Post by Jman2k3 on Jun 11, 2018 18:19:23 GMT
Joe Hoffman: Folks, still to come tonight, a huge main event between Cool Reality and the Sons of Best.
Benny Newell: Cool Reality may be the single gayest fucking name I have ever heard of. If George Takei and Lance Bass had an orgy and somehow Lance Bass was able to get pregnant, that kid would come out, straddling a rainbow, get wrapped in a pink glitter towel, have a limp wrist, be named Julian, and STILL be less gay than Cool Reality.
Joe Hoffman: Good God, Benny!
Joe sighs and looks disgusted.
Joe Hoffman: Coming up, the current number one contender for Jace Parker Davidson's Television Title, Kirsta Lewis, will take on the man with one of the most lucrative contracts in wrestling today, "The Scorpion" Scott Stevens.
Both wrestlers are currently in the ring.
Benny Newell: Holy shit, Joe!!!
Joe Hoffman: What?!?! What happened?!?!
Benny Newell: I honestly think Kirsta's tits got bigger. God, I bet her areola are huge! And this cool air is making her nips erect! ERECT, JOE! EEEEERECT!
DING DING DING
Matt Boettcher calls for the bell as Stevens and Lewis lock up. Stevens gets the early advantage by shifting to a side headlock and then hitting a hard uppercut. Kirsta reels back and Stevens begins chopping away at Kirsta's chest. He pushes her into the ropes and then whips her to the opposite. On the return back, Stevens grabs her, and his a massive belly to belly slam. After slamming her, Stevens stays mounted on Kirsta and smiles cockily.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Joe Hoffman: An arrogant cover.
Benny Newell: Man, her jugs. Her fucking jugs. Wait a minute. Fucking jugs? Do you think I can do that? Do you think I could fuck her jugs?
Joe Hoffman: Why the---
Benny Newell: No! Hear me out! Do you think I could take my dick and like shove it into like a single tit and then just like grab it and fuck it?
Joe Hoffman: Aaaaaaaand Kirsta is back up.
Kirsta got back up and backed herself towards the turnbuckle leaning in the corner. Stevens goes over and begins hammering away at Kirsta's head. With each punch, Kirsta slumps further and further down to the mat. Boettcher begins moving in and tries to separate them. Stevens ignores Boettcher and continues hammering away. Boettcher finally pulls at Stevens' hand. Kirsta, seeing an opportunity, hits a low blow on Stevens. Boettcher, completely out of view, looks at Stevens as he slumps.
Lewis pulls herself up using the ropes. She goes over to Lewis, holding her jaw. She then proceeds to stomp away at Stevens' head. Stevens tries to cover his head and roll away before ultimately rolling out of the ring. Stevens begins crawling away as Lewis climbs out of the ring, stalking Stevens. The crowd roars as the action is now outside the ring. Lewis grabs Stevens by the head and pulls him up. She goes to punch Stevens in the head but Stevens blocks the punch. Stevens hits Kirsta, but Kirsta quickly grabs at Stevens face with her nails and rakes his eyes.
Kirsta grabbed Stevens and whipped him headfirst into the ring post. Stevens smacks his head, spins and falls down. Boettcher is at 4. Kirsta rolls into the ring. She barks at Boettcher to count faster.
5
Joe Hoffman: Kirsta focusing solely on Stevens' head.
6
Benny Newell: I wish she'd focus on my head. I'm going to fucking burst down here.
7
8
Stevens gets up and dives into the ring.
Kirsta stomps away at Stevens' head again. Kirsta stops momentarily to taunt the crowd. As she goes back to Stevens, Stevens hits Kirsta in the gut. Kirsta goes to pick him up again but the same result occurs. Stevens gets to his feet and follows it up with a knee to the Hellcat's gut. Stevens then hits a toe kick to Kirsta's gut and in a lightning quick move, wraps her head in a face lock and plants her with an impact DDT, almost standing Kirsta on her head.
A small "holy shit" chant breaks out as a replay is shown of Kirsta getting dropped on her head.
