Post by Jman2k3 on Jun 11, 2018 17:51:59 GMT
Joe Hoffman: Well ladies and gentlemen, it’ll be hard to top that incredibly victory by Jace Parker Davidson, who just moments ago retained the LSD Championship against “Perfect” Paul Paras. But this is HOW, damnit, and if anything can outdo an HOW undercard match, it’s an HOW main event! Scott Stevens--
Benny Newell: Booooo.
Joe Hoffman: ...will take on Max Kael in--
Benny Newell: WHOOOOOOOO!
Joe Hoffman: Are you finished?
Benny Newell: …..
Joe Hoffman: HOW ICON Champion Scott Stevens and Max Kael are in singles action tonight, and though the match is non-title the stakes are certainly high. Scott Stevens has secured a singles victory over Rhys Townsend and recently defeated Scottywood for the HOW ICON Championship. A win over Max Kael tonight means a victory over every active member of the Best Alliance... and that certainly sends a message.
Benny Newell: More like a postcard with a giant vagina on it, Joe. A giant. Vagina.
“#1 Crush” by Garbage begins to play over the sound system of the Best Arena, bringing the crowd into an angry fervor as the #1 contender to the HOW World Championship makes his way out from behind the curtain. Max Kael chortles as he crosses his arms on the top of the stage, peering out into the audience, contorting his face and shaking his head a little bit.
Joe Hoffman: Max Kael is the number one contender to the HOW World Championship, taking on Mike Best at ICONIC in what would certainly be understated as a grudge match. After losing to David Black last week on Turmoil, and literally losing an eye at Rumble At The Rock, he’s looking to make a statement here tonight.
Benny Newell: He wanted to get rid of that eye anyway, Joe. Disney certainly isn’t going to sponsor gay eyes. Or Jews. But you know... uh... drink?
Max makes his way down the ramp, adjusting his eyepatch as he climbs the ring steps and ducks into the ring. The crowd continues to shower him in boos as he takes his corner, speaking briefly with Nigel Lette as he awaits the arrival of his opponent.
"I am the Scorpion, whoa!"
The crowd begins to cheer as a mashup of "I Stand Alone" and "Amazing" hits the speakers, drawing Scott Stevens out from the entranceway and onto the stage. The crowd embraces him, given his recent struggles with the Best Alliance, as he raises a pair of middle fingers toward the ring, a bandage on his head and the HOW ICON Championship slung over his shoulder proudly.
Joe Hoffman: There he is... the Scorpion, the HOW ICON Champion. Stevens has certainly had a powerful start here early in his HOW career. Even you can’t deny that, Benny.
Benny Newell: If I can deny the Holocaust, I can deny anything. Stevens is a bum.
Joe Hoffman: You’re especially anti-semitic tonight, Benny. Something on your mind?
Benny Newell: Eh. Fired my accountant this morning.
Stevens talks some trash as he makes his way down the ramp, before he finally gets to the ring. He climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stares out into the crowd, before making a slashing motion at his throat and dropping down to the mat, taking his corner.
Nigel Lette makes it a point to check over Stevens for illegal objects, seemingly ignoring Max. He takes the ICON Championship, handing it off to Bryan McVay before signalling to the timekeeper and ringing the bell.
DING DING DING
Stevens pats the bandage on his forehead into place, making sure it isn’t hanging loose as he makes his way toward the middle of the ring. Max follows suit, mockingly adjusting his eyepatch and meeting Stevens in the center. Scott shoots in for an elbow collar tie-up, but Max blatantly drops to his knees and lays into his opponent with a vicious low blow, sending the crowd into a fit as Stevens drops to the mat, clutching his testicles.
Nigel Lette reproaches Max for his misconduct, but doesn’t seem interested in a disqualification as Max stands from his knees, cackling as he goes to work with hard boots to the ribs of Scott Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: Oh come on! That’s a blatant disqualification! Do your job you... you...
