clearly causing him issues. He pulls hard but Stevens struggles and eventually is able to twist himself around onto his back and kicks Townsend in the face. Townsend stumbles back into the ropes as Stevens gets to his feet. Townsend decides it’s lariat time and…
Joe Hoffman: REMEMBER THE ALAMO!
Benny Newell: The fucker nearly kicked Townsend’s jaw clean off!
The force of the superkick has caused further damage to Stevens’ leg but even more to Townsend’s face. Townsend looks to be out cold while Stevens rolls on the mat clutching his knee. Boettcher begins a 10 count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Stevens crawls over to the ropes.
FOUR!
Stevens pulls himself up to sitting but Townsend is still unmoving.
FIVE!
Stevens is up to his feet but in a lot of pain, leaning against the ropes to keep the weight off his leg.
SIX!
Townsend begins to stir.
SEVEN!
Townsend rolls onto his front.
EIGHT!
Townsend is on all fours.
NINE!
TEN!
NO! Townsend pushes to his feet at the last moment.
Joe Hoffman: They’re back to their feet!
Benny Newell: God dammit I was hoping that was the end!
The two wrestlers stumble to the middle of the ring and start slugging away at each other with punches and elbows and forearms and chops, desperately aware of how the clock was running down while the fans go wild for both wrestlers. Townsend takes a kick to the gut and Stevens lifts him into a fireman’s carry.
Joe Hoffman: HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLE-NO!
Townsend slips off behind Stevens and lifts him up for a backdrop driver! But Stevens flips off the backwards, landing on his feet and shoves Townsend into the ropes. Townsend rebounds and hits a lariat but Stevens bounces straight up and throws The Fist but Townsend dodges. He goes to grab the Texan but Stevens counters.
Joe Hoffman: TOXIC STING!
Joe Hoffman: NO! TOWNSEND SHOVES HIM OFF!
Stevens is shoved hard into the ropes and stumbles back straight into…
Benny Newell: DAS SUPLEXEN!!!
Joe Hoffman: Stevens blocks it!
Stevens loosens the hold and turns, hooking up for a suplex but Townsend drops to a knee, grabs hold of Stevens’ ankles and uses all the strength in all his leg muscles to stand up and leap in one smooth motion…
Joe Hoffman: HASHTAG PREDICTABLE!
Benny Newell: Urgh… so fucking predictable.
Stevens is flat out in the middle of the ring, Townsend is feeling the pain in his neck from the impact but he manages to get up and over to Stevens…
Joe Hoffman: SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Benny Newell: A third one?! Why isn’t that idiot just pinning him?!
Townsend has the hold locked in tight, sitting right down on Steven’s lower back as he pulls as hard as he can on the leg. Stevens is in the middle of the ring, nowhere near the ropes and too banged up to move Townsend’s enormous weight towards them. He scrambles in pain, Boettcher asks if he wants to submit but Stevens refuses. He clutches his head with both hands desperately trying to stop himself from tapping.
… Boettcher asks again but Stevens tells him to fuck off.
… Stevens’ tries to roll over like he did before…
… Townsend leans back further, pulling harder, lowering his centre of gravity onto Stevens’ back…
… Stevens’ hand hovers in the air, shaking…
DING DING DING!
Stevens taps and Boettcher calls for the bell. Townsend lets go of Stevens’ leg as “Pulse of the Maggots” hits the speakers again.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner, in a time of 14 minutes and 41 seconds, RRRHHHYYYSSSSSSS TOOOOOOOOWWWWWNNNNSSSEEEENNNNDDD!
Most of the crowd cheer as Townsend has his hand raised by the ref, while a contingent boo as they were hoping for Stevens to win.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens held out as long as he could but in the end the pain to that injured leg was just too much.
Benny Newell: What a fucking idiot, why’d he tap?! He just needed to hold on for 20 more seconds!
Joe Hoffman: 20 seconds is an eternity when you’re in a submission hold, Benny.
