Post by Jman2k3 on Jun 22, 2018 7:08:53 GMT
Pyro explodes around the top of the Roman Colosseum after the HOW logo disappears, as thousands of Italian fans scream for the first bit of real professional wrestling they’ve seen since the last time High Octane Wrestling was here! The camera pans around as the Roman fans bay for blood, as they may well be genetically pre-disposed to do! The ring is set up in the middle of the Colosseum, on a floor that HOW has set up, as the HOV is above a perfunctory entranceway! We eventually pan down to our Hall of Fame commentating duo, sat at ringside, ready to go.
Joe Hoffman: Alright folks, it is my pleasure to welcome you to the 2013 edition of March To Glory, live from Rome, right here in the Colosseum!
Benny Newell: That’s right, douchebag - we’re in a place that saw Christians thrown to the lions, as well as all sorts of other cool shit that the Romans did here a few hundred years ago!
Joe Hoffman: Morelike two thousand years ago, Benny...
Benny Newell: Ya...listen to Mr. History Douchebag over there, he probably did his research instead of doing what a sensible person would do in a foreign country!
Joe Hoffman: Which is what, exactly, Benny?
Benny Newell: Fuckin’ drink, of course! Even if some of the bars are a fucking rip off!
Joe Hoffman: Which is why you should have bought a guidebook...anyone knows that the tourist bars are going to have expensive prices.
Benny Newell: Yeah, well...fuck you, Hoffman!
Joe Hoffman: Right. Anyway, folks, we have just four matches to bring to you on tonight’s live card - the other matches having been dropped to dark matches by Lee Best himself, having been disappointed in the showings that the wrestlers made in promoting their matches.
Benny Newell: Bunch of fucking lazy douchebags...
Joe Hoffman: That’s not a point I’m going to labour nor argue, Benny. But anyway, we still have our World Championship main event to bring you, as the 2013 Lee Best Invitational Winner John Sektor takes on our World Champion, Michael Lee Best!
Benny Newell: Which we all know is a fucking FARCE, Hoffman! Townsend never tapped out...that match never should have ended, that main event? It should be all Best Alliance!
Joe Hoffman: But he tapped out, and for a second year running, we have no Rhys Townsend on March To Glory.
Benny Newell: Which is fucking bullshit, and you know it.
Joe Hoffman: You only have Lee Best to blame for that, Benny.
Benny Newell: Fuck you, Hoffman. Fuck you.
Joe Hoffman: As well as that main event, we have our LSD Championship match! Maximillian Kael takes on the current LSD Champion and Best Alliance member, Professor Keller!
Benny Newell: The Good Professor’s too fucking intelligent for Max, he retains. NEXT!
Joe Hoffman: A vast underestimation of a Hall of Famer’s in-ring abilities by my commentary partner there...but it might happen. Or we might have a new LSD Champion!
Benny Newell: Nah. We won’t.
Joe Hoffman: We’ll see. And then we have our handicap match - Jace Parker Davidson takes on HOW’s own version of Girl Power, as he will face off against both Tara Michaels and Kirsta Lewis!
Benny Newell: And Benny’s hoping for some wardrobe malfunctions!
Joe Hoffman: Which will totally not happen. Both women are veterans and have prepared to stop such things from happening.
Benny Newell: Seriously...?
Joe Hoffman: What?
Benny Newell: Is this show like, the Joe Hoffman pisses all over Benny Newell’s dreams show?
Joe Hoffman: No, Benny, I’m just correcting you is all...
Benny Newell: Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to be corrected....asshole.
Joe Hoffman: Well, maybe you need to be corrected, Benny.
Benny Newell: Fuck you. Seriously, Hoffman, fuck you.
Joe Hoffman: Typical. And then we have our opening contest, as Ground Zero’s leader, Evan Ward, takes on an Unstable member in “The Scorpion” Scott Stevens!
Benny Newell: A match between two douchebags that I wish I didn’t have to watch or commentate on...
Joe Hoffman: So why don’t you just go to the bar then, Benny?
Benny Newell: Because someone’s got to sit here and make sure you don’t make every single money-paying mark tune out of the pay per view at this early stage!
Joe Hoffman: Right...anyway, folks, I’m sure you’ve already heard enough of the two of us blabbering on at ringside, so let’s throw it over to Bryan McVay and get this show started!
Benny Newell: Finally...sooner this match starts, sooner we can get onto the triumphant Best Alliance victories! DRINK!
The camera switches up to Bryan McVay, stood in the middle of the Colosseum.
Bryan McVay: The following contest is your opening contest of the evening and is a two out of three falls match! Introducing first...
The lights in the Colosseum go pitch black, as red lasers and spotlights light up the area. The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen, "Nothing survives my sting!" The crowd starts booing, but it’s not just a normal level of booing. It’s a booing of pure hatred. Chris Benoit level booing as an electric guitar wails throughout the PA system and the words of Dave Mustaine's voice echoes throughout the arena, "As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting. I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything. Then I, treat you like a dog, as I shoot my venom in. You pretend you didn't know, that I am The Scorpion, whoa!" The jeering intensifies as the instrumental after the chorus hits the speakers, drawing out Scott Stevens
Bryan McVay: ...Representing the Unstable and hailing from Houston, Texas, he weighed in at two hundred fifty six pounds, standing at six feet six inches, he is THE SCORPION SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEENSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
Walking down the aisle, he talks trash the entire way while raising a fist at a few of the more vocal bashers. As he finally gets to the ring, he climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stares down at the crowd, an icy glare and the throat slash gesture his only actions as he drops to the mat.
Benny Newell: And here’s a guy that often bores Benny to sleep when he opens his mouth, folks...so if you’re like me, now’s a good time to take a drink!
Joe Hoffman: Right...Stevens may not have experienced the success he experienced at the tail end of 2012 so far this year, but he’s still a force to be reckoned with inside that ring, and could pose more than a few problems for Evan Ward.
Benny Newell: Ya...this is like douchebag versus douchebag right here. It really is. I wish we could have dropped this fuckin’ match too, Hoffman. Would have been better for all of us.
Joe Hoffman: Or worse, because we’d be deprived of a potentially great wrestling match.
Benny Newell: Oh, here we go, Hoffman and his gay Ground Zero wrestling shit....again. DRINK!
Hoffman sighs as Rush’s Working Man replaces the Megadeth blaring through the Colosseum, hailing the appearance of Evan Ward to a rousing cheer from the crowd! Ward starts to make his way down the temporary ramp to the ring.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, hailing from Hay-On-Wye, Wales, standing at five feet eleven inches and weighing in at two hundred five pounds, he is the leader of Ground Zero....EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN WAAAAAAAAAAAAARDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ward finishes making his way to the ring and warms up a little on the ropes.