Benny Newell: SAY IT! DON’T EVEN END IT IN AN ‘A’! SAY ITTTTT!
Joe Hoffman: ...I was going to say scoundrel. What are you talking about?
Stevens rolls toward the ropes, looking for something to pull himself up on, but Max grabs the back of his head and forces his neck into the ropes, choking the HOW ICON Champion out on the bottom rope. The crowd is livid, and Nigel Lette starts a slow five count. A very slow five count.
1.......
2.....................
3.................................
4...........................................
4 and ½................................................
The crowd is nearing a riot point as Max finally releases the choke, leaving Stevens to gasp for breath as the air rushes back into his lungs. Max doesn’t give him any time to recover, though, grabbing Stevens by the hair and dragging him back to the ropes, this time bringing a fist down into the back of his head, for a donkey punch...
But Stevens counters! The ICON Champion reaches up and grabs Max with his right hand, pulling him over with a snapmare that sends Max through the middle rope and out onto the apron! The crowd bursts into cheers as Stevens climbs to his feet, as Max gets his bearings on the apron.
Joe Hoffman: What a recovery! The momentum has shifted, folks-- we have ourselves a match!
Benny Newell: Oh yeah, Joe. That snapmare is a fucking game changer. Maybe an Irish whip will CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD!
Stevens clutches him in a belly-to-belly, before pulling him back over the ropes and suplexing him near the middle of the ring! The reigning ICON Champion drops for a quick, potentially foolhardy pin attempt.
ONE!
KICKOUT!
Max easily powers out, but Stevens seems unconcerned as he climbs back to his feet, taking a few steps back and waiting as Max does the same. The ICON Champion charges forward with a forearm, crashing into Max and knocking him sideways into the turnbuckle, where the duo erupt into a vicious brawling exchange, a flurry of blows inciting the crowd and turning the place into a powder keg with each mounting blow. Stevens hits a boot to the gut, ending the back and forth before throwing a quick knee to Max’s face, clocking his head backward into the turnbuckle pad.
Stevens steps back and throws a fast dropkick, but Max ducks and gives Scott nothing but turnbuckle as he falls to the mat. Quickly picking himself back up, the ICON Champion walks right into a European uppercut from Max Kael, who sneers as his opponent is staggered backward.
Max charges out of the corner with a knee trembler, catching the side of Stevens’ skull and bringing him down to the canvas, where he follows up by dropping a big elbow to the back of Stevens’ head.
Joe Hoffman: What a combo! A big Arkham Elbow from Max Kael may have again turned the tides of this match.
Benny Newell: See, now THAT is a momentum shift. DRINK FOR THE SON OF GOD!
Stevens clutches his head, rolling to his side. Max reaches down and grabs hold of the bandage on Scott’s forehead, ripping it off unceremoniously and staring down at the bruised puncture wound where Townsend’s needle was injected into him at the end of last week’s show. Max cackles, reaching into his trunks and producing the brass knuckles he keeps just for these occasions.
Max rears back and punches downward, striking Scott Stevens in the center of the forehead and busting him wide open, bringing down a showering of boos from the Chicago crowd. The booing intensifies as Nigel Lette turns around casually, pretending he isn’t seeing any of this go down.
Joe Hoffman: I can’t believe this... Nigel Lette is in the pocket of Lee Best. This is disgusting! Someone get Scott Stevens some help!
Benny Newell: He’s the Best Alliance referee. You didn’t see this coming? It’s STRATEGY!
Max strikes again, this time hitting Stevens in the side of the head as he turns defensively. He covers up, and Max drops down to make the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THR-- KICKOUT!
Nigel Lette makes a fast count, but Stevens just barely gets a shoulder up, still writhing in pain. Max’s cackling turns to a savage scowl, as he climbs back to his feet and re-adjusts the brass knuckles, grabbing Stevens by the hair and pulling him up to his knees. He stands behind the ICON Champion, pulling back for a donkey punch, but Stevens counters! He rushes toward his feet, springing up and catching Max with a stunner out of nowhere!
