Post by Jman2k3 on Jun 15, 2018 6:07:24 GMT
Joe Hoffman: Alright folks, welcome back to ringside! We are all set here to bring you the LSD Championship match, as Chris Diamond gets his rematch against the man who won it in the Lethal Lottery last week, Scott Stevens.
Benny Newell: Anything that’s an excuse to watch Chris Diamond get destroyed by one of his betters is good by me, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: Did...did you just compliment Stevens?
Benny Newell: Fuck no, Hoffman...I haven’t gone fucking soft! Anyone could beat Diamond, including you! He got lucky against Black, and now we’re going to go back to watching him lose every week.
Joe Hoffman: That’s a little harsh, Benny. The LSD Championship could be a stepping stone for him - something that pushes him onto greater heights in this business!
Benny Newell: I fucking doubt it, Hoffman. Diamond isn’t just tainted with sucking, he is the very fucking definition of it!
Joe Hoffman: Right…
Benny Newell: You know I’m fucking right! You know it!
Joe Hoffman: That’s a debatable point, Benny…
Hoffman doesn’t get a chance to reply as a loud camera flash goes off and the arena goes blinding bright white and fades to dark as Justin Timberlake's Sexyback starts to play. Chris Diamond emerges from behind on top of the stage by the ramp
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, he is the challenger, hailing from Pure, Michigan and weighing in at two hundred thirty two pounds….CHRISTOPHERRRRRRRRRRRR DIAMONDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!
He points to some random hot bitch just as "come here girl" is said in the song and she starts to grind on Diamond. He takes off his vest and hands it to her and heads down to the ring.
Benny Newell: See...any douche who wears plastic vests and visors fucking sucks. My point was made before, and it still stands now….DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: I disagree with you, Benny, but I realise that you are going to be pretty implacable on this subject…
Benny Newell: I don’t know what that fucking word means, but I’m going to take it as you agreeing with me, Hoffhole.
The lights in the arena go pitch black, as red lasers and spotlights light up the area. The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen, "Nothing survives my sting!" The crowd starts booing, but it’s not just a normal level of booing. It’s a booing of pure hatred. Chris Benoit level booing as an electric guitar wails throughout the PA system and the words of Dave Mustaine's voice echoes throughout the arena, "As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting. I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything. Then I, treat you like a dog, as I shoot my venom in. You pretend you didn't know, that I am The Scorpion, whoa!"
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, he is the reigning, defending High Octane Wrestling LSD Champion, hailing from Houston, Texas and weighing in at two hundred fifty six pounds, he is The Scorpion SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEVENSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
The jeering intensifies as the instrumental after the chorus hits the speakers, drawing out the reigning High Octane Wrestling LSD champion. Walking down the aisle, he talks trash the entire way while raising a fist at a few of the more vocal bashers. As he finally gets to the ring, he climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stares down at the crowd, an icy glare and the throat slash gesture his only actions as he drops to the mat.
Benny Newell: And just so we’re clear, Hoffman, I hate this asshole too. But he should beat Diamond, because, you know...even me, at the end of the show, when I’m fucking blackout drunk, could probably beat Chris Diamond.
Joe Hoffman: Honestly, Benny, I think you’re underestimating the former LSD Champion there...he has a bright future ahead of him.
Benny Newell: Oh, sure, a bright future - why, what’s he gonna start to fucking do, wear neon? ‘Cus he ain’t gonna do much in that fucking ring, that’s for sure.
Joe Hoffman: Benny, we will have to agree to disagree on the issue of Christopher Diamond.
Benny Newell: No, Hoffman, no we fucking won’t. Because if you don’t agree, I will fucking beat you like I beat my hookers until you do!
Joe Hoffman: Honestly, Benny, I thought better of you than that.
Benny Newell: Then you thought fucking wrong, didn’t you? DRINK!