Benny Newell: Alright fuckholes, Hoffman’s about to bore you to sleep with blah blah wrestling blah Ground Zero blah....
Joe Hoffman: You mean Hoffman’s about to do his actual job...
Benny Newell: You call it doing your job, I call it Hoffman’s cure for motherfucking insomnia.
Joe Hoffman: I love how you have so much faith and confidence in my skills, partner.
Benny Newell: Please don’t call me that.
Joe Hoffman: Call you what?
Benny Newell: Partner. It makes us sound like we’re gay, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: Now, see, that’s just not true...
Benny Newell: Yeah, it is. You know it too, ya fucking douchebag!
Joe Hoffman: Right...
Boettcher has finished checking over the two wrestlers and making sure they’re ready to go, so he calls for the bell, as the two wrestlers start to circle each other!
Joe Hoffman: Anyway, we’re finally underway! Folks, we can expect perhaps a little more of a technical match here than we’re used to seeing from Scott Stevens, as he’s going to want to wear Ward down, keep him from gaining momentum and flying around the ring, because if that happens, the advantage will firmly be in Ward’s corner...
Benny Newell: No fucking shit, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: And with the match potentially going three falls, he’s got to look to play somewhat of a long game here tonight.
Benny Newell: Which means this match could get really boring.
Joe Hoffman: Or really interesting. Evan Ward, on the other hand, is obviously going to want to make this his match, by speeding it up and keeping it at a high pace - he has the speed advantage, and he’s going to back himself in the cardio department, so he’s going to look to wear out Scott Stevens, to keep him off balance and to try and blitz him, effectively.
Benny Newell: Which means we are going to get to watch my favourite thing about Evan Ward - will he break his fucking neck when he flips around like an insane little monkey!
Joe Hoffman: Hopefully not...that would be horrific.
Benny Newell: Which is exactly why it would be fucking awesome!
They continue circling for another few long seconds, before they tear into a collar and elbow tieup! Neither man wants to give an inch, but Stevens strength overpowers Ward, as he quickly goes to a top wrist lock, controlling Ward’s arm. Ward tests it, before he flips his way out of it, and quickly connects with a dropkick, staggering Stevens back! Stevens doesn’t like being staggered and quickly charges forward, looking to nail Ward with a clothesline, but the smaller man ducks underneath it, popping up behind Stevens and again, nailing him with another dropkick in the small of his back! Stevens staggers forward into the ropes, bouncing back off them, chest first, as Ward bounces off the ropes and flies towards Stevens, looking for yet another dropkick! Stevens hears him coming, and Ward’s boots connect with nothing but thin air!
Joe Hoffman: Ward’s doing the sensible thing here, looking to keep the bigger man off-balance so he can force the pace!
Benny Newell: Ya...still waiting for the flippy shit so he can break his neck.
Joe Hoffman: Perhaps he won’t break his neck tonight, Benny?
Stevens quickly turns as Ward gets back to his feet and starts unleashing fierce rights, staggering the smaller man back! He whips him into the ropes after a particularly venomous right, and as Ward comes back, Stevens connects with a dropkick of his own, smashing his boots right into Ward’s chin! Ward goes down, but doesn’t stay there as The Scorpion grabs a handful of hair, dragging the smaller man back to his feet before he damn near takes his head off with a brutal lariat!
Joe Hoffman: Ooh, a nasty impact there!
Benny Newell: Which is what happens when you are a smaller guy, Hoffman...I thought you would have watched enough wrestling by now to know this.
Joe Hoffman: That doesn’t stop the impacts from being nasty, Benny.
Benny Newell: Yeah...yeah, it does. Which is why I always want to see the guy break his neck - ya don’t see that too fucking often, do you?
Hoffman sighs as again, Stevens reaches down and picks up the discombobulated Ward, quickly picking him up and dropping him across his knee with a series of backbreakers, before he lets Ward drop to the canvas, taking a moment to play to the Roman crowd! The crowd jeer him as Ward picks himself back up, Stevens unaware of his opponent’s state. Stevens turns right as Ward gets to his feet and looks to unleash another looping right, but Ward quickly starts firing away with martial arts kicks before The Scorpion can uncork! Ward fires kick after kick after kick, sending The Scorpion staggering back towards the turnbuckle, where he hits a moonsault dropkick right onto Stevens chin! Ward then takes a step or two back before he runs, and leaping, connects with nothing but jaw with a leg lariat! Stevens slumps down, and as soon as Ward gets back up, he’s already leaping through the air, dropping his boots right onto Stevens jaw with a basement dropkick!
Joe Hoffman: And just like that, Ward has increased the pace of the match!
Benny Newell: Which means he’s gonna start flying soon, right?
Joe Hoffman: You’d hope...
Benny Newell: Which means we might get to see him break his neck! DRINK!
Hoffman sighs as Ward stands ready, Stevens starting to pick himself up, a little groggy as he does so. Once he gets to his feet, he shakes his head, clearing it, before he looks around for his light-heavyweight opponent...but he can’t see him - because Ward is already flying through the air, his legs wrapping around Stevens head, quickly snapping him to the canvas with a springboard hurricanrana! Ward stays, looking for the early cover...
One....
Two....
No!
Stevens kicks out!
Joe Hoffman: Ward’s building a head of steam here...Stevens needs to get back into it, or Ward will pick up the first fall!
Stevens looks frustrated as he gets back to his feet, looking for his opponent, who has already disappeared, charging across the ring into the ropes, flying back towards Stevens as he again, leaps through the air, this time looking for a flying head scissors! Stevens quickly looks to pancake Ward, but he doesn’t manage it, Ward sending him flying head over heels with the head scissors! Again, Stevens picks himself up, a little slower this time as Ward unleashes a few more kicks at his midsection before he boots him in the gut in the most rudimentary fashion, dropping him head first onto the canvas with a DDT! Stevens’ head spikes on the ring, as Ward again, springboards off the ropes with a moonsault! Again, he hooks the leg, looking for yet another cover....
One...
Two....
No!
And again, Stevens kicks out!
Benny Newell: Ya know, if that douchebag doesn’t do something soon, he’ll lose this first fall.
Joe Hoffman: That’s what I said a few minutes ago, Benny.
Benny Newell: You did?
Joe Hoffman: Yes.
Benny Newell: Well, nobody listens to you anyway, Hoffhole. DRINK!