Joe Hoffman: THE TOXIC STING! THE TOXIC STING!
Benny Newell: WHAT?! BALLS!
Max hits the canvas, taken off his feet as Stevens scrambles for a cover, his head now hemorrhaging from the wound Max inflicted.
ONE!
…........
TWO!
….....................
[THIS BIG SPACE IS IN REAL TIME CAUSE NIGEL LETTE IS COUNTING FUCKING SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW]
THREE!
DING DING DING
Max holds his jaw, writhing on the mat as he begins to recover from the sudden system shock. Stevens crawls back up to his feet, staring at Nigel Lette, whose eyes grow wide as Stevens scowls at him, looking like things might turn violent.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner, in 11:37.... The Scorpion.... SCOTT.... STEEEEEEVENS!
The ICON Champion stalks toward Nigel Lette, who begs him not to hurt him. Stevens shakes his head, his mouth curling into an evil grin as the crowd begins to buzz. Suddenly, the cheers turn to boos.
*CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK*
Stevens hits the canvas face down, as a hockey stick collides with the back of his head. Scottywood stands over him with Rhys Townsend close behind, having jumped the barricade and hopped into the ring. Garbage begins to litter the ring as Scotty pulls back the stick, hitting Stevens with a hard slapshot in the face. Townsend grabs Stevens up off the mat, lifting him into the air and hitting the Musclebuster in the middle of the ring, further laying out his ICONIC opponent.
Joe Hoffman: Someone get him some help! This isn’t right!
Benny Newell: Shut up. You whine a lot. This is the best part of the show so far!
Stevens lies motionless in the ring, as Townsend and Scottywood laugh it up. Townsend gets down and pretends to administer CPR to Scott Stevens, giving him chest compressions and feigning concern after his back and forth with Stevens on Twitter this week. He and Scotty continue to fuck around as Chaos comes to an--
Joe Hoffman: Mike Best! Mike Best is on the way!
Benny Newell: Oh Jesus, here comes the fun police...
Mike sprints down to the ring in a t-shirt and jogging pants, with a steel chair in his arms! He slides into the ring, the crowd exploding into cheers as Scotty and Townsend both retreat to the other side of the ring, not wanting to be in the warpath.
Townsend and Scotty look at each other, each nodding to three, and then both men charge, knowing Mike can’t hit them both. The World Champion nails Scottywood with the chair, knocking him to the canvas, where he rolls out of the ring. Mike ducks a clothesline from Townsend, hitting him in the gut with the chair and grabbing him by the head, throwing Rhys over the ropes and out to meet Scottywood!
The arena is in a rush as Mike helps Scott Stevens to his feet, both men taunting their Best Alliance rivals as Max, Scotty, and Townsend regroup outside, about to make their way up the ramp. Mike raises Scott Stevens’ arm in the air, and the last thing we see is...
Joe Hoffman: Wait, WHAT?!
Benny Newell: Is that LEE?! With... hair?
A man slides into the ring from behind Mike and Stevens, his face not showing to the camera.Wearing an expensive #970000 suit and holding a hammer in his hands, the crowd begins to boo as Mike and Stevens slowly turn around...
Stevens is clocked in the head with the hammer, dropping to the canvas as Mike throws a wild punch. His assailant blocks the punch, booting the World Champion in the gut and hitting the...
C-SEKTION!
The crowd is in a near-riot as a returning John Sektor, clad in Lee Best’s signature clothing, stands over Mike Best, his chest heaving as he spits on the champion. Sektor drops, throwing a ridiculously painful looking modified STF on the fallen Mike Best, using a dragon sleeper to wrench the neck-- The Sektor Stretch.
The crowd could not be booing harder, throwing garbage into the ring as Max, Scotty, and Townsend climbs back inside. Scotty and Townsend stomp Stevens, leaving him lying in a heap as they stand proudly over their ICONIC opponent. And Max? Max stands cackling, goading his stepbrother and getting into his face as the camera zooms in for a close up. Mike Best is howling in pain, fading by the moment as John Sektor clamps down on the hold, as Chaos comes to an end.
