Post by Jman2k3 on Jun 15, 2018 5:44:56 GMT
Benny Newell: DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK!
Joe Hoffman: …and welcome back to Mayhem as Benny is still caught up on the big win by Dick Fury that started off the show…
Benny Newell: What? It’s catchy… Yes? No?
Joe Hoffman: and completely ignored the comments of our two competitors in the upcoming LSD title match.
Benny Newell: What? The man who shat on The BA and the man who will be the new model for www.gayvisors.com? I thought those two fags were gonna start fucking on the floor backstage. DICK! DICK! DICK!
Joe Hoffman: …right. Sure LGBT will be contacting us tonight. Anyhow, Diamond gets his second chance at taking the LSD title back from Scott Stevens after Stevens took the title from him on August 23rd. Diamond’s first taste of gold in HOW and he looks focused on regaining it.
Benny Newell: He’s focused on trying to jump on anyone’s teet who will carry him out of the HOW gutter he still lives in. The Best Alliance… Keller…. Shit he’d probably even join a Bobbinette Carey stable if she was back in HOW.
Joe Hoffman: Well no one can debate that Diamond has showed great improvement over the course of 2013. Yes, he may not be at David Black’s level yet… but he has shown that he can be more than just half of some mid-level tag team.
Benny Newell: Whatever… the point is I’m pissed at Stevens for turning down the opportunity of a lifetime… and even I think that he is going to splatter Diamond across this arena tonight.
A loud camera flash goes off and the arena goes blinding bright white and fades to dark as Justin Timberlake's “Sexyback” starts to play. Chris Diamond emerges from behind on top of the stage by the ramp.
Bryan McVay: The following match is a falls count anywhere match and is for the HOW LSD Championship! Now making his way to the ring from Pure, Michigan and weighing in 232 pounds… CHRIS DIAMOND!!!!
Diamond points to some random hot bitch just as "come here girl" is said in the song and she starts to grind on Diamond. He takes off his vest and hands it to her and heads down to the ring.
Benny Newell: I think I banged that chick in the bar bathroom last night…
Joe Hoffman: Stop it Benny.
Benny Newell: I did! We did a line of coke off the back of the toilet and then fucked in the stall like…
Joe Hoffman: SO Diamond is in the ring and…
Benny Newell: Fine you fucking stiff.
The lights in the arena go pitch black, as red lasers and spotlights light up the area. The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen, "Nothing survives my sting!" The crowd starts booing, as an electric guitar wails throughout the PA system and the words of Dave Mustaine's voice echoes throughout the arena,
"As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting. I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything. Then I, treat you like a dog, as I shoot my venom in. You pretend you didn't know, that I am The Scorpion, whoa!"
Bryan McVay: And his opponent from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 256 pounds… he is the HOW LSD Champion…. SCOTT STEVENS!!!!
The jeering intensifies as the instrumental after the chorus hits the speakers, drawing out the reigning High Octane Wrestling LSD champion. Walking down the aisle, he talks trash the entire way while raising a fist at a few of the more vocal bashers. As he finally gets to the ring, he climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stares down at the crowd, an icy glare and the throat slash gesture his…
Benny Newell: Chairshot by Diamond!
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffman: Stevens turns his back to Diamond and pays for it.
Stevens collapses off the second turnbuckle as Diamond cracks the chair again off the back of Stevens… and does it again before Stevens is able to roll out of the ring to some temporary safety, clutching onto the LSD title.
Joe Hoffman: Fast start by Diamond who is not wasting a moment taking it to Stevens.
Benny Newell: A sneak attack though? Maybe he has a chance after all…
Diamond tosses the chair outta the ring and chases Stevens who is on one knee. He goes to grab Stevens but the LSD champion swings his belt at Diamond head who ducks the fifteen pound belt and boots Stevens in the gut and nails a DDT on the outside. Diamond quick jumps onto the barricade and drops an elbow on Stevens as he goes for the cover which Lette slides in to count.
One…..
Two…….
Joe Hoffman: Stevens easily powers out as he tries to shake the early onslaught from Diamond.