Stevens again, gets back up and this time, Ward was a little slower so he actually does make his fist meet face! He delivers an onslaught, stunning Ward, where he quickly uses the opportunity to deliver a snap suplex! Ward’s back slaps off the canvas as Stevens takes the moment to get his bearings back, before he grabs Ward’s hair and drags him back up. Stevens grabs a front waist lock before he snaps Ward overhead with a belly to belly suplex! Ward again flies, but not in the way he wants to fly - before Stevens quickly follows up, dragging him to his feet. He picks him up in a vertical suplex, but does not drop him back first, instead spiking him right onto his head with a brainbuster! He moves into a perfunctory cover as referee Boettcher drops...
One....
Two....
No!
It’s now Ward’s turn to kick out!
Joe Hoffman: And just like that, the momentum switches!
Benny Newell: A few more powerful moves, and Ward’s wishing he had an extra six inches and fifty pounds!
Joe Hoffman: You don’t know that, Benny - to my knowledge, Evan Ward enjoys his high risk offence.
Benny Newell: So do I, Hoffman, but when you’re giving up nearly sixty pounds to your opponent, you gotta wish you ate a few more cheeseburgers, right?
Joe Hoffman: I guess...
Stevens gives Boettcher an enquiring look as he drags Ward back to his feet, but taking his eye off the ball for just a moment is a huge mistake as Ward leaps and immediately connects with the Second Generation Flying Knee out of nowhere! Stevens goes down like the proverbial sack of shit as it’s now Ward’s time to take a moment to clear his head. He quickly leaps up onto the top turnbuckle, as Stevens pulls himself to his feet, more out of habit than out of a clarity of mind, and Ward leaps through the air, looking to nail him with some sort of flying neckbreaker, but out of absolutely nowhere, Stevens connects with the Toxic Sting!!! Ward goes down heavy, as Stevens takes a moment to crawl over into the cover...Boettcher drops...
One....
Two....
Three!!!!
Bryan McVay: The winner of the first fall, in 16 minutes, 34 seconds...Scott Stevens!
Joe Hoffman: And just like that, the first fall is decided!
Benny Newell: High risk offence means you crash and fucking burn, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: He certainly did there, Benny - Stevens though just came up with that move out of absolutely nowhere! Great ring awareness from the veteran!
Benny Newell: No point being a fucking veteran if you can’t do shit like that, is there?
Joe Hoffman: Touche.
Stevens is, naturally, the first man to pull himself to his feet, and the first thing he does, on seeing that Ward is still prone on the canvas is to quickly drop into another cover...
Joe Hoffman: Opportunistic cover from Stevens right here...
One....
Two...
Th...NO!
Ward kicks out!
Joe Hoffman: That so very nearly worked for him right there, Benny.
Benny Newell: Ya, it did. Gotta use your brain, Hoffman. I mean, if you can pick up two pinfalls off one move and be done with it right then and there? Ya might as fucking well, right?
Joe Hoffman: Exactly. Good smarts right there.
Stevens drags the smaller man up by his hair yet again, and takes a moment to slap him, letting Ward know that he’s not even on his level...but all it does is wake up the leader of Ground Zero who again, starts unleashing with martial arts kick after martial arts kick! Stevens, staggering backwards, manages to catch one of the boots, but all he does is set himself up for an enziguri kick from Ward!
Joe Hoffman: Whereas that, perhaps, was a little stupid.
Benny Newell: Ya, you could say that.
Joe Hoffman: I just did, Benny...
Benny Newell: Oh...I’d explain it, but it just ain’t fucking worth it. DRINK!
Both men lay on the canvas, taking their time to draw breath, before, somehow, Stevens gets back up before Ward. Ward starts to pull himself back up off his feet, but Stevens quickly drops an elbow into the small of Ward’s back, driving him back into the canvas! Ward, again, goes to pick himself back up but Stevens drops elbow after elbow into Ward’s back, keeping him pinned to the canvas, unable to drag himself up. Stevens, sensing an opportunity, moves into a rear naked choke...but Ward immediately starts throwing his legs out! He isn’t quite close enough to the ropes, so he rolls, before he tries again and manages to hurl a foot over the bottom rope! Boettcher calls for the break, which Stevens reluctantly gives him.
Joe Hoffman: Another smart move there...choke Ward out, take away his gas tank, slow him down and stop him from unleashing that high risk, high speed offence.
Benny Newell: See, shit like that is what I would have been doing from the word go, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: Yeah?
Benny Newell: Too fucking right.
Joe Hoffman: So why aren’t you a, you know, HOW Champion then, Benny?
Benny Newell: Because I want to give others a chance. Plus, I’d fuck my dick RAW if I was the ICON Champion...
Joe Hoffman: I was hoping we weren’t going to go there...
Benny Newell: Then your expectations of me are clearly too high. DRINK!
Stevens looks a little frustrated as he again, drags Ward up off the canvas, wasting no time in delivering a T-Bone suplex...but it’s one of those moves that does nothing other than wake your opponent up! Ward charges back, looking for a clothesline of his own but Stevens ducks underneath...and then drops to the canvas after Ward leaps off the second rope, looking for a back elbow! Ward meets nothing but canvas, but is still quick to get to his feet...but it’s a wasted effort as Stevens flies at him, unleashing a huge headbutt! He grabs Ward’s head again, throwing it between his legs before he snaps off a brutal powerbomb!
Ward’s back snaps off the canvas, as Stevens holds on, hoisting him back into the air before he fires him into the canvas for a second time! But again, he doesn’t release, pulling Ward back up for a third time, before he takes a few steps and powerbombs Ward right into the turnbuckle! Ward slumps down, but Stevens picks him back up to a standing position, before he backs off. He then charges across the ring, leaping through the air and nailing Ward with a Stinger Splash! Ward slumps down, and Stevens drags him away from the corner and away from the ropes as he drops into yet another pinfall attempt...
One....
Two.....
No!
Ward again, somehow finds it within himself to kick out!
Joe Hoffman: Ward is taking some serious punishment here...
Benny Newell: Ya, because he’s fucking gassed and the power moves are annihilating him!
Joe Hoffman: That they are, Benny - Stevens really has the upper hand right now.
Stevens starts to signal for a second Toxic Sting, waiting for Ward to finally drag himself to his feet, and when he does, he grabs Ward’s chin...but Ward pushes him away before he leaps up and nails The Scorpion with an inverted hurricanrana! Stevens goes down hard, but quickly pulls himself back up before he finds himself met with a series of elbows, backing him up into the turnbuckle! Ward continues unleashing strikes, stunning Stevens before he lifts him up onto the top turnbuckle, springboarding off the ropes and hitting him with an absolutely beautiful hurricanrana! Stevens smashes into the canvas, and again, Ward leaps up to the top turnbuckle. Stevens, wary of dropping a pinfall, again, drags himself to his feet, but that - that was a mistake as Ward soars through the air, landing on Stevens shoulders where he quickly snaps off a dragonrana! He can’t quite stay there for the pinfall, the exertions of the last few minutes causing him to lie on his back, drawing breath in deeply.