Both Kirsta and Stevens are lying motionless in the center of the ring. Boettcher gets to 5 before both get back up to a vertical base. Stevens comes out of the gate and begins pummeling away at Kirsta. Stevens whips Kirsta into the turnbuckle and then charges her. He goes for a splash but Kirsta moves out of the way. Stevens' face hits the ring post and he stumbles around momentarily before falling flat on his back, his head nearest the turnbuckle. Kirsta immediately climbs to the second rope, bounces on it and then comes down hard on Stevens.
Benny Newell: HOLY SHIT! HE'S LOST!
Joe Hoffman: Oh my God! KIRSTA LEWIS HAS JUST SAT ON STEVENS' FACE! Boettcher going for the cover!
Benny Newell: If he doesn't kick out, he's fucked. If he does kick out, it means he don't like pussy!
1
2
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO!
Joe Hoffman: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Benny Newell: Fag. Knew he didn't like pussy.
Boettcher is frantically waiving his arms. Kirsta gets up and begins celebrating the win. But Boettcher is waiving her off, signaling that Stevens got the shoulder up at the last possible second.
Frustrated, Kirsta shoves Boettcher aside and begins sizing up Stevens. She begs him to get up, twitching her leg. After a minute, Stevens finally gets up and staggers forwards. Kirsta charges.
Joe Hoffman: HELL'S BITCH KICK!
NO!
Stevens ducks! Kirsta turns around and……
Joe Hoffman: TOXIC STING FROM SCORPION! TOXIC STING FROM SCORPION!
Benny Newell: What? No "BAH GAWD?" Douchebag.
Both wrestlers are down again but Stevens rolls over and drapes his hand.
Boettcher counts.
1
2
3!!!!!!!
DING DING DING!
Brian McVay: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…… "THE SCORPION" SCOTT STEEEEEVENNNNNNNNNSSSS!!!!
Joe Hoffman: What an amazing matchup! Stevens continues to roll! What a finish! I am literally short of breath!
Benny Newell: I was going to be but Kirsta didn't come over here and help me nut. Now my boner's gone.
Joe Hoffman: Please… just…. just cut away.
Benny Newell: Cool Reality may be the single gayest fucking name I have ever heard of. If George Takei and Lance Bass had an orgy and somehow Lance Bass was able to get pregnant, that kid would come out, straddling a rainbow, get wrapped in a pink glitter towel, have a limp wrist, be named Julian, and STILL be less gay than Cool Reality.
Joe Hoffman: Good God, Benny!
Joe sighs and looks disgusted.
Joe Hoffman: Coming up, the current number one contender for Jace Parker Davidson's Television Title, Kirsta Lewis, will take on the man with one of the most lucrative contracts in wrestling today, "The Scorpion" Scott Stevens.
Both wrestlers are currently in the ring.
Benny Newell: Holy shit, Joe!!!
Joe Hoffman: What?!?! What happened?!?!
Benny Newell: I honestly think Kirsta's tits got bigger. God, I bet her areola are huge! And this cool air is making her nips erect! ERECT, JOE! EEEEERECT!
DING DING DING
Matt Boettcher calls for the bell as Stevens and Lewis lock up. Stevens gets the early advantage by shifting to a side headlock and then hitting a hard uppercut. Kirsta reels back and Stevens begins chopping away at Kirsta's chest. He pushes her into the ropes and then whips her to the opposite. On the return back, Stevens grabs her, and his a massive belly to belly slam. After slamming her, Stevens stays mounted on Kirsta and smiles cockily.
1
2
KICKOUT!
Joe Hoffman: An arrogant cover.
Benny Newell: Man, her jugs. Her fucking jugs. Wait a minute. Fucking jugs? Do you think I can do that? Do you think I could fuck her jugs?
Joe Hoffman: Why the---
Benny Newell: No! Hear me out! Do you think I could take my dick and like shove it into like a single tit and then just like grab it and fuck it?
Joe Hoffman: Aaaaaaaand Kirsta is back up.