Diamond again goes to pulls Stevens up but catches a hard right as he reaches into the crowd and grabs a…
Benny Newell: A Mike’s Hard Pink Lemonade?!
Stevens pauses and goes to take a drink from the bottle… but Diamond kicks Stevens in the gut, causing him to spit the “alcohol” out. Diamond grabs the bottle and smashes it over the head of the LSD champion busting him open.
Benny Newell: That bitch was gonna drink that shit? Hahaha!
Joe Hoffman: Well it cost him as now Stevens is busted open early here and Diamond regains control of the match. Stevens staggers back up to his feet as Diamond charges at Stevens for a spear… but Stevens sidesteps him and throws Diamond over the guard rail and into the front row of the crowd. Stevens goes under the ring and pulls himself a table and a steel bucket out as he wipes the blood away from his eyes and starts to set it up.
Benny Newell: Look, the crowd is throwing Diamond back over the guardrail! Haha.
Diamond get greeted by a knee into the gut and slams Diamond’s head off the announce table that ejects a shot of Benny’s Jack into the front row.
Benny Newell: Cunt!
Joe Hoffman: Stevens starting to now take control as he has that table now fully in play.
Stevens throws Diamond in the guardrail and curbstomps him a few times before he picks the steel bucket up and sets it on the announce table. He pulls out a cloth bag and empties it contents of thumbtacks out onto the table.
Joe Hoffman: Thumbtacks on a table?
Benny Newell: Yes! You ever work in a office? Or bang a chick or two in one?
Diamond pulls himself up on the guardrail as Stevens goes to kick him again but Diamond grabs his leg… but Stevens connects with a enzuguri to the back of Diamond head. He then goes back to the steel bucket as he isn’t done with his master piece as he takes lighter fluid out of the bucket and starts dousing the table.
Benny Newell: Here we go! This is a bit of redemption for trying to drink a Mike’s Hard.
Joe Hoffman: It’s gonna get hot here real quick if Stevens lights that table as he is unloading that bottle on the table.
Benny Newell: Looks like me when I…
Joe Hoffman: No!
Benny Newell: What? I was gonna say barbecue! I like the grill hot you sick fuck.
Diamond finds a burst of energy and this time succeeds with his spear attempt as he tackles Stevens down to the ground and starts hammering away at Stevens wound, trying to open it up even wider to add to the crimson mask that the LSD champion is wearing. Diamond pulls Stevens up but the LSD champ knees Diamond in the gut and nails a nails a spine buster!
Benny Newell: Double S Spinebuster!
Joe Hoffman: Diamond held on! DDT too!
Both men are laid out for a moment as Benny Newell stands up and looks in the steel bucket and smiles as he pulls out a lighter.
Joe Hoffman: No Benny!
Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up! I wanna see a fucker burn!
The two men start to stagger as Benny fumbles with the Zippo lighter with the Texan flag on it. He gets it to light as Stevens and Diamond start trading punches. Benny tosses the lighter onto the table and it bursts into flames as he Diamond kicks Stevens in the gut and throws Stevens up onto the apron of the ring. Diamond climbs up to and nails Stevens with a couple more punches as he has the LSD champion reeling.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens may eat it into his own table!
Benny Newell: As long as someone does!
Diamond nails Stevens again… and again as Stevens is teetering on the edge as he reaches out for Diamond…
Benny Newell: Arachnid-Plex!
Joe Hoffman: Diamond blocks it!
Benny Newell: Fucker!
Joe Hoffman: Dropkick!
Benny Newell: Stevens dodges it!
Diamond gets up off the apron and catches a right from Stevens as he grabs Diamond and launches him off the apron with a belly to belly suplex.
Joe Hoffman: Oh God!
Benny Newell: Burn Diamond!
A poof a smoke erupts as the flames go out as you can hear screams… whether they are from fans or Diamond is unsure as Stevens hops off the apron and dives into the smoke for the cover as Nigel Letter starts waving his arms around so he can try and see.
Joe Hoffman: Is Stevens covering him?