Joe Hoffman: And that, right there, folks, is why Evan Ward is just so dangerous - one moment and he can turn the entire match around!
Benny Newell: Well, Hoffman, he’s still one fall down...still got a bit of work on right here.
Joe Hoffman: Obviously, but right now? He’s in the ascendancy.
Benny Newell: Fucking DUH. DRINK!
Both men get back up at more or less the same time and start exchanging blows at a significantly slower speed than they were at earlier stages in the match, Stevens power giving him an advantage over Ward. He whips Ward into the ropes, but doesn’t get an opportunity to nail a move, dropping his head a little too early for the spinebuster, allowing Ward to nail his head with a dropkick! He drops down to the canvas, again, quickly picking himself up but Ward goes downstairs with another dropkick, taking one of his legs clean out! It’s as if someone just fed Ward a bottle of Powerade, as the lights upstairs seemingly all come back on at the same time as he takes a few steps backwards before flying forwards and absolutely connecting with a Third Generation Award Winning Knee absolutely flush on Stevens’ jaw! Stevens goes out like a light as Ward slumps into a cover...
One....
Two....
Three!!!
Bryan McVay: And the winner of the second fall, in 22 minutes, 56 seconds....Evan Ward!
Joe Hoffman: And now we’re all tied up and into the third and decisive fall, folks!
Benny Newell: Ya...so hopefully we’ll be fucking done soon!
Joe Hoffman: You can dream, Benny...though I really don’t think either man has that much more to give here tonight.
Benny Newell: Ya, well, Stevens looks out of it - if Ward could just cover the fucker now, we’d be done already!
Joe Hoffman: I don’t think Ward is in a much better state, to be honest with you.
Benny Newell: Fucking lightweight...
Eventually, both men pull themselves back up and start exchanging the most base of blows in the middle of the ring - punches. Neither man is really packing that much power in their fists, both already having given a hell of a lot in the match, and the Roman crowd appreciates it, booing or cheering along with the punches. Neither man is willing to give a single inch, and they keep firing away, until Ward steps up with an enziguri, knocking The Scorpion to the canvas! Stevens stays there as Ward leaps up with a standing moonsault, managing to stay in position for the cover....
One....
Two....
No!
Stevens manages to get his shoulder up at the last possible millisecond!
Benny Newell: See, like I said - if Ward had gone for the cover straight after that knee of his...we’d be done already. But no, he had to take a fucking breather, so some goddamned kick and a moonsault? That’s not gonna do it. Not after all of this.
Joe Hoffman: Surely a kick and a moonsault would have a higher success rate after all of this?
Benny Newell: Pfft...I dunno what fantasy fucking dreamland you’re living in, Hoffman, but this is professional wrestling. Have you already forgotten everything I fucking taught you at War Games last year?
Joe Hoffman: No, Benny...you remind me about it every few weeks, after all.
Benny Newell: Good. Because I’d fucking hate to think that some of my wisdom was lost on you. DRINK!
Ward charges at Stevens as he picks himself up, but finds himself met with a vicious Double S Spinebuster for his troubles! Stevens takes a moment to draw in breath, looking up and around at the famous Colosseum as he does so...which just allows Ward to slowly, but surely find his way back up to his feet. Once there, there’s a brief flurry of blows before Stevens takes the first shortcut of the match, as he rakes Ward’s eyes! He takes full advantage of it, somehow finding the strength and energy to hoist Ward onto his shoulders before he drives him, head first into the canvas with Houston, We Have A Problem! It’s the most perfunctory of perfunctory covers that follows, as he just about drags his arm over Ward’s chest...
One...
Two....
No!
Ward somehow gets a shoulder up!
Joe Hoffman: Honestly, I’m not quite sure how these two athletes are still kicking out.
Benny Newell: Because they aren’t kicking out, douchebag - they’re just getting a fucking shoulder up.
Joe Hoffman: Touche.
Stevens drags Ward up, again, gesturing for the Toxic Sting, but as he boots Ward in the gut, Ward catches his leg before he steps over it and delivers a vicious kick, right to the side of Stevens head! Stevens goes down and Ward, a little shakily, pulls himself up the turnbuckles, before he arcs through the air, landing chest on chest with a moonsault! He’s in no position to go for the cover, the impact having sent him flying himself! Both men slowly drag themselves up, Ward a little ahead of Stevens, which is all the opportunity he needs to run, jump and deliver some flippy shit to Stevens that somehow culminates in a DDT that a luchadore from the heart of Mexico would be proud to deliver! There isn’t a cover, Ward instead dragging him to his feet, throwing his head between his legs and airing yet another of his moves - the First Generation Prize Winning Piledriver! Stevens head spikes into the canvas...but Ward just collapses himself, his chest moving up and down as he tries to draw in oxygen!
Joe Hoffman: We might have to call this match a no contest!
Benny Newell: No, Hoffman...we won’t. One of them will get up and will pin the other. We know this, it always happens. It’s professional wrestling...honestly. You’re like an over excited eight year old mark sometimes.
Joe Hoffman: That would be my job, Benny - to sell the match to the viewers. How many times do I have to tell you that?
Benny Newell: You have to tell me that every fucking week, Hoffman. Functioning alcoholic, remember?
Hoffman sighs, as Ward just about gets up before Stevens. There’s a brief flurry of moves before Ward gets the advantage with another brutal kick to the side of Stevens head...Stevens slumps, down onto one knee, and that’s all Ward needs - he takes one look before he flies off the ropes and looks for yet another Third Generation Award Winning Knee...but somehow, Stevens springs up and nails him with a Toxic Sting!!
Stevens moves over into a simplistic cover, sharing a brief look at the heavens with the crowd, seemingly praying that this move will be enough...
One....
Two...
Three!!!
Bryan McVay: The winner of the third fall, and the winner of the match, in 32 minutes, 22 seconds....SCOTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEENSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Stevens has to be helped up and supported by referee Boettcher as he raises his arm, both wrestlers looking absolutely exhausted at the end of that contest.
Joe Hoffman: Wow...what a way to open March To Glory, both wrestlers giving absolutely everything they had in that match. So close!
Benny Newell: Yeah...a good fucking match from a pair of complete fucking douchebags.