Hortega finishes showing the belt off to the crowd, and as soon as he’s passed it out of the ring, he calls for the bell! There’s no moment of silence, no interregnum between the two men as they fly out of their respective corners and immediately start trading blows in the center of the ring! It looks, for a moment, like Stevens’ superior size and experience advantage is going to put him on top, but out of nowhere, Diamond nails him with a huge Mongolian chop, staggering the bigger man! There’s a brief moment of thought, before Diamond flies off the ropes and through the air with a clothesline, dropping Stevens to the canvas!
Joe Hoffman: Still insistant upon underestimating Diamond, Benny?
Benny Newell: Hoffman, it’s the opening minutes of the match. You watch...Stevens will come back, dominate Diamond, and win. Because Diamond fucking sucks.
Joe Hoffman: Again, Benny, I must register my disagreement with your last statement.
Benny Newell: Register away, Hoffhole...I don’t give a fuck because I know I’m right!
Diamond looks to keep up the offense on Stevens, nailing The Scorpion with a dropkick once he gets back to his feet! Stevens goes down, but pops back up fairly quickly, as Diamond takes a moment, before he starts chopping the chest of the bigger guy! Stevens fires back with right hand after right hand, but Diamond’s dogged determination eventually allows him to back Stevens into the turnbuckle, where his onslaught of chops intensifies! Eventually, he chops Stevens so hard that The Scorpion falls into a seated position, and Diamond starts to loop around the ring, pointing at the dazed Stevens and gesturing furiously with his crotch…
Benny Newell: See...what sort of fucking homosexual fucking faggot does this? I mean...c’mon. Even you must see that, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: I’ll say this, Benny - I’ve never quite understood the offensive potential of...well, smashing your crotch repeatedly into another man’s face.
Benny Newell: And it’s pretty fucking gay. C’mon...say it.
Joe Hoffman: And it may well be pretty...well, homosexual.
Benny Newell: That’ll do, pig, that’ll do.
Joe Hoffman: Did...did you just reference a film about a pig?
Benny Newell: I have absolutely no idea what you’re on about, Hoffman. DRINK!
Diamond does indeed charge across the ring and starts...well, we’ll go with starts to deliver a Bronco Buster. Whatever Diamond’s level of personal hygiene, this quickly wakes up The Scorpion, who grabs hold of Diamond as he rises back to his feet, hoisting him into the air before he snaps him down with the most vicious powerbomb this side of Chris Kostoff’s signature No Remorse!
Joe Hoffman: Oh man, that’s GOT to have hurt!
Benny Newell: Fucking duh, Hoffhole. Most wrestling moves sorta, y’know...fucking hurt. Idiot.
Joe Hoffman: Yes, but that one looked like it may have hurt more than your regular powerbomb…
Benny Newell: Again, fucking DUH. Diamond was stupid enough to rub his balls on Stevens’ chin...did you think Stevens was just going to tickle him, asshole?
Joe Hoffman: No, but I was just attempting to do my job, Benny…
Benny Newell: Yeah, well, you fucking suck at it, Hoffman. Fucking suck.
Stevens immediately heads to the side of the ring, and starts spitting, before he calls for some water. He quickly dowses his head with the bottle, before he starts to take a long, cleansing gulp of the stuff...unfortunately for him, this is more than enough time for Diamond to sneak up behind him and quickly package him up! Hortega drops for the count…
Uno….
Dos…..
Tr...NO!!!
Stevens kicks out of the Small Package before Hortega’s hand drops for a third time!
Joe Hoffman: Diamond came really close to stealing the victory right there!
Benny Newell: Which is the only way he’s going to get the victory, Hoffman. By theft.
Joe Hoffman: A win is a win, Benny…
Benny Newell: Which is something you have never said when someone I like cheats their way to victory…
Joe Hoffman: Because that was cheating. Diamond there...he was just being opportunistic.
Benny Newell: You’re a fucking nitpicking asshole, Hoffman.