Inside the ring Stevens could be seen getting to his feet with the help of the ropes. He glares at Townsend as he limps towards him, the music cuts out and the fans go silent as they get face to face, staring down each other. The tension could be cut with a knife (purchasable from Knife City) when suddenly Stevens offers out a hand. Townsend looks at it for a moment before taking hold of it and shaking it. Stevens raises Townsend’s hand in victory as Slipknot hits once again and the crowd cheer unanimously.
Benny Newell: What sort of soft pussy ass shit is this nonsense?! We want to see them kill each other!
Joe Hoffman: It seems Stevens is magnanimous in defeat, Benny. What an amazing match that was!
The show leaves the two wrestlers to celebrate in the ring as we cut away somewhere backstage.
Event Date: June 18, 2023
The show returns to ringside to once again find Joe Hoffman looking perplexed by Evan Ward’s antics and Benny Newell amused by them.
Benny Newell: That was the best interview I’ve ever seen!
Joe Hoffman: What on earth even was that, Benny? I don’t blame Brian Bare for walking off, that whole thing was such a joke!
Benny Newell: And a fucking funny one at that! Can you believe he’s still such a douchebag even when he’s in a coma? I can’t wait to see him in the ring!
Joe Hoffman: He’s catatonic, not in a coma. And I can’t condone any of this, it’s tantamount to cruelty to put him in the ring in this state.
Benny Newell: You’re such a bigot, Joe. Just because he’s stuck in a wheelchair doesn’t mean he can’t wrestle.
Joe Hoffman: He can’t even blink, let alone throw a punch! Anyway, we need to move on because next up we have Scott Stevens taking on Rhys Townsend. Hot off his dominant win over Zach Kostoff last week, it will be interesting to see how Townsend fairs over a fellow Hall of Famer.
Benny Newell: Joe, this is another case of win-win for us all. Whoever gets the shit beat out of them it’s a win for us, if they both kill each other then its a double win!
The arena lights and screens turn off as the klaxon sounds, filling the air with it’s abrasiveness. The sound of boots stomping starts quietly, and slowly builds into it’s clear crescendo as Corey Taylor’s monologue begins
“This is the year where hope fails you.
The test subjects run the experiments,
And the bastards you know,
Is the hero you hate.
But cohesion is possible if we strive.
There’s no reason,
There’s no lesson,
No time like the present.
Tell me right now,
What have you got to lose?
What have you got to lose,
Except your soul?
Who’s with us!”
Immediately after this, the klaxon and boots fade out, and the aural assault begins, the drums booming through the sound system with military precision, the riffs stuttering over the top like machine guns. The music quickly drops into a brief fill, accentuated by a big fuck off pyrotechnic explosion right in the centre of the stage. It’s around this time that the screen sparks back into life, showing a fairly simple, barebones video of Townsend hitting some cool moves and looking generally cool. Like professional wrestler entrance videos generally do.
The man himself appears after the explosion, towel wrapped around his neck. There’s no real pizzazz to his entrance, it’s why he put a big fuck off explosion in it.
Bryan McVay: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit, introducing first, hailing from Llanelli, Wales, he weighs in at 273lbs, RRRHHYYYYYSSSSS TOOOOOOOWWWNNNNSSSSEEENNNDDD!
He walks from ramp to ring, not stopping, not acknowledging anyone, carrying the face of someone totally focused. There’s no wasted movement as he walks up the steps, wiping his feet on the apron before climbing into the ring, discarding the towel he’d been wearing around his neck to one of the ring attendants, ready to do some wrestling.
The lights in the arena go black as the sound of bells are heard throughout the arena as the High Octane Vision comes to life as images begin to appear.
Shattered murals.
An abandoned church falling apart.
A field of tombstones.
The Book of Best with the Cross of Best driven through it with blood pouring down it.
The blood pours down into it forms the words…..
THE….DEMI….GOD….OF….H….O….W
The crowd knows who is about to walk out and they are letting him know it by cheering and chanting a chant not heard outside of Quito:
“WE LOVE YOU, STEVENS!” Clap x5
Benny Newell: What the fuck, Joe? Why are these mooks cheering for Stevens? Also since when do we have a 15 minute time limit?