Benny Newell: Maybe if there is anything left of Diamond.
One…..
Two……………….
Three…………………..
Benny Newell: That’s three!
Joe Hoffman: It’s a kickout by Diamond! Lette calls two and three quarters!
Stevens can’t believe it as he kicks the charred remains of the table and grabs Diamond by the arm and pulls him back up to his feet as he goes to irish whip him into the steel steps but somehow Diamond who is blackened with soot and has a back full of tacks reverses Stevens into the steel steps. He reaches out to the crowd who hands Diamond a Rockstar Energy Drink which he cracks open and takes a drink before smashing the can over Stevens head. He kicks him in the gut and…
Joe Hoffman: Diamond Stunner!
Benny Newell: How the fuck?!
Stevens is laid out as Diamond goes for the cover but collaspes just short of Stevens as Diamond has to use all his energy to crawl a foot to Stevens and drape his arm over him.
One………………
Two…………………………..
Three………………………………………………..
Benny Newell: Diamond!!!??!!
Joe Hoffman: Stevens got the shoulder….
Benny Newell: Up?
Joe Hoffman: Yes!
Benny Newell: Fucking eh!
Diamond just lays there…. Spent as Stevens rolls away and shakes his head and just smiles he pulls himself up on the ring apron and goes under the ring and pulls himself out a…
Benny Newell: Hockey stick?
Stevens shrugs as stalks Diamond for a moment until he starts to somehow stir… somehow manages to pull himself up to his feet. Stevens just smiles as he takes the hockey stick and slashes Diamond right across the knee, dropping him to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
Joe Hoffman: Ooooooh…. I think that might be five minutes for slashing and a game misconduct!
Benny Newell: I thought that is what hockey was all about… or am I not getting the right message from Slap Shot?
Stevens discards the stick and drops to the ground as he takes Diamond’s head and slams it down into some of the remaining tacks… rubbing it in as Diamond yells out until Stevens lets go. We can then see the tacks sticking out of Diamond forehead and face… blood running down from them.
Joe Hoffman: Diamond has taken a LOT of punishment tonight… and he has not given up. I can not say enough about this man’s determination to win the…
Benny Newell: Hold those words Joe… this shit is over now.
Stevens gets up and grabs Diamond’s legs as he goes for his signature sharpshooter.
Joe Hoffman: Arachnophobia! It’s locked in on Diamond.
Diamond yells out in pain again as Stevens wrenches the hold into his challenger who yells out as Lette asks him if he wants to give up.
Benny Newell: Don’t be an idiot Diamond… tap!
Chris Diamond: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Diamond not giving in…. but he also has nowhere to go.
Stevens wrenches back even more, twisting Diamond back and legs in an unhealthy way as Diamond yells out again, the blood dripping off his face as he claws at the mat outside the ring as Lette once again asks if Diamond wants to give up.
Chris Diamond: N………
Diamond’s body goes limp as Lette raises Diamond arm once….
Joe Hoffman: That’s one….
Lette goes to raise the arm again… but Stevens shakes his head as he releases the hold and starts to pull the dead weight that is Diamond body up off the ground.
Joe Hoffman: He had him beat! Why didn’t Stevens just leave the hold locked in?
Benny Newell: Because no one wants to win via a pass out… Stevens wants to pin his ass.
Stevens gets Diamond back up to his feet and lets go as Diamond’s body starts to collapse but Stevens grabs his head and nails the diamond cutter on the mat outside the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Toxic Sting! Is that enough?
Benny Newell: Enough? Diamond may be fucking dead! Of course it is enough.
One…………
Two…………………………….
Three………………………………………..
Joe Hoffman: Shoulder up…..
Benny Newell: Too late!
Joe Hoffman: It is!
DING DING DING
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match in 15:43 and STILL The HOW LSD Champion…. Scott Stevens!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Chris Diamond was so close again… but Stevens was just too much for him. You cannot argue that Chris Diamond has one hell of a heart and he proved that he can hang with some of the best in HOW.