Both men retain their feet at more or less the same time, and while Diamond immediately fires off a right hand, Stevens seems to take a moment, almost like he’s consulting a huge moveslist, before he fires off a headbutt! There’s no chance for Diamond to reply as the larger man fires off another headbutt, and another and another, backing Diamond into the ropes! He then whips him off, as he advances into the middle of the ring, delivering a huge Double S Spinebuster! He doesn’t leave Diamond laying for long, grabbing both his legs as he turns him over and sits down right into a Boston Crab!
Joe Hoffman: A devastating array of moves from Stevens there to firmly turn the momentum in his direction! Can Diamond make it to the ropes?
Benny Newell: Nope. He’s gonna tap to a Boston Crab like he’s some little flaky bitch, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: I doubt that, Benny. If there’s one thing you cannot dispute about Diamond, it’s that he has fight.
Benny Newell: Pfft….like anyone gives a shit about “fight”, Hoffman.
Diamond screams out as Stevens torques the hold as much as he can...but DIamond pushes himself up and crawls a little bit closer to the ropes. The two men fight like this for a moment or two, Stevens torquing and Diamond crawling, until eventually, Diamond makes it to the ropes, and Hortega calls for the break. Stevens releases on the count of four, and backs off, allowing Diamond to get back up. When he does, Diamond charges at Stevens, looking for another clothesline - something, anything to turn the tide in his favor, but Stevens ducks underneath it! He doesn’t snap on a waistlock and fire off a German Suplex, instead waiting for Diamond to turn...and as soon as he does….well, there’s only one outcome - Toxic Sting!
Stevens drops into a simplistic cover….
Uno….
Dos….
Tres!!!!
Bryan McVay: And your winner, in 12 minutes, 34 seconds and STILL HOW LSD Champion…..SCOTTTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
Benny Newell: I told you. I fucking told you. Diamond isn’t on Stevens’ level, so of course he was going to fucking lose.
Joe Hoffman: You were, indeed, right, Benny. But Diamond showed a tremendous amount of fight and heart here tonight, just like he does every time he steps into this ring. Anyway, folks, do not go anywhere - we have to take a commercial break, but our next match? The in ring return of Rhys Townsend. We’ll be right back!
Benny Newell: Anything that’s an excuse to watch Chris Diamond get destroyed by one of his betters is good by me, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: Did...did you just compliment Stevens?
Benny Newell: Fuck no, Hoffman...I haven’t gone fucking soft! Anyone could beat Diamond, including you! He got lucky against Black, and now we’re going to go back to watching him lose every week.
Joe Hoffman: That’s a little harsh, Benny. The LSD Championship could be a stepping stone for him - something that pushes him onto greater heights in this business!
Benny Newell: I fucking doubt it, Hoffman. Diamond isn’t just tainted with sucking, he is the very fucking definition of it!
Joe Hoffman: Right…
Benny Newell: You know I’m fucking right! You know it!
Joe Hoffman: That’s a debatable point, Benny…
Hoffman doesn’t get a chance to reply as a loud camera flash goes off and the arena goes blinding bright white and fades to dark as Justin Timberlake's Sexyback starts to play. Chris Diamond emerges from behind on top of the stage by the ramp
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, he is the challenger, hailing from Pure, Michigan and weighing in at two hundred thirty two pounds….CHRISTOPHERRRRRRRRRRRR DIAMONDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!
He points to some random hot bitch just as "come here girl" is said in the song and she starts to grind on Diamond. He takes off his vest and hands it to her and heads down to the ring.
Benny Newell: See...any douche who wears plastic vests and visors fucking sucks. My point was made before, and it still stands now….DRINK!
Joe Hoffman: I disagree with you, Benny, but I realise that you are going to be pretty implacable on this subject…
Benny Newell: I don’t know what that fucking word means, but I’m going to take it as you agreeing with me, Hoffhole.