Joe Hoffman: His family has a lot of history competing in the area, Benny, they love him down here….also…I can only assume that Lee is being Tom Petty again and not wanting Townsend to be on the screen that long considering the attack at War Games?
The wait is finally over as a spotlight shines towards the top of the entrance ramp as “O Fortuna Excalibur Remix” by Apotheosis begins as Scott Stevens appears from behind the curtain wearing a black duster trench coat, a black Stetson hat, and his trademark 97 Red colored circular sunglasses.
Bryan McVay: Introducing! From The Great State of Texas, weighing in at 256 pounds….he is the “Demi-God of HOW!” SCOTT! STEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEENS!
Stevens’ 97 Red circular sunglasses glisten in the light and his usual devilish grin is replaced by an emotionless stare before pointing towards his opponent before he begins to slowly walk toward the ring. Once he reaches the nearest set of ring steps he climbs up and wipes is feet on the apron before proceeding inside the ring. Once inside, The Demi-God takes off coat and tosses it to the outside. He begins to slowly take off his Stetson before taking off his sunglasses to reveal a red eye as he places the glasses in the hat as he steps up face to face with Townsend.
Joe Hoffman: These two have quite a storied history. Stevens was in Ground Zero at one point and the last time they met in singles action it was Stevens who came out the dominant victor at Iconic 2015.
Benny Newell: Oh yeah, that Lonesome Loser utterly demolished Townsend. Those were good times.
Joe Hoffman: Good times? You bet a lot of money on Townsend to win that night and we’re furious he lost.
Benny Newell: Fuck you, Joe. Fuck. You.
Matt Boettcher calls for the bell to get the match under way but the two wrestlers just stare at each other, almost nose to nose. Scott starts to trash talk Rhys, who trash talks back, but the cameras don’t pick up what they’re saying. Rhys steps back and slaps his chest, goading Stevens to give him a chop. Stevens is sceptical but shrugs and throws a stiff chop to Townsend’s chest. Rhys takes it with barely a flinch and Stevens offers his chest in return and the 5 time World Champion obliges with an equally stiff chop of his own. Stevens grimaces slightly but laughs it off and throws another, to which Townsend immediately responds, sparking an intense chop contest between the two of them, as soon as one hits the other hits back.
Joe Hoffman: They are lighting up each other’s chests with these chops, neither is letting the other get the better of them.
Benny Newell: Yeah but it’s gonna sting in the morning for sure!
Townsend begins to get the advantage in the chop contest but Stevens throws a knee to Rhys’ gut and levels him with a DDT. The crowd cheer at their local favourite wrestler gaining the advantage while Stevens stomps on Townsend a bit before picking him up and throwing him into the corner where he does some mudhole stomping. Rhys slumps on the floor against the turnbuckles. Stevens gets a run up and aims a knee squarely at Townsend’s face, but Townsend rolls out the way and Stevens gets his leg hung up on the ropes. Townsend throws a series of elbows to Stevens’ jaw before he can get his leg out the ropes, then grabs Stevens’ arms behind his back and throws him overhead with a tiger suplex. The Texan slams a fist on the ground in frustration from missing the knee. Townsend shrugs and seems to beckon Stevens on with a taunt about the suplex.
Joe Hoffman: Looks like Townsend is confident in his suplex skills against Stevens.
Benny Newell: Look, I know Townsend is known for his suplexes, but he knows, what, 7 or 8? Stevens knows ALL variations of suplexes and can hit them from any position!
Stevens rushes at Townsend and ducks under his grab to hit a northern lights suplex. Stevens shrugs this time and Townsend gestures to say it was a bit meh. Stevens frowns and the two lock up, jockeying for position, Townsend throws Stevens’ arm over his shoulder and hits a huge exploder suplex. Stevens gets up and nods approval of an acceptable suplex. They lock up again, Townsend nips behind for a rear waist lock, but Stevens breaks the hold and twists Townsend’s arm, spinning them both around and hitting full nelson suplex, bridging for the pin.
One!
Two!