Benny Newell: But he lost… again. That is three straight LSD title match lost to Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: That is true Benny. Stevens has now beaten Diamond three times in his reign… and the LSD Legend Silent Witness. He is quickly putting together one of the most impressive LSD title reigns in HOW history.
Benny Newell: I wouldn’t go that far… but he doing pretty good for himself… despite being a fucking idiot.
Lette hands Stevens the belt and raises his arm as "The Scorpion" by Megadeth plays through the arena.
Joe Hoffman: 80 days and now counting as Stevens will pass Brad Jackson and Scottywood for fourth place on the longest LSD title reign list.
Suddenly Steven’s theme music cuts and someone else’s music hits….
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, DRINK, DRANK, DRUNK….
Joe Hoffman: What is he doing out here now?
Benny Newell: No fucking idea… hasn’t Lee found a way to terminate him as GM yet?
Joe Hoffman: I guess not… plus he is next on the schedule.
Benny Newell: Huh? We have an outline for the show?
Scotty stands on the stage… hockey stick in one hand and a mic in the other as he gives Stevens the cliché gold clap for his victory.
Scottywood: This is what one does when they want to show sarcastic support for one’s victory… right? Cause I’m not gonna come out here and lie to you… say I’m glad you won. Nah. I could have really cared less who won this match…
Joe Hoffman: Is that supposed to be a surprise.
Scottywood: Because I was… Hey, we never did any signs tonight. I mean these fucking back ass shit fucekrs put some hard work putting their signs together and we never even gave them a chance to show them out.
There is a half cheer from the crowd as Scotty smirks and shakes his head.
Scottywood: So let’s do a little 360… give these fans their moment that will be relived in their DVR for years.
The camera crew obliges and starts to pan around the Chicago crowd for tonight’s signs.
Black Out Black!
#NACHOTIME
The Anti-Christ Speaks… I Change The Channel
John “The ICON” Sektor
Vote Scott Stevens & Pink Lemonade 2013!
Scottywood: Ok… that’s our third Pink Lemonade reference… I think we fill out quota. Hope they paid you well Stevens to drink that…
Scott Stevens: Says a man who thought Lone Star was a real Texan beer! Now what the fuck do you want!
Scottywood: That was some shitty fucking beer… anyhow! I came out here because you were talking about a lack of competition in the LSD division.
Scott Stevens: Well I did just beat Chris…
Scottywood: Ya… you beat Diamond for the third fucking time. Congrats. I fucked him up at March to Glory. Plus you beat up on a shell of a Silent Witness. Who you haven’t beaten for the LSD title though… is the man who is the four time LSD champion… who is The Hardcore Artist… who is the man you let down at War Games…. YOUR fucking Anti-Christ, Scottywood!
Scott Stevens: I remember beating you for the IC…
Scottywood: This isn’t the fucking ICON Title! This is the LSD title! It’s a WHOLE different world, a whole different a game. I might enjoy the prestige of the ICON title… but I hold a fuck ton more respect for the LSD title. So if you think for even a moment that you will get the same Scottywood then you are sad…
Scott Stevens: FINE! You want a piece of me again? A shot at the LSD title? Then you got it. Next week on Mayhem we can…
Scottywood: No…. we’re not doing this on Mayhem. No, I want to do something I haven’t done since 2008 when I faced off against Chris Kostoff in a House of Pain match. I want a shot at the LSD title... a match against you at…. ICONIC!
The crowd roars as Stevens smiles back at Scotty.
Scott Stevens: I know all about your little history lesson… you beat Kostoff in his own match and won the LSD title back. Well sorry to spoil your little plan Scotty… cause that is not gonna happen!
Joe Hoffman: Stevens declines Scotty’s offer!
Benny Newell: Pink Lemonade drinking pussy!
Joe Hoffman: That was four references… too much Benny.
Scott Stevens: Because I am gonna accept your challenge and beat your fucking ass at ICONIC!
The crowd again roars as Scotty is now the one smiling as he nods his head and drops the mic as Stevens raises the LSD title over his head before Scottywood turns away and heads backstage as we cut to commercial.