Benny Newell: Booooo.
Joe Hoffman: ...will take on Max Kael in--
Benny Newell: WHOOOOOOOO!
Joe Hoffman: Are you finished?
Benny Newell: …..
Joe Hoffman: HOW ICON Champion Scott Stevens and Max Kael are in singles action tonight, and though the match is non-title the stakes are certainly high. Scott Stevens has secured a singles victory over Rhys Townsend and recently defeated Scottywood for the HOW ICON Championship. A win over Max Kael tonight means a victory over every active member of the Best Alliance... and that certainly sends a message.
Benny Newell: More like a postcard with a giant vagina on it, Joe. A giant. Vagina.
“#1 Crush” by Garbage begins to play over the sound system of the Best Arena, bringing the crowd into an angry fervor as the #1 contender to the HOW World Championship makes his way out from behind the curtain. Max Kael chortles as he crosses his arms on the top of the stage, peering out into the audience, contorting his face and shaking his head a little bit.
Joe Hoffman: Max Kael is the number one contender to the HOW World Championship, taking on Mike Best at ICONIC in what would certainly be understated as a grudge match. After losing to David Black last week on Turmoil, and literally losing an eye at Rumble At The Rock, he’s looking to make a statement here tonight.
Benny Newell: He wanted to get rid of that eye anyway, Joe. Disney certainly isn’t going to sponsor gay eyes. Or Jews. But you know... uh... drink?
Max makes his way down the ramp, adjusting his eyepatch as he climbs the ring steps and ducks into the ring. The crowd continues to shower him in boos as he takes his corner, speaking briefly with Nigel Lette as he awaits the arrival of his opponent.
"I am the Scorpion, whoa!"
The crowd begins to cheer as a mashup of "I Stand Alone" and "Amazing" hits the speakers, drawing Scott Stevens out from the entranceway and onto the stage. The crowd embraces him, given his recent struggles with the Best Alliance, as he raises a pair of middle fingers toward the ring, a bandage on his head and the HOW ICON Championship slung over his shoulder proudly.
Joe Hoffman: There he is... the Scorpion, the HOW ICON Champion. Stevens has certainly had a powerful start here early in his HOW career. Even you can’t deny that, Benny.
Benny Newell: If I can deny the Holocaust, I can deny anything. Stevens is a bum.
Joe Hoffman: You’re especially anti-semitic tonight, Benny. Something on your mind?
Benny Newell: Eh. Fired my accountant this morning.
Stevens talks some trash as he makes his way down the ramp, before he finally gets to the ring. He climbs the nearest turnbuckle and stares out into the crowd, before making a slashing motion at his throat and dropping down to the mat, taking his corner.
Nigel Lette makes it a point to check over Stevens for illegal objects, seemingly ignoring Max. He takes the ICON Championship, handing it off to Bryan McVay before signalling to the timekeeper and ringing the bell.
DING DING DING
Stevens pats the bandage on his forehead into place, making sure it isn’t hanging loose as he makes his way toward the middle of the ring. Max follows suit, mockingly adjusting his eyepatch and meeting Stevens in the center. Scott shoots in for an elbow collar tie-up, but Max blatantly drops to his knees and lays into his opponent with a vicious low blow, sending the crowd into a fit as Stevens drops to the mat, clutching his testicles.
Nigel Lette reproaches Max for his misconduct, but doesn’t seem interested in a disqualification as Max stands from his knees, cackling as he goes to work with hard boots to the ribs of Scott Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: Oh come on! That’s a blatant disqualification! Do your job you... you...
Benny Newell: SAY IT! DON’T EVEN END IT IN AN ‘A’! SAY ITTTTT!
Joe Hoffman: ...I was going to say scoundrel. What are you talking about?