The lights in the arena go pitch black, as red lasers and spotlights light up the area. The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen, "Nothing survives my sting!" The crowd starts booing, but it’s not just a normal level of booing. It’s a booing of pure hatred. Chris Benoit level booing as an electric guitar wails throughout the PA system and the words of Dave Mustaine's voice echoes throughout the arena, "As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting. I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything. Then I, treat you like a dog, as I shoot my venom in. You pretend you didn't know, that I am The Scorpion, whoa!"
Bryan McVay: And his opponent, he is the reigning, defending High Octane Wrestling LSD Champion, hailing from Houston, Texas and weighing in at two hundred fifty six pounds, he is The Scorpion SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEVENSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
The jeering intensifies as the instrumental after the chorus hits the speakers, drawing out the reigning High Octane Wrestling LSD champion. Walking down the aisle, he talks trash the entire way while raising a fist at a few of the more vocal bashers. As he finally gets to the ring, he climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stares down at the crowd, an icy glare and the throat slash gesture his only actions as he drops to the mat.
Benny Newell: And just so we’re clear, Hoffman, I hate this asshole too. But he should beat Diamond, because, you know...even me, at the end of the show, when I’m fucking blackout drunk, could probably beat Chris Diamond.
Joe Hoffman: Honestly, Benny, I think you’re underestimating the former LSD Champion there...he has a bright future ahead of him.
Benny Newell: Oh, sure, a bright future - why, what’s he gonna start to fucking do, wear neon? ‘Cus he ain’t gonna do much in that fucking ring, that’s for sure.
Joe Hoffman: Benny, we will have to agree to disagree on the issue of Christopher Diamond.
Benny Newell: No, Hoffman, no we fucking won’t. Because if you don’t agree, I will fucking beat you like I beat my hookers until you do!
Joe Hoffman: Honestly, Benny, I thought better of you than that.
Benny Newell: Then you thought fucking wrong, didn’t you? DRINK!
Hortega finishes showing the belt off to the crowd, and as soon as he’s passed it out of the ring, he calls for the bell! There’s no moment of silence, no interregnum between the two men as they fly out of their respective corners and immediately start trading blows in the center of the ring! It looks, for a moment, like Stevens’ superior size and experience advantage is going to put him on top, but out of nowhere, Diamond nails him with a huge Mongolian chop, staggering the bigger man! There’s a brief moment of thought, before Diamond flies off the ropes and through the air with a clothesline, dropping Stevens to the canvas!
Joe Hoffman: Still insistant upon underestimating Diamond, Benny?
Benny Newell: Hoffman, it’s the opening minutes of the match. You watch...Stevens will come back, dominate Diamond, and win. Because Diamond fucking sucks.
Joe Hoffman: Again, Benny, I must register my disagreement with your last statement.
Benny Newell: Register away, Hoffhole...I don’t give a fuck because I know I’m right!
Diamond looks to keep up the offense on Stevens, nailing The Scorpion with a dropkick once he gets back to his feet! Stevens goes down, but pops back up fairly quickly, as Diamond takes a moment, before he starts chopping the chest of the bigger guy! Stevens fires back with right hand after right hand, but Diamond’s dogged determination eventually allows him to back Stevens into the turnbuckle, where his onslaught of chops intensifies! Eventually, he chops Stevens so hard that The Scorpion falls into a seated position, and Diamond starts to loop around the ring, pointing at the dazed Stevens and gesturing furiously with his crotch…
Benny Newell: See...what sort of fucking homosexual fucking faggot does this? I mean...c’mon. Even you must see that, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: I’ll say this, Benny - I’ve never quite understood the offensive potential of...well, smashing your crotch repeatedly into another man’s face.
Benny Newell: And it’s pretty fucking gay. C’mon...say it.
Joe Hoffman: And it may well be pretty...well, homosexual.
Benny Newell: That’ll do, pig, that’ll do.
Joe Hoffman: Did...did you just reference a film about a pig?
Benny Newell: I have absolutely no idea what you’re on about, Hoffman. DRINK!