Joe Hoffman: …and welcome back to Mayhem as Benny is still caught up on the big win by Dick Fury that started off the show…
Benny Newell: What? It’s catchy… Yes? No?
Joe Hoffman: and completely ignored the comments of our two competitors in the upcoming LSD title match.
Benny Newell: What? The man who shat on The BA and the man who will be the new model for www.gayvisors.com? I thought those two fags were gonna start fucking on the floor backstage. DICK! DICK! DICK!
Joe Hoffman: …right. Sure LGBT will be contacting us tonight. Anyhow, Diamond gets his second chance at taking the LSD title back from Scott Stevens after Stevens took the title from him on August 23rd. Diamond’s first taste of gold in HOW and he looks focused on regaining it.
Benny Newell: He’s focused on trying to jump on anyone’s teet who will carry him out of the HOW gutter he still lives in. The Best Alliance… Keller…. Shit he’d probably even join a Bobbinette Carey stable if she was back in HOW.
Joe Hoffman: Well no one can debate that Diamond has showed great improvement over the course of 2013. Yes, he may not be at David Black’s level yet… but he has shown that he can be more than just half of some mid-level tag team.
Benny Newell: Whatever… the point is I’m pissed at Stevens for turning down the opportunity of a lifetime… and even I think that he is going to splatter Diamond across this arena tonight.
A loud camera flash goes off and the arena goes blinding bright white and fades to dark as Justin Timberlake's “Sexyback” starts to play. Chris Diamond emerges from behind on top of the stage by the ramp.
Bryan McVay: The following match is a falls count anywhere match and is for the HOW LSD Championship! Now making his way to the ring from Pure, Michigan and weighing in 232 pounds… CHRIS DIAMOND!!!!
Diamond points to some random hot bitch just as "come here girl" is said in the song and she starts to grind on Diamond. He takes off his vest and hands it to her and heads down to the ring.
Benny Newell: I think I banged that chick in the bar bathroom last night…
Joe Hoffman: Stop it Benny.
Benny Newell: I did! We did a line of coke off the back of the toilet and then fucked in the stall like…
Joe Hoffman: SO Diamond is in the ring and…
Benny Newell: Fine you fucking stiff.
The lights in the arena go pitch black, as red lasers and spotlights light up the area. The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen, "Nothing survives my sting!" The crowd starts booing, as an electric guitar wails throughout the PA system and the words of Dave Mustaine's voice echoes throughout the arena,
"As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting. I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything. Then I, treat you like a dog, as I shoot my venom in. You pretend you didn't know, that I am The Scorpion, whoa!"
Bryan McVay: And his opponent from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 256 pounds… he is the HOW LSD Champion…. SCOTT STEVENS!!!!
The jeering intensifies as the instrumental after the chorus hits the speakers, drawing out the reigning High Octane Wrestling LSD champion. Walking down the aisle, he talks trash the entire way while raising a fist at a few of the more vocal bashers. As he finally gets to the ring, he climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stares down at the crowd, an icy glare and the throat slash gesture his…
Benny Newell: Chairshot by Diamond!
DING DING DING
Joe Hoffman: Stevens turns his back to Diamond and pays for it.
Stevens collapses off the second turnbuckle as Diamond cracks the chair again off the back of Stevens… and does it again before Stevens is able to roll out of the ring to some temporary safety, clutching onto the LSD title.
Joe Hoffman: Fast start by Diamond who is not wasting a moment taking it to Stevens.
Benny Newell: A sneak attack though? Maybe he has a chance after all…
Diamond tosses the chair outta the ring and chases Stevens who is on one knee. He goes to grab Stevens but the LSD champion swings his belt at Diamond head who ducks the fifteen pound belt and boots Stevens in the gut and nails a DDT on the outside. Diamond quick jumps onto the barricade and drops an elbow on Stevens as he goes for the cover which Lette slides in to count.
One…..
Two…….
Joe Hoffman: Stevens easily powers out as he tries to shake the early onslaught from Diamond.