Joe Hoffman: That it was, Benny. Anyway, folks - it’s a pay per view. We don’t have time to dwell on things here...though that could be a potentially huge win for Stevens - we’ve got a commercial coming up next as Benny refills his drinks, and after that? Handicap action! Don’t move - not even to refill your chips and dip.
Joe Hoffman: Alright folks, it is my pleasure to welcome you to the 2013 edition of March To Glory, live from Rome, right here in the Colosseum!
Benny Newell: That’s right, douchebag - we’re in a place that saw Christians thrown to the lions, as well as all sorts of other cool shit that the Romans did here a few hundred years ago!
Joe Hoffman: Morelike two thousand years ago, Benny...
Benny Newell: Ya...listen to Mr. History Douchebag over there, he probably did his research instead of doing what a sensible person would do in a foreign country!
Joe Hoffman: Which is what, exactly, Benny?
Benny Newell: Fuckin’ drink, of course! Even if some of the bars are a fucking rip off!
Joe Hoffman: Which is why you should have bought a guidebook...anyone knows that the tourist bars are going to have expensive prices.
Benny Newell: Yeah, well...fuck you, Hoffman!
Joe Hoffman: Right. Anyway, folks, we have just four matches to bring to you on tonight’s live card - the other matches having been dropped to dark matches by Lee Best himself, having been disappointed in the showings that the wrestlers made in promoting their matches.
Benny Newell: Bunch of fucking lazy douchebags...
Joe Hoffman: That’s not a point I’m going to labour nor argue, Benny. But anyway, we still have our World Championship main event to bring you, as the 2013 Lee Best Invitational Winner John Sektor takes on our World Champion, Michael Lee Best!
Benny Newell: Which we all know is a fucking FARCE, Hoffman! Townsend never tapped out...that match never should have ended, that main event? It should be all Best Alliance!
Joe Hoffman: But he tapped out, and for a second year running, we have no Rhys Townsend on March To Glory.
Benny Newell: Which is fucking bullshit, and you know it.
Joe Hoffman: You only have Lee Best to blame for that, Benny.
Benny Newell: Fuck you, Hoffman. Fuck you.
Joe Hoffman: As well as that main event, we have our LSD Championship match! Maximillian Kael takes on the current LSD Champion and Best Alliance member, Professor Keller!
Benny Newell: The Good Professor’s too fucking intelligent for Max, he retains. NEXT!
Joe Hoffman: A vast underestimation of a Hall of Famer’s in-ring abilities by my commentary partner there...but it might happen. Or we might have a new LSD Champion!
Benny Newell: Nah. We won’t.
Joe Hoffman: We’ll see. And then we have our handicap match - Jace Parker Davidson takes on HOW’s own version of Girl Power, as he will face off against both Tara Michaels and Kirsta Lewis!
Benny Newell: And Benny’s hoping for some wardrobe malfunctions!
Joe Hoffman: Which will totally not happen. Both women are veterans and have prepared to stop such things from happening.
Benny Newell: Seriously...?
Joe Hoffman: What?
Benny Newell: Is this show like, the Joe Hoffman pisses all over Benny Newell’s dreams show?
Joe Hoffman: No, Benny, I’m just correcting you is all...
Benny Newell: Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to be corrected....asshole.
Joe Hoffman: Well, maybe you need to be corrected, Benny.
Benny Newell: Fuck you. Seriously, Hoffman, fuck you.
Joe Hoffman: Typical. And then we have our opening contest, as Ground Zero’s leader, Evan Ward, takes on an Unstable member in “The Scorpion” Scott Stevens!
Benny Newell: A match between two douchebags that I wish I didn’t have to watch or commentate on...
Joe Hoffman: So why don’t you just go to the bar then, Benny?
Benny Newell: Because someone’s got to sit here and make sure you don’t make every single money-paying mark tune out of the pay per view at this early stage!
Joe Hoffman: Right...anyway, folks, I’m sure you’ve already heard enough of the two of us blabbering on at ringside, so let’s throw it over to Bryan McVay and get this show started!
Benny Newell: Finally...sooner this match starts, sooner we can get onto the triumphant Best Alliance victories! DRINK!
The camera switches up to Bryan McVay, stood in the middle of the Colosseum.
Bryan McVay: The following contest is your opening contest of the evening and is a two out of three falls match! Introducing first...
The lights in the Colosseum go pitch black, as red lasers and spotlights light up the area. The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen, "Nothing survives my sting!" The crowd starts booing, but it’s not just a normal level of booing. It’s a booing of pure hatred. Chris Benoit level booing as an electric guitar wails throughout the PA system and the words of Dave Mustaine's voice echoes throughout the arena, "As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting. I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything. Then I, treat you like a dog, as I shoot my venom in. You pretend you didn't know, that I am The Scorpion, whoa!" The jeering intensifies as the instrumental after the chorus hits the speakers, drawing out Scott Stevens
Bryan McVay: ...Representing the Unstable and hailing from Houston, Texas, he weighed in at two hundred fifty six pounds, standing at six feet six inches, he is THE SCORPION SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEENSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
Walking down the aisle, he talks trash the entire way while raising a fist at a few of the more vocal bashers. As he finally gets to the ring, he climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stares down at the crowd, an icy glare and the throat slash gesture his only actions as he drops to the mat.
Benny Newell: And here’s a guy that often bores Benny to sleep when he opens his mouth, folks...so if you’re like me, now’s a good time to take a drink!
Joe Hoffman: Right...Stevens may not have experienced the success he experienced at the tail end of 2012 so far this year, but he’s still a force to be reckoned with inside that ring, and could pose more than a few problems for Evan Ward.
Benny Newell: Ya...this is like douchebag versus douchebag right here. It really is. I wish we could have dropped this fuckin’ match too, Hoffman. Would have been better for all of us.
Joe Hoffman: Or worse, because we’d be deprived of a potentially great wrestling match.
Benny Newell: Oh, here we go, Hoffman and his gay Ground Zero wrestling shit....again. DRINK!
Hoffman sighs as Rush’s Working Man replaces the Megadeth blaring through the Colosseum, hailing the appearance of Evan Ward to a rousing cheer from the crowd! Ward starts to make his way down the temporary ramp to the ring.
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, hailing from Hay-On-Wye, Wales, standing at five feet eleven inches and weighing in at two hundred five pounds, he is the leader of Ground Zero....EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN WAAAAAAAAAAAAARDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ward finishes making his way to the ring and warms up a little on the ropes.
Benny Newell: Alright fuckholes, Hoffman’s about to bore you to sleep with blah blah wrestling blah Ground Zero blah....