Diamond does indeed charge across the ring and starts...well, we’ll go with starts to deliver a Bronco Buster. Whatever Diamond’s level of personal hygiene, this quickly wakes up The Scorpion, who grabs hold of Diamond as he rises back to his feet, hoisting him into the air before he snaps him down with the most vicious powerbomb this side of Chris Kostoff’s signature No Remorse!
Joe Hoffman: Oh man, that’s GOT to have hurt!
Benny Newell: Fucking duh, Hoffhole. Most wrestling moves sorta, y’know...fucking hurt. Idiot.
Joe Hoffman: Yes, but that one looked like it may have hurt more than your regular powerbomb…
Benny Newell: Again, fucking DUH. Diamond was stupid enough to rub his balls on Stevens’ chin...did you think Stevens was just going to tickle him, asshole?
Joe Hoffman: No, but I was just attempting to do my job, Benny…
Benny Newell: Yeah, well, you fucking suck at it, Hoffman. Fucking suck.
Stevens immediately heads to the side of the ring, and starts spitting, before he calls for some water. He quickly dowses his head with the bottle, before he starts to take a long, cleansing gulp of the stuff...unfortunately for him, this is more than enough time for Diamond to sneak up behind him and quickly package him up! Hortega drops for the count…
Uno….
Dos…..
Tr...NO!!!
Stevens kicks out of the Small Package before Hortega’s hand drops for a third time!
Joe Hoffman: Diamond came really close to stealing the victory right there!
Benny Newell: Which is the only way he’s going to get the victory, Hoffman. By theft.
Joe Hoffman: A win is a win, Benny…
Benny Newell: Which is something you have never said when someone I like cheats their way to victory…
Joe Hoffman: Because that was cheating. Diamond there...he was just being opportunistic.
Benny Newell: You’re a fucking nitpicking asshole, Hoffman.
Both men retain their feet at more or less the same time, and while Diamond immediately fires off a right hand, Stevens seems to take a moment, almost like he’s consulting a huge moveslist, before he fires off a headbutt! There’s no chance for Diamond to reply as the larger man fires off another headbutt, and another and another, backing Diamond into the ropes! He then whips him off, as he advances into the middle of the ring, delivering a huge Double S Spinebuster! He doesn’t leave Diamond laying for long, grabbing both his legs as he turns him over and sits down right into a Boston Crab!
Joe Hoffman: A devastating array of moves from Stevens there to firmly turn the momentum in his direction! Can Diamond make it to the ropes?
Benny Newell: Nope. He’s gonna tap to a Boston Crab like he’s some little flaky bitch, Hoffman.
Joe Hoffman: I doubt that, Benny. If there’s one thing you cannot dispute about Diamond, it’s that he has fight.
Benny Newell: Pfft….like anyone gives a shit about “fight”, Hoffman.
Diamond screams out as Stevens torques the hold as much as he can...but DIamond pushes himself up and crawls a little bit closer to the ropes. The two men fight like this for a moment or two, Stevens torquing and Diamond crawling, until eventually, Diamond makes it to the ropes, and Hortega calls for the break. Stevens releases on the count of four, and backs off, allowing Diamond to get back up. When he does, Diamond charges at Stevens, looking for another clothesline - something, anything to turn the tide in his favor, but Stevens ducks underneath it! He doesn’t snap on a waistlock and fire off a German Suplex, instead waiting for Diamond to turn...and as soon as he does….well, there’s only one outcome - Toxic Sting!
Stevens drops into a simplistic cover….
Uno….
Dos….
Tres!!!!
Bryan McVay: And your winner, in 12 minutes, 34 seconds and STILL HOW LSD Champion…..SCOTTTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
Benny Newell: I told you. I fucking told you. Diamond isn’t on Stevens’ level, so of course he was going to fucking lose.
Joe Hoffman: You were, indeed, right, Benny. But Diamond showed a tremendous amount of fight and heart here tonight, just like he does every time he steps into this ring. Anyway, folks, do not go anywhere - we have to take a commercial break, but our next match? The in ring return of Rhys Townsend. We’ll be right back!