Diamond again goes to pulls Stevens up but catches a hard right as he reaches into the crowd and grabs a…
Benny Newell: A Mike’s Hard Pink Lemonade?!
Stevens pauses and goes to take a drink from the bottle… but Diamond kicks Stevens in the gut, causing him to spit the “alcohol” out. Diamond grabs the bottle and smashes it over the head of the LSD champion busting him open.
Benny Newell: That bitch was gonna drink that shit? Hahaha!
Joe Hoffman: Well it cost him as now Stevens is busted open early here and Diamond regains control of the match. Stevens staggers back up to his feet as Diamond charges at Stevens for a spear… but Stevens sidesteps him and throws Diamond over the guard rail and into the front row of the crowd. Stevens goes under the ring and pulls himself a table and a steel bucket out as he wipes the blood away from his eyes and starts to set it up.
Benny Newell: Look, the crowd is throwing Diamond back over the guardrail! Haha.
Diamond get greeted by a knee into the gut and slams Diamond’s head off the announce table that ejects a shot of Benny’s Jack into the front row.
Benny Newell: Cunt!
Joe Hoffman: Stevens starting to now take control as he has that table now fully in play.
Stevens throws Diamond in the guardrail and curbstomps him a few times before he picks the steel bucket up and sets it on the announce table. He pulls out a cloth bag and empties it contents of thumbtacks out onto the table.
Joe Hoffman: Thumbtacks on a table?
Benny Newell: Yes! You ever work in a office? Or bang a chick or two in one?
Diamond pulls himself up on the guardrail as Stevens goes to kick him again but Diamond grabs his leg… but Stevens connects with a enzuguri to the back of Diamond head. He then goes back to the steel bucket as he isn’t done with his master piece as he takes lighter fluid out of the bucket and starts dousing the table.
Benny Newell: Here we go! This is a bit of redemption for trying to drink a Mike’s Hard.
Joe Hoffman: It’s gonna get hot here real quick if Stevens lights that table as he is unloading that bottle on the table.
Benny Newell: Looks like me when I…
Joe Hoffman: No!
Benny Newell: What? I was gonna say barbecue! I like the grill hot you sick fuck.
Diamond finds a burst of energy and this time succeeds with his spear attempt as he tackles Stevens down to the ground and starts hammering away at Stevens wound, trying to open it up even wider to add to the crimson mask that the LSD champion is wearing. Diamond pulls Stevens up but the LSD champ knees Diamond in the gut and nails a nails a spine buster!
Benny Newell: Double S Spinebuster!
Joe Hoffman: Diamond held on! DDT too!
Both men are laid out for a moment as Benny Newell stands up and looks in the steel bucket and smiles as he pulls out a lighter.
Joe Hoffman: No Benny!
Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up! I wanna see a fucker burn!
The two men start to stagger as Benny fumbles with the Zippo lighter with the Texan flag on it. He gets it to light as Stevens and Diamond start trading punches. Benny tosses the lighter onto the table and it bursts into flames as he Diamond kicks Stevens in the gut and throws Stevens up onto the apron of the ring. Diamond climbs up to and nails Stevens with a couple more punches as he has the LSD champion reeling.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens may eat it into his own table!
Benny Newell: As long as someone does!
Diamond nails Stevens again… and again as Stevens is teetering on the edge as he reaches out for Diamond…
Benny Newell: Arachnid-Plex!
Joe Hoffman: Diamond blocks it!
Benny Newell: Fucker!
Joe Hoffman: Dropkick!
Benny Newell: Stevens dodges it!
Diamond gets up off the apron and catches a right from Stevens as he grabs Diamond and launches him off the apron with a belly to belly suplex.
Joe Hoffman: Oh God!
Benny Newell: Burn Diamond!
A poof a smoke erupts as the flames go out as you can hear screams… whether they are from fans or Diamond is unsure as Stevens hops off the apron and dives into the smoke for the cover as Nigel Letter starts waving his arms around so he can try and see.
Joe Hoffman: Is Stevens covering him?
Benny Newell: Maybe if there is anything left of Diamond.