Kickout! The crowd cheer at the superb technical exchange and Townsend nods his approval to Steven’s suplex.
Joe Hoffman: First a chop battle and now a suplex battle. These two are really going all at it to see who is the superior wrestler.
Benny Newell: We all know they answer, neither! They’re both shit. STRONK! could wipe his ass with these two shit rags!
The two wrestlers lock again, pushing back and forth, Stevens uses his height advantage to get leverage over Townsend, pushing the heavier wrestler back into the ropes and whipping him off them. Reversal! Townsend uses his weight advantage to swing Stevens across the ring instead. Stevens ducks a clothesline attempt from Townsend on the rebound and bounces off the opposite ropes, aiming a leaping knee at Townsend’s face, but somehow Rhys manages to catch it in a variation of a dragon screw! Stevens hits the mat and Townsend wrenches on Steven’s leg!
Joe Hoffman: SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB OF DOOM! Townsend is going for the win already!
Benny Newell: Boooorrrriiiinnngggg.
Boettcher checks on Stevens who is showing a great amount of pain but refuses to give in. He drags himself to the ropes and manages to grab hold of them with both hands. Boettcher counts to 3 before Townsend gets up, lifts Stevens up by the foot and slams his knee into the canvas.
Joe Hoffman: Townsend putting the punctuation point on that crab there. Stevens escaped the hold but how damaged is that knee?
Benny Newell: Hopefully very, but not enough that he can’t break Townsend’s face with it.
Stevens gets to his feet, slightly tender on his leg, Townsend pushes past the ref to get back on the attack. He throws an elbow to Stevens face and hits a snap suplex. As Stevens gets to his feet Townsend throws a massive lariat at him but Stevens counters!
Joe Hoffman: Total submission to the demigod of HOW!
Benny Newell: I still say that’s a dumb name for a move.
Townsend hits the mat hard from the armbreaker and Stevens transitions into a crossface. Townsend is in a lot of pain as Stevens wrenches back on his head. Boettcher asks if he wants to submit but Townsend refuses. He eventually manages to get his feet under him, fighting through the pain and rolls Stevens over into a pin!
One!
Two!
Th-Kickout! Stevens rolls back over into the crossface! Townsend grunts in pain as Scott pulls back as hard as he can. With a final push Townsend closes the distance to the ropes and reaches out with his free hand to grab the bottom rope. The ref counts up to 4 before Stevens lets go and drops a knee to the back of Townsend’s head.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens taking a leaf out of his opponent’s playbook there. He’s going after Townsend’s neck in the same way Townsend went after Stevens’ leg.
Benny Newell: Urgh, I hope this doesn’t turn into a full on boring submission match. They need to drop each other on their heads.
Townsend pulls himself up to his feet rubbing his neck and shoulder while Stevens stretches his leg and tries to get some life back into it. They both step up to each other and start exchanging strikes, Townsend ducks a lariat and grabs a rear waist lock. Stevens throws a back elbow to Townsend’s head, then another but Townsend ducks a third, setting up for another exploder suplex. Stevens hooks a leg to block it then lifts Townsend up vertical but his leg gives slightly, allowing Townsend to slip down behind him and hit a leg sweep, smoothly locking in another crab!
Benny Newell: Fucking hell, not another one!
Joe Hoffman: Townsend is going for the kill with the second Single Leg Boston Crab Of Doom of the match!
Townsend doesn’t quite have the hold locked in as tight as the first time, his arm and neck are clearly causing him issues. He pulls hard but Stevens struggles and eventually is able to twist himself around onto his back and kicks Townsend in the face. Townsend stumbles back into the ropes as Stevens gets to his feet. Townsend decides it’s lariat time and…
Joe Hoffman: REMEMBER THE ALAMO!
Benny Newell: The fucker nearly kicked Townsend’s jaw clean off!
The force of the superkick has caused further damage to Stevens’ leg but even more to Townsend’s face. Townsend looks to be out cold while Stevens rolls on the mat clutching his knee. Boettcher begins a 10 count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Stevens crawls over to the ropes.
FOUR!