Kirsta got back up and backed herself towards the turnbuckle leaning in the corner. Stevens goes over and begins hammering away at Kirsta's head. With each punch, Kirsta slumps further and further down to the mat. Boettcher begins moving in and tries to separate them. Stevens ignores Boettcher and continues hammering away. Boettcher finally pulls at Stevens' hand. Kirsta, seeing an opportunity, hits a low blow on Stevens. Boettcher, completely out of view, looks at Stevens as he slumps.
Lewis pulls herself up using the ropes. She goes over to Lewis, holding her jaw. She then proceeds to stomp away at Stevens' head. Stevens tries to cover his head and roll away before ultimately rolling out of the ring. Stevens begins crawling away as Lewis climbs out of the ring, stalking Stevens. The crowd roars as the action is now outside the ring. Lewis grabs Stevens by the head and pulls him up. She goes to punch Stevens in the head but Stevens blocks the punch. Stevens hits Kirsta, but Kirsta quickly grabs at Stevens face with her nails and rakes his eyes.
Kirsta grabbed Stevens and whipped him headfirst into the ring post. Stevens smacks his head, spins and falls down. Boettcher is at 4. Kirsta rolls into the ring. She barks at Boettcher to count faster.
5
Joe Hoffman: Kirsta focusing solely on Stevens' head.
6
Benny Newell: I wish she'd focus on my head. I'm going to fucking burst down here.
7
8
Stevens gets up and dives into the ring.
Kirsta stomps away at Stevens' head again. Kirsta stops momentarily to taunt the crowd. As she goes back to Stevens, Stevens hits Kirsta in the gut. Kirsta goes to pick him up again but the same result occurs. Stevens gets to his feet and follows it up with a knee to the Hellcat's gut. Stevens then hits a toe kick to Kirsta's gut and in a lightning quick move, wraps her head in a face lock and plants her with an impact DDT, almost standing Kirsta on her head.
A small "holy shit" chant breaks out as a replay is shown of Kirsta getting dropped on her head.
Both Kirsta and Stevens are lying motionless in the center of the ring. Boettcher gets to 5 before both get back up to a vertical base. Stevens comes out of the gate and begins pummeling away at Kirsta. Stevens whips Kirsta into the turnbuckle and then charges her. He goes for a splash but Kirsta moves out of the way. Stevens' face hits the ring post and he stumbles around momentarily before falling flat on his back, his head nearest the turnbuckle. Kirsta immediately climbs to the second rope, bounces on it and then comes down hard on Stevens.
Benny Newell: HOLY SHIT! HE'S LOST!
Joe Hoffman: Oh my God! KIRSTA LEWIS HAS JUST SAT ON STEVENS' FACE! Boettcher going for the cover!
Benny Newell: If he doesn't kick out, he's fucked. If he does kick out, it means he don't like pussy!
1
2
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO!
Joe Hoffman: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Benny Newell: Fag. Knew he didn't like pussy.
Boettcher is frantically waiving his arms. Kirsta gets up and begins celebrating the win. But Boettcher is waiving her off, signaling that Stevens got the shoulder up at the last possible second.
Frustrated, Kirsta shoves Boettcher aside and begins sizing up Stevens. She begs him to get up, twitching her leg. After a minute, Stevens finally gets up and staggers forwards. Kirsta charges.
Joe Hoffman: HELL'S BITCH KICK!
NO!
Stevens ducks! Kirsta turns around and……
Joe Hoffman: TOXIC STING FROM SCORPION! TOXIC STING FROM SCORPION!
Benny Newell: What? No "BAH GAWD?" Douchebag.
Both wrestlers are down again but Stevens rolls over and drapes his hand.
Boettcher counts.
1
2
3!!!!!!!
DING DING DING!
Brian McVay: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…… "THE SCORPION" SCOTT STEEEEEVENNNNNNNNNSSSS!!!!
Joe Hoffman: What an amazing matchup! Stevens continues to roll! What a finish! I am literally short of breath!
Benny Newell: I was going to be but Kirsta didn't come over here and help me nut. Now my boner's gone.
Joe Hoffman: Please… just…. just cut away.