Stevens rolls toward the ropes, looking for something to pull himself up on, but Max grabs the back of his head and forces his neck into the ropes, choking the HOW ICON Champion out on the bottom rope. The crowd is livid, and Nigel Lette starts a slow five count. A very slow five count.
1.......
2.....................
3.................................
4...........................................
4 and ½................................................
The crowd is nearing a riot point as Max finally releases the choke, leaving Stevens to gasp for breath as the air rushes back into his lungs. Max doesn’t give him any time to recover, though, grabbing Stevens by the hair and dragging him back to the ropes, this time bringing a fist down into the back of his head, for a donkey punch...
But Stevens counters! The ICON Champion reaches up and grabs Max with his right hand, pulling him over with a snapmare that sends Max through the middle rope and out onto the apron! The crowd bursts into cheers as Stevens climbs to his feet, as Max gets his bearings on the apron.
Joe Hoffman: What a recovery! The momentum has shifted, folks-- we have ourselves a match!
Benny Newell: Oh yeah, Joe. That snapmare is a fucking game changer. Maybe an Irish whip will CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD!
Stevens clutches him in a belly-to-belly, before pulling him back over the ropes and suplexing him near the middle of the ring! The reigning ICON Champion drops for a quick, potentially foolhardy pin attempt.
ONE!
KICKOUT!
Max easily powers out, but Stevens seems unconcerned as he climbs back to his feet, taking a few steps back and waiting as Max does the same. The ICON Champion charges forward with a forearm, crashing into Max and knocking him sideways into the turnbuckle, where the duo erupt into a vicious brawling exchange, a flurry of blows inciting the crowd and turning the place into a powder keg with each mounting blow. Stevens hits a boot to the gut, ending the back and forth before throwing a quick knee to Max’s face, clocking his head backward into the turnbuckle pad.
Stevens steps back and throws a fast dropkick, but Max ducks and gives Scott nothing but turnbuckle as he falls to the mat. Quickly picking himself back up, the ICON Champion walks right into a European uppercut from Max Kael, who sneers as his opponent is staggered backward.
Max charges out of the corner with a knee trembler, catching the side of Stevens’ skull and bringing him down to the canvas, where he follows up by dropping a big elbow to the back of Stevens’ head.
Joe Hoffman: What a combo! A big Arkham Elbow from Max Kael may have again turned the tides of this match.
Benny Newell: See, now THAT is a momentum shift. DRINK FOR THE SON OF GOD!
Stevens clutches his head, rolling to his side. Max reaches down and grabs hold of the bandage on Scott’s forehead, ripping it off unceremoniously and staring down at the bruised puncture wound where Townsend’s needle was injected into him at the end of last week’s show. Max cackles, reaching into his trunks and producing the brass knuckles he keeps just for these occasions.
Max rears back and punches downward, striking Scott Stevens in the center of the forehead and busting him wide open, bringing down a showering of boos from the Chicago crowd. The booing intensifies as Nigel Lette turns around casually, pretending he isn’t seeing any of this go down.
Joe Hoffman: I can’t believe this... Nigel Lette is in the pocket of Lee Best. This is disgusting! Someone get Scott Stevens some help!
Benny Newell: He’s the Best Alliance referee. You didn’t see this coming? It’s STRATEGY!
Max strikes again, this time hitting Stevens in the side of the head as he turns defensively. He covers up, and Max drops down to make the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THR-- KICKOUT!
Nigel Lette makes a fast count, but Stevens just barely gets a shoulder up, still writhing in pain. Max’s cackling turns to a savage scowl, as he climbs back to his feet and re-adjusts the brass knuckles, grabbing Stevens by the hair and pulling him up to his knees. He stands behind the ICON Champion, pulling back for a donkey punch, but Stevens counters! He rushes toward his feet, springing up and catching Max with a stunner out of nowhere!
Joe Hoffman: THE TOXIC STING! THE TOXIC STING!
Benny Newell: WHAT?! BALLS!