One…..
Two……………….
Three…………………..
Benny Newell: That’s three!
Joe Hoffman: It’s a kickout by Diamond! Lette calls two and three quarters!
Stevens can’t believe it as he kicks the charred remains of the table and grabs Diamond by the arm and pulls him back up to his feet as he goes to irish whip him into the steel steps but somehow Diamond who is blackened with soot and has a back full of tacks reverses Stevens into the steel steps. He reaches out to the crowd who hands Diamond a Rockstar Energy Drink which he cracks open and takes a drink before smashing the can over Stevens head. He kicks him in the gut and…
Joe Hoffman: Diamond Stunner!
Benny Newell: How the fuck?!
Stevens is laid out as Diamond goes for the cover but collaspes just short of Stevens as Diamond has to use all his energy to crawl a foot to Stevens and drape his arm over him.
One………………
Two…………………………..
Three………………………………………………..
Benny Newell: Diamond!!!??!!
Joe Hoffman: Stevens got the shoulder….
Benny Newell: Up?
Joe Hoffman: Yes!
Benny Newell: Fucking eh!
Diamond just lays there…. Spent as Stevens rolls away and shakes his head and just smiles he pulls himself up on the ring apron and goes under the ring and pulls himself out a…
Benny Newell: Hockey stick?
Stevens shrugs as stalks Diamond for a moment until he starts to somehow stir… somehow manages to pull himself up to his feet. Stevens just smiles as he takes the hockey stick and slashes Diamond right across the knee, dropping him to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
Joe Hoffman: Ooooooh…. I think that might be five minutes for slashing and a game misconduct!
Benny Newell: I thought that is what hockey was all about… or am I not getting the right message from Slap Shot?
Stevens discards the stick and drops to the ground as he takes Diamond’s head and slams it down into some of the remaining tacks… rubbing it in as Diamond yells out until Stevens lets go. We can then see the tacks sticking out of Diamond forehead and face… blood running down from them.
Joe Hoffman: Diamond has taken a LOT of punishment tonight… and he has not given up. I can not say enough about this man’s determination to win the…
Benny Newell: Hold those words Joe… this shit is over now.
Stevens gets up and grabs Diamond’s legs as he goes for his signature sharpshooter.
Joe Hoffman: Arachnophobia! It’s locked in on Diamond.
Diamond yells out in pain again as Stevens wrenches the hold into his challenger who yells out as Lette asks him if he wants to give up.
Benny Newell: Don’t be an idiot Diamond… tap!
Chris Diamond: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Diamond not giving in…. but he also has nowhere to go.
Stevens wrenches back even more, twisting Diamond back and legs in an unhealthy way as Diamond yells out again, the blood dripping off his face as he claws at the mat outside the ring as Lette once again asks if Diamond wants to give up.
Chris Diamond: N………
Diamond’s body goes limp as Lette raises Diamond arm once….
Joe Hoffman: That’s one….
Lette goes to raise the arm again… but Stevens shakes his head as he releases the hold and starts to pull the dead weight that is Diamond body up off the ground.
Joe Hoffman: He had him beat! Why didn’t Stevens just leave the hold locked in?
Benny Newell: Because no one wants to win via a pass out… Stevens wants to pin his ass.
Stevens gets Diamond back up to his feet and lets go as Diamond’s body starts to collapse but Stevens grabs his head and nails the diamond cutter on the mat outside the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Toxic Sting! Is that enough?
Benny Newell: Enough? Diamond may be fucking dead! Of course it is enough.
One…………
Two…………………………….
Three………………………………………..
Joe Hoffman: Shoulder up…..
Benny Newell: Too late!
Joe Hoffman: It is!
DING DING DING
Bryan McVay: The winner of this match in 15:43 and STILL The HOW LSD Champion…. Scott Stevens!!!!
Joe Hoffman: Chris Diamond was so close again… but Stevens was just too much for him. You cannot argue that Chris Diamond has one hell of a heart and he proved that he can hang with some of the best in HOW.