Joe Hoffman: You mean Hoffman’s about to do his actual job...
Benny Newell: You call it doing your job, I call it Hoffman’s cure for motherfucking insomnia.
Joe Hoffman: I love how you have so much faith and confidence in my skills, partner.
Benny Newell: Please don’t call me that.
Joe Hoffman: Call you what?
Benny Newell: Partner. It makes us sound like we’re gay, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: Now, see, that’s just not true...
Benny Newell: Yeah, it is. You know it too, ya fucking douchebag!
Joe Hoffman: Right...
Boettcher has finished checking over the two wrestlers and making sure they’re ready to go, so he calls for the bell, as the two wrestlers start to circle each other!
Joe Hoffman: Anyway, we’re finally underway! Folks, we can expect perhaps a little more of a technical match here than we’re used to seeing from Scott Stevens, as he’s going to want to wear Ward down, keep him from gaining momentum and flying around the ring, because if that happens, the advantage will firmly be in Ward’s corner...
Benny Newell: No fucking shit, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: And with the match potentially going three falls, he’s got to look to play somewhat of a long game here tonight.
Benny Newell: Which means this match could get really boring.
Joe Hoffman: Or really interesting. Evan Ward, on the other hand, is obviously going to want to make this his match, by speeding it up and keeping it at a high pace - he has the speed advantage, and he’s going to back himself in the cardio department, so he’s going to look to wear out Scott Stevens, to keep him off balance and to try and blitz him, effectively.
Benny Newell: Which means we are going to get to watch my favourite thing about Evan Ward - will he break his fucking neck when he flips around like an insane little monkey!
Joe Hoffman: Hopefully not...that would be horrific.
Benny Newell: Which is exactly why it would be fucking awesome!
They continue circling for another few long seconds, before they tear into a collar and elbow tieup! Neither man wants to give an inch, but Stevens strength overpowers Ward, as he quickly goes to a top wrist lock, controlling Ward’s arm. Ward tests it, before he flips his way out of it, and quickly connects with a dropkick, staggering Stevens back! Stevens doesn’t like being staggered and quickly charges forward, looking to nail Ward with a clothesline, but the smaller man ducks underneath it, popping up behind Stevens and again, nailing him with another dropkick in the small of his back! Stevens staggers forward into the ropes, bouncing back off them, chest first, as Ward bounces off the ropes and flies towards Stevens, looking for yet another dropkick! Stevens hears him coming, and Ward’s boots connect with nothing but thin air!
Joe Hoffman: Ward’s doing the sensible thing here, looking to keep the bigger man off-balance so he can force the pace!
Benny Newell: Ya...still waiting for the flippy shit so he can break his neck.
Joe Hoffman: Perhaps he won’t break his neck tonight, Benny?
Stevens quickly turns as Ward gets back to his feet and starts unleashing fierce rights, staggering the smaller man back! He whips him into the ropes after a particularly venomous right, and as Ward comes back, Stevens connects with a dropkick of his own, smashing his boots right into Ward’s chin! Ward goes down, but doesn’t stay there as The Scorpion grabs a handful of hair, dragging the smaller man back to his feet before he damn near takes his head off with a brutal lariat!
Joe Hoffman: Ooh, a nasty impact there!
Benny Newell: Which is what happens when you are a smaller guy, Hoffman...I thought you would have watched enough wrestling by now to know this.
Joe Hoffman: That doesn’t stop the impacts from being nasty, Benny.
Benny Newell: Yeah...yeah, it does. Which is why I always want to see the guy break his neck - ya don’t see that too fucking often, do you?
Hoffman sighs as again, Stevens reaches down and picks up the discombobulated Ward, quickly picking him up and dropping him across his knee with a series of backbreakers, before he lets Ward drop to the canvas, taking a moment to play to the Roman crowd! The crowd jeer him as Ward picks himself back up, Stevens unaware of his opponent’s state. Stevens turns right as Ward gets to his feet and looks to unleash another looping right, but Ward quickly starts firing away with martial arts kicks before The Scorpion can uncork! Ward fires kick after kick after kick, sending The Scorpion staggering back towards the turnbuckle, where he hits a moonsault dropkick right onto Stevens chin! Ward then takes a step or two back before he runs, and leaping, connects with nothing but jaw with a leg lariat! Stevens slumps down, and as soon as Ward gets back up, he’s already leaping through the air, dropping his boots right onto Stevens jaw with a basement dropkick!
Joe Hoffman: And just like that, Ward has increased the pace of the match!
Benny Newell: Which means he’s gonna start flying soon, right?
Joe Hoffman: You’d hope...
Benny Newell: Which means we might get to see him break his neck! DRINK!
Hoffman sighs as Ward stands ready, Stevens starting to pick himself up, a little groggy as he does so. Once he gets to his feet, he shakes his head, clearing it, before he looks around for his light-heavyweight opponent...but he can’t see him - because Ward is already flying through the air, his legs wrapping around Stevens head, quickly snapping him to the canvas with a springboard hurricanrana! Ward stays, looking for the early cover...
One....
Two....
No!
Stevens kicks out!
Joe Hoffman: Ward’s building a head of steam here...Stevens needs to get back into it, or Ward will pick up the first fall!
Stevens looks frustrated as he gets back to his feet, looking for his opponent, who has already disappeared, charging across the ring into the ropes, flying back towards Stevens as he again, leaps through the air, this time looking for a flying head scissors! Stevens quickly looks to pancake Ward, but he doesn’t manage it, Ward sending him flying head over heels with the head scissors! Again, Stevens picks himself up, a little slower this time as Ward unleashes a few more kicks at his midsection before he boots him in the gut in the most rudimentary fashion, dropping him head first onto the canvas with a DDT! Stevens’ head spikes on the ring, as Ward again, springboards off the ropes with a moonsault! Again, he hooks the leg, looking for yet another cover....
One...
Two....
No!
And again, Stevens kicks out!
Benny Newell: Ya know, if that douchebag doesn’t do something soon, he’ll lose this first fall.
Joe Hoffman: That’s what I said a few minutes ago, Benny.
Benny Newell: You did?
Joe Hoffman: Yes.
Benny Newell: Well, nobody listens to you anyway, Hoffhole. DRINK!
Stevens again, gets back up and this time, Ward was a little slower so he actually does make his fist meet face! He delivers an onslaught, stunning Ward, where he quickly uses the opportunity to deliver a snap suplex! Ward’s back slaps off the canvas as Stevens takes the moment to get his bearings back, before he grabs Ward’s hair and drags him back up. Stevens grabs a front waist lock before he snaps Ward overhead with a belly to belly suplex! Ward again flies, but not in the way he wants to fly - before Stevens quickly follows up, dragging him to his feet. He picks him up in a vertical suplex, but does not drop him back first, instead spiking him right onto his head with a brainbuster! He moves into a perfunctory cover as referee Boettcher drops...