Stevens pulls himself up to sitting but Townsend is still unmoving.
FIVE!
Stevens is up to his feet but in a lot of pain, leaning against the ropes to keep the weight off his leg.
SIX!
Townsend begins to stir.
SEVEN!
Townsend rolls onto his front.
EIGHT!
Townsend is on all fours.
NINE!
TEN!
NO! Townsend pushes to his feet at the last moment.
Joe Hoffman: They’re back to their feet!
Benny Newell: God dammit I was hoping that was the end!
The two wrestlers stumble to the middle of the ring and start slugging away at each other with punches and elbows and forearms and chops, desperately aware of how the clock was running down while the fans go wild for both wrestlers. Townsend takes a kick to the gut and Stevens lifts him into a fireman’s carry.
Joe Hoffman: HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLE-NO!
Townsend slips off behind Stevens and lifts him up for a backdrop driver! But Stevens flips off the backwards, landing on his feet and shoves Townsend into the ropes. Townsend rebounds and hits a lariat but Stevens bounces straight up and throws The Fist but Townsend dodges. He goes to grab the Texan but Stevens counters.
Joe Hoffman: TOXIC STING!
Joe Hoffman: NO! TOWNSEND SHOVES HIM OFF!
Stevens is shoved hard into the ropes and stumbles back straight into…
Benny Newell: DAS SUPLEXEN!!!
Joe Hoffman: Stevens blocks it!
Stevens loosens the hold and turns, hooking up for a suplex but Townsend drops to a knee, grabs hold of Stevens’ ankles and uses all the strength in all his leg muscles to stand up and leap in one smooth motion…
Joe Hoffman: HASHTAG PREDICTABLE!
Benny Newell: Urgh… so fucking predictable.
Stevens is flat out in the middle of the ring, Townsend is feeling the pain in his neck from the impact but he manages to get up and over to Stevens…
Joe Hoffman: SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Benny Newell: A third one?! Why isn’t that idiot just pinning him?!
Townsend has the hold locked in tight, sitting right down on Steven’s lower back as he pulls as hard as he can on the leg. Stevens is in the middle of the ring, nowhere near the ropes and too banged up to move Townsend’s enormous weight towards them. He scrambles in pain, Boettcher asks if he wants to submit but Stevens refuses. He clutches his head with both hands desperately trying to stop himself from tapping.
… Boettcher asks again but Stevens tells him to fuck off.
… Stevens’ tries to roll over like he did before…
… Townsend leans back further, pulling harder, lowering his centre of gravity onto Stevens’ back…
… Stevens’ hand hovers in the air, shaking…
DING DING DING!
Stevens taps and Boettcher calls for the bell. Townsend lets go of Stevens’ leg as “Pulse of the Maggots” hits the speakers again.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner, in a time of 14 minutes and 41 seconds, RRRHHHYYYSSSSSSS TOOOOOOOOWWWWWNNNNSSSEEEENNNNDDD!
Most of the crowd cheer as Townsend has his hand raised by the ref, while a contingent boo as they were hoping for Stevens to win.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens held out as long as he could but in the end the pain to that injured leg was just too much.
Benny Newell: What a fucking idiot, why’d he tap?! He just needed to hold on for 20 more seconds!
Joe Hoffman: 20 seconds is an eternity when you’re in a submission hold, Benny.
Inside the ring Stevens could be seen getting to his feet with the help of the ropes. He glares at Townsend as he limps towards him, the music cuts out and the fans go silent as they get face to face, staring down each other. The tension could be cut with a knife (purchasable from Knife City) when suddenly Stevens offers out a hand. Townsend looks at it for a moment before taking hold of it and shaking it. Stevens raises Townsend’s hand in victory as Slipknot hits once again and the crowd cheer unanimously.
Benny Newell: What sort of soft pussy ass shit is this nonsense?! We want to see them kill each other!
Joe Hoffman: It seems Stevens is magnanimous in defeat, Benny. What an amazing match that was!
The show leaves the two wrestlers to celebrate in the ring as we cut away somewhere backstage.