Benny Newell: But he lost… again. That is three straight LSD title match lost to Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: That is true Benny. Stevens has now beaten Diamond three times in his reign… and the LSD Legend Silent Witness. He is quickly putting together one of the most impressive LSD title reigns in HOW history.
Benny Newell: I wouldn’t go that far… but he doing pretty good for himself… despite being a fucking idiot.
Lette hands Stevens the belt and raises his arm as "The Scorpion" by Megadeth plays through the arena.
Joe Hoffman: 80 days and now counting as Stevens will pass Brad Jackson and Scottywood for fourth place on the longest LSD title reign list.
Suddenly Steven’s theme music cuts and someone else’s music hits….
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, DRINK, DRANK, DRUNK….
Joe Hoffman: What is he doing out here now?
Benny Newell: No fucking idea… hasn’t Lee found a way to terminate him as GM yet?
Joe Hoffman: I guess not… plus he is next on the schedule.
Benny Newell: Huh? We have an outline for the show?
Scotty stands on the stage… hockey stick in one hand and a mic in the other as he gives Stevens the cliché gold clap for his victory.
Scottywood: This is what one does when they want to show sarcastic support for one’s victory… right? Cause I’m not gonna come out here and lie to you… say I’m glad you won. Nah. I could have really cared less who won this match…
Joe Hoffman: Is that supposed to be a surprise.
Scottywood: Because I was… Hey, we never did any signs tonight. I mean these fucking back ass shit fucekrs put some hard work putting their signs together and we never even gave them a chance to show them out.
There is a half cheer from the crowd as Scotty smirks and shakes his head.
Scottywood: So let’s do a little 360… give these fans their moment that will be relived in their DVR for years.
The camera crew obliges and starts to pan around the Chicago crowd for tonight’s signs.
Black Out Black!
#NACHOTIME
The Anti-Christ Speaks… I Change The Channel
John “The ICON” Sektor
Vote Scott Stevens & Pink Lemonade 2013!
Scottywood: Ok… that’s our third Pink Lemonade reference… I think we fill out quota. Hope they paid you well Stevens to drink that…
Scott Stevens: Says a man who thought Lone Star was a real Texan beer! Now what the fuck do you want!
Scottywood: That was some shitty fucking beer… anyhow! I came out here because you were talking about a lack of competition in the LSD division.
Scott Stevens: Well I did just beat Chris…
Scottywood: Ya… you beat Diamond for the third fucking time. Congrats. I fucked him up at March to Glory. Plus you beat up on a shell of a Silent Witness. Who you haven’t beaten for the LSD title though… is the man who is the four time LSD champion… who is The Hardcore Artist… who is the man you let down at War Games…. YOUR fucking Anti-Christ, Scottywood!
Scott Stevens: I remember beating you for the IC…
Scottywood: This isn’t the fucking ICON Title! This is the LSD title! It’s a WHOLE different world, a whole different a game. I might enjoy the prestige of the ICON title… but I hold a fuck ton more respect for the LSD title. So if you think for even a moment that you will get the same Scottywood then you are sad…
Scott Stevens: FINE! You want a piece of me again? A shot at the LSD title? Then you got it. Next week on Mayhem we can…
Scottywood: No…. we’re not doing this on Mayhem. No, I want to do something I haven’t done since 2008 when I faced off against Chris Kostoff in a House of Pain match. I want a shot at the LSD title... a match against you at…. ICONIC!
The crowd roars as Stevens smiles back at Scotty.
Scott Stevens: I know all about your little history lesson… you beat Kostoff in his own match and won the LSD title back. Well sorry to spoil your little plan Scotty… cause that is not gonna happen!
Joe Hoffman: Stevens declines Scotty’s offer!
Benny Newell: Pink Lemonade drinking pussy!
Joe Hoffman: That was four references… too much Benny.
Scott Stevens: Because I am gonna accept your challenge and beat your fucking ass at ICONIC!
The crowd again roars as Scotty is now the one smiling as he nods his head and drops the mic as Stevens raises the LSD title over his head before Scottywood turns away and heads backstage as we cut to commercial.