One....
Two....
No!
It’s now Ward’s turn to kick out!
Joe Hoffman: And just like that, the momentum switches!
Benny Newell: A few more powerful moves, and Ward’s wishing he had an extra six inches and fifty pounds!
Joe Hoffman: You don’t know that, Benny - to my knowledge, Evan Ward enjoys his high risk offence.
Benny Newell: So do I, Hoffman, but when you’re giving up nearly sixty pounds to your opponent, you gotta wish you ate a few more cheeseburgers, right?
Joe Hoffman: I guess...
Stevens gives Boettcher an enquiring look as he drags Ward back to his feet, but taking his eye off the ball for just a moment is a huge mistake as Ward leaps and immediately connects with the Second Generation Flying Knee out of nowhere! Stevens goes down like the proverbial sack of shit as it’s now Ward’s time to take a moment to clear his head. He quickly leaps up onto the top turnbuckle, as Stevens pulls himself to his feet, more out of habit than out of a clarity of mind, and Ward leaps through the air, looking to nail him with some sort of flying neckbreaker, but out of absolutely nowhere, Stevens connects with the Toxic Sting!!! Ward goes down heavy, as Stevens takes a moment to crawl over into the cover...Boettcher drops...
One....
Two....
Three!!!!
Bryan McVay: The winner of the first fall, in 16 minutes, 34 seconds...Scott Stevens!
Joe Hoffman: And just like that, the first fall is decided!
Benny Newell: High risk offence means you crash and fucking burn, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: He certainly did there, Benny - Stevens though just came up with that move out of absolutely nowhere! Great ring awareness from the veteran!
Benny Newell: No point being a fucking veteran if you can’t do shit like that, is there?
Joe Hoffman: Touche.
Stevens is, naturally, the first man to pull himself to his feet, and the first thing he does, on seeing that Ward is still prone on the canvas is to quickly drop into another cover...
Joe Hoffman: Opportunistic cover from Stevens right here...
One....
Two...
Th...NO!
Ward kicks out!
Joe Hoffman: That so very nearly worked for him right there, Benny.
Benny Newell: Ya, it did. Gotta use your brain, Hoffman. I mean, if you can pick up two pinfalls off one move and be done with it right then and there? Ya might as fucking well, right?
Joe Hoffman: Exactly. Good smarts right there.
Stevens drags the smaller man up by his hair yet again, and takes a moment to slap him, letting Ward know that he’s not even on his level...but all it does is wake up the leader of Ground Zero who again, starts unleashing with martial arts kick after martial arts kick! Stevens, staggering backwards, manages to catch one of the boots, but all he does is set himself up for an enziguri kick from Ward!
Joe Hoffman: Whereas that, perhaps, was a little stupid.
Benny Newell: Ya, you could say that.
Joe Hoffman: I just did, Benny...
Benny Newell: Oh...I’d explain it, but it just ain’t fucking worth it. DRINK!
Both men lay on the canvas, taking their time to draw breath, before, somehow, Stevens gets back up before Ward. Ward starts to pull himself back up off his feet, but Stevens quickly drops an elbow into the small of Ward’s back, driving him back into the canvas! Ward, again, goes to pick himself back up but Stevens drops elbow after elbow into Ward’s back, keeping him pinned to the canvas, unable to drag himself up. Stevens, sensing an opportunity, moves into a rear naked choke...but Ward immediately starts throwing his legs out! He isn’t quite close enough to the ropes, so he rolls, before he tries again and manages to hurl a foot over the bottom rope! Boettcher calls for the break, which Stevens reluctantly gives him.
Joe Hoffman: Another smart move there...choke Ward out, take away his gas tank, slow him down and stop him from unleashing that high risk, high speed offence.
Benny Newell: See, shit like that is what I would have been doing from the word go, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: Yeah?
Benny Newell: Too fucking right.
Joe Hoffman: So why aren’t you a, you know, HOW Champion then, Benny?
Benny Newell: Because I want to give others a chance. Plus, I’d fuck my dick RAW if I was the ICON Champion...
Joe Hoffman: I was hoping we weren’t going to go there...
Benny Newell: Then your expectations of me are clearly too high. DRINK!
Stevens looks a little frustrated as he again, drags Ward up off the canvas, wasting no time in delivering a T-Bone suplex...but it’s one of those moves that does nothing other than wake your opponent up! Ward charges back, looking for a clothesline of his own but Stevens ducks underneath...and then drops to the canvas after Ward leaps off the second rope, looking for a back elbow! Ward meets nothing but canvas, but is still quick to get to his feet...but it’s a wasted effort as Stevens flies at him, unleashing a huge headbutt! He grabs Ward’s head again, throwing it between his legs before he snaps off a brutal powerbomb!
Ward’s back snaps off the canvas, as Stevens holds on, hoisting him back into the air before he fires him into the canvas for a second time! But again, he doesn’t release, pulling Ward back up for a third time, before he takes a few steps and powerbombs Ward right into the turnbuckle! Ward slumps down, but Stevens picks him back up to a standing position, before he backs off. He then charges across the ring, leaping through the air and nailing Ward with a Stinger Splash! Ward slumps down, and Stevens drags him away from the corner and away from the ropes as he drops into yet another pinfall attempt...
One....
Two.....
No!
Ward again, somehow finds it within himself to kick out!
Joe Hoffman: Ward is taking some serious punishment here...
Benny Newell: Ya, because he’s fucking gassed and the power moves are annihilating him!
Joe Hoffman: That they are, Benny - Stevens really has the upper hand right now.
Stevens starts to signal for a second Toxic Sting, waiting for Ward to finally drag himself to his feet, and when he does, he grabs Ward’s chin...but Ward pushes him away before he leaps up and nails The Scorpion with an inverted hurricanrana! Stevens goes down hard, but quickly pulls himself back up before he finds himself met with a series of elbows, backing him up into the turnbuckle! Ward continues unleashing strikes, stunning Stevens before he lifts him up onto the top turnbuckle, springboarding off the ropes and hitting him with an absolutely beautiful hurricanrana! Stevens smashes into the canvas, and again, Ward leaps up to the top turnbuckle. Stevens, wary of dropping a pinfall, again, drags himself to his feet, but that - that was a mistake as Ward soars through the air, landing on Stevens shoulders where he quickly snaps off a dragonrana! He can’t quite stay there for the pinfall, the exertions of the last few minutes causing him to lie on his back, drawing breath in deeply.