Max hits the canvas, taken off his feet as Stevens scrambles for a cover, his head now hemorrhaging from the wound Max inflicted.
ONE!
…........
TWO!
….....................
[THIS BIG SPACE IS IN REAL TIME CAUSE NIGEL LETTE IS COUNTING FUCKING SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW]
THREE!
DING DING DING
Max holds his jaw, writhing on the mat as he begins to recover from the sudden system shock. Stevens crawls back up to his feet, staring at Nigel Lette, whose eyes grow wide as Stevens scowls at him, looking like things might turn violent.
Bryan McVay: Here is your winner, in 11:37.... The Scorpion.... SCOTT.... STEEEEEEVENS!
The ICON Champion stalks toward Nigel Lette, who begs him not to hurt him. Stevens shakes his head, his mouth curling into an evil grin as the crowd begins to buzz. Suddenly, the cheers turn to boos.
*CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK*
Stevens hits the canvas face down, as a hockey stick collides with the back of his head. Scottywood stands over him with Rhys Townsend close behind, having jumped the barricade and hopped into the ring. Garbage begins to litter the ring as Scotty pulls back the stick, hitting Stevens with a hard slapshot in the face. Townsend grabs Stevens up off the mat, lifting him into the air and hitting the Musclebuster in the middle of the ring, further laying out his ICONIC opponent.
Joe Hoffman: Someone get him some help! This isn’t right!
Benny Newell: Shut up. You whine a lot. This is the best part of the show so far!
Stevens lies motionless in the ring, as Townsend and Scottywood laugh it up. Townsend gets down and pretends to administer CPR to Scott Stevens, giving him chest compressions and feigning concern after his back and forth with Stevens on Twitter this week. He and Scotty continue to fuck around as Chaos comes to an--
Joe Hoffman: Mike Best! Mike Best is on the way!
Benny Newell: Oh Jesus, here comes the fun police...
Mike sprints down to the ring in a t-shirt and jogging pants, with a steel chair in his arms! He slides into the ring, the crowd exploding into cheers as Scotty and Townsend both retreat to the other side of the ring, not wanting to be in the warpath.
Townsend and Scotty look at each other, each nodding to three, and then both men charge, knowing Mike can’t hit them both. The World Champion nails Scottywood with the chair, knocking him to the canvas, where he rolls out of the ring. Mike ducks a clothesline from Townsend, hitting him in the gut with the chair and grabbing him by the head, throwing Rhys over the ropes and out to meet Scottywood!
The arena is in a rush as Mike helps Scott Stevens to his feet, both men taunting their Best Alliance rivals as Max, Scotty, and Townsend regroup outside, about to make their way up the ramp. Mike raises Scott Stevens’ arm in the air, and the last thing we see is...
Joe Hoffman: Wait, WHAT?!
Benny Newell: Is that LEE?! With... hair?
A man slides into the ring from behind Mike and Stevens, his face not showing to the camera.Wearing an expensive #970000 suit and holding a hammer in his hands, the crowd begins to boo as Mike and Stevens slowly turn around...
Stevens is clocked in the head with the hammer, dropping to the canvas as Mike throws a wild punch. His assailant blocks the punch, booting the World Champion in the gut and hitting the...
C-SEKTION!
The crowd is in a near-riot as a returning John Sektor, clad in Lee Best’s signature clothing, stands over Mike Best, his chest heaving as he spits on the champion. Sektor drops, throwing a ridiculously painful looking modified STF on the fallen Mike Best, using a dragon sleeper to wrench the neck-- The Sektor Stretch.
The crowd could not be booing harder, throwing garbage into the ring as Max, Scotty, and Townsend climbs back inside. Scotty and Townsend stomp Stevens, leaving him lying in a heap as they stand proudly over their ICONIC opponent. And Max? Max stands cackling, goading his stepbrother and getting into his face as the camera zooms in for a close up. Mike Best is howling in pain, fading by the moment as John Sektor clamps down on the hold, as Chaos comes to an end.