Joe Hoffman: And that, right there, folks, is why Evan Ward is just so dangerous - one moment and he can turn the entire match around!
Benny Newell: Well, Hoffman, he’s still one fall down...still got a bit of work on right here.
Joe Hoffman: Obviously, but right now? He’s in the ascendancy.
Benny Newell: Fucking DUH. DRINK!
Both men get back up at more or less the same time and start exchanging blows at a significantly slower speed than they were at earlier stages in the match, Stevens power giving him an advantage over Ward. He whips Ward into the ropes, but doesn’t get an opportunity to nail a move, dropping his head a little too early for the spinebuster, allowing Ward to nail his head with a dropkick! He drops down to the canvas, again, quickly picking himself up but Ward goes downstairs with another dropkick, taking one of his legs clean out! It’s as if someone just fed Ward a bottle of Powerade, as the lights upstairs seemingly all come back on at the same time as he takes a few steps backwards before flying forwards and absolutely connecting with a Third Generation Award Winning Knee absolutely flush on Stevens’ jaw! Stevens goes out like a light as Ward slumps into a cover...
One....
Two....
Three!!!
Bryan McVay: And the winner of the second fall, in 22 minutes, 56 seconds....Evan Ward!
Joe Hoffman: And now we’re all tied up and into the third and decisive fall, folks!
Benny Newell: Ya...so hopefully we’ll be fucking done soon!
Joe Hoffman: You can dream, Benny...though I really don’t think either man has that much more to give here tonight.
Benny Newell: Ya, well, Stevens looks out of it - if Ward could just cover the fucker now, we’d be done already!
Joe Hoffman: I don’t think Ward is in a much better state, to be honest with you.
Benny Newell: Fucking lightweight...
Eventually, both men pull themselves back up and start exchanging the most base of blows in the middle of the ring - punches. Neither man is really packing that much power in their fists, both already having given a hell of a lot in the match, and the Roman crowd appreciates it, booing or cheering along with the punches. Neither man is willing to give a single inch, and they keep firing away, until Ward steps up with an enziguri, knocking The Scorpion to the canvas! Stevens stays there as Ward leaps up with a standing moonsault, managing to stay in position for the cover....
One....
Two....
No!
Stevens manages to get his shoulder up at the last possible millisecond!
Benny Newell: See, like I said - if Ward had gone for the cover straight after that knee of his...we’d be done already. But no, he had to take a fucking breather, so some goddamned kick and a moonsault? That’s not gonna do it. Not after all of this.
Joe Hoffman: Surely a kick and a moonsault would have a higher success rate after all of this?
Benny Newell: Pfft...I dunno what fantasy fucking dreamland you’re living in, Hoffman, but this is professional wrestling. Have you already forgotten everything I fucking taught you at War Games last year?
Joe Hoffman: No, Benny...you remind me about it every few weeks, after all.
Benny Newell: Good. Because I’d fucking hate to think that some of my wisdom was lost on you. DRINK!
Ward charges at Stevens as he picks himself up, but finds himself met with a vicious Double S Spinebuster for his troubles! Stevens takes a moment to draw in breath, looking up and around at the famous Colosseum as he does so...which just allows Ward to slowly, but surely find his way back up to his feet. Once there, there’s a brief flurry of blows before Stevens takes the first shortcut of the match, as he rakes Ward’s eyes! He takes full advantage of it, somehow finding the strength and energy to hoist Ward onto his shoulders before he drives him, head first into the canvas with Houston, We Have A Problem! It’s the most perfunctory of perfunctory covers that follows, as he just about drags his arm over Ward’s chest...
One...
Two....
No!
Ward somehow gets a shoulder up!
Joe Hoffman: Honestly, I’m not quite sure how these two athletes are still kicking out.
Benny Newell: Because they aren’t kicking out, douchebag - they’re just getting a fucking shoulder up.
Joe Hoffman: Touche.
Stevens drags Ward up, again, gesturing for the Toxic Sting, but as he boots Ward in the gut, Ward catches his leg before he steps over it and delivers a vicious kick, right to the side of Stevens head! Stevens goes down and Ward, a little shakily, pulls himself up the turnbuckles, before he arcs through the air, landing chest on chest with a moonsault! He’s in no position to go for the cover, the impact having sent him flying himself! Both men slowly drag themselves up, Ward a little ahead of Stevens, which is all the opportunity he needs to run, jump and deliver some flippy shit to Stevens that somehow culminates in a DDT that a luchadore from the heart of Mexico would be proud to deliver! There isn’t a cover, Ward instead dragging him to his feet, throwing his head between his legs and airing yet another of his moves - the First Generation Prize Winning Piledriver! Stevens head spikes into the canvas...but Ward just collapses himself, his chest moving up and down as he tries to draw in oxygen!
Joe Hoffman: We might have to call this match a no contest!
Benny Newell: No, Hoffman...we won’t. One of them will get up and will pin the other. We know this, it always happens. It’s professional wrestling...honestly. You’re like an over excited eight year old mark sometimes.
Joe Hoffman: That would be my job, Benny - to sell the match to the viewers. How many times do I have to tell you that?
Benny Newell: You have to tell me that every fucking week, Hoffman. Functioning alcoholic, remember?
Hoffman sighs, as Ward just about gets up before Stevens. There’s a brief flurry of moves before Ward gets the advantage with another brutal kick to the side of Stevens head...Stevens slumps, down onto one knee, and that’s all Ward needs - he takes one look before he flies off the ropes and looks for yet another Third Generation Award Winning Knee...but somehow, Stevens springs up and nails him with a Toxic Sting!!
Stevens moves over into a simplistic cover, sharing a brief look at the heavens with the crowd, seemingly praying that this move will be enough...
One....
Two...
Three!!!
Bryan McVay: The winner of the third fall, and the winner of the match, in 32 minutes, 22 seconds....SCOTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEENSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Stevens has to be helped up and supported by referee Boettcher as he raises his arm, both wrestlers looking absolutely exhausted at the end of that contest.
Joe Hoffman: Wow...what a way to open March To Glory, both wrestlers giving absolutely everything they had in that match. So close!
Benny Newell: Yeah...a good fucking match from a pair of complete fucking douchebags.
Joe Hoffman: That it was, Benny. Anyway, folks - it’s a pay per view. We don’t have time to dwell on things here...though that could be a potentially huge win for Stevens - we’ve got a commercial coming up next as Benny refills his drinks, and after that? Handicap action! Don’t move - not even to refill your chips and dip.