Post by Jman2k3 on Jun 11, 2018 17:50:13 GMT
Joe Hoffman: With the ICON and World Championship matches already on deck for ICONIC, tonight’s main event honestly couldn’t be much bigger than it already is. After an impressive victory over Max Kael last Friday night, Scott Stevens was brutally attacked by the other members of the Best Alliance. Curiously, World Champion Mike Best made his way down to the ring to make the save.
Benny Newell: You’re gonna end the story there? What about the part where John Sektor slammed his dick down on the table and then fucked Bastard Best’s brains out with it? FAIR AND BALANCED, JOE.
Joe Hoffman: Well I don’t know if I’d put it that way, Benny. But the surprise return of John Sektor did make for an unfortunate end to Mike Best’s effort to even the odds. Tonight, Mike Best and Scott Stevens will make an unlikely team up against the men vying for their titles at ICONIC-- ICON Title match competitors Scottywood and Rhys Townsend, alongside World Title number one contender Max Kael. And frankly, Benny, I know you’ll justify it... but I just don’t understand how this is supposed to be a fair match. Especially with Nigel Lette, the presiding Best Alliance referee, being in charge of the action.
Benny Newell: It’s not, idiot. Lee Best is Judge Dredd around here-- HE IS THE LAW.
Joe Hoffman: And exactly what laws did Mike Best and Scott Stevens break? They’re both injured-- as we saw earlier tonight, Mike Best is in a sling thanks to John Sektor re-tearing his rotator cuff. Scott Stevens is majorly concussed. What merits another handicap match?
Benny Newell: Justice. Douchebaggery is a crime most foul, Hoffhole.
“Undead” by Hollywood Undead begins to play over the Best Arena sound system, heralding the arrival of the Best Alliance team as they appear through the entranceway. Well, at least two of them. Scottywood and Max Kael step through the curtain onto the stage, Max tugging irritatedly at his shock collar while Scottywood aggressively spins his hockey stick in his hand.
Without Lee Best’s presence, the crowd boos their fucking brains out for the Best Alliance team. Scotty smirks, seeming almost to enjoy the reaction, while Max really couldn’t care less either way. Both seem a little concerned at the absence of Townsend, though, and they look around for him-- Max even doubles back to the entranceway and checks behind the curtain.
Joe Hoffman: Well it’s beginning to look like we might have a standard tag match on our hands, Benny. Where in the heck is Rhys Townsend?
Benny Newell: Heck? WELL BY GOLLY, JOE! What are you, a narc? He’s out selling beer and popcorn, Joe. You thought he was gonna stop because of a match?
Begrudgingly, Scottywood and Max make their way down the ramp and climb up into the ring. Scotty leaves his hockey stick on the apron, heading up to one of the turnbuckles and raising a slow arm into the air. Max doesn’t bother pandering, still trying to rip off his shock collar.
As the music fades away, it’s quickly replaced by Nerfherder’s “Don’t Hate Me”, bringing a huge ovation from the Chicago crowd as Michael Best and Scott Stevens make their way out from behind the curtain. Stevens has the hood up on his self-emblazoned Nike hoodie, the HOW ICON Championship over his shoulder. Mike has abandoned his sling for the match, wearing the HOW World Championship around his waist.
Mike snarls, obviously still hurting from last week and the attack by Scottywood earlier tonight. Stevens has focused his gaze into the crowd, searching around for something as they make their way to the ring.
Joe Hoffman: They might not be a likely team, Benny, but the ICON and World Champions will certainly make for a formidable force inside the ring. I can’t say I’m envious of the Best Alliance tonight.
Benny Newell: You know what’s a formidable force? My dick and balls. Thick, like a fuckin’ tuna can.
They make it to the ring steps, Stevens climbing into the ring first and standing guard as Mike tries to duck in with effectively only one shoulder. Taking their corner, Nigel Lette looks around for Townsend one more time before convening with the two Best Alliance members about what should be done. After a brief huddle, they break and Nigel Lette collects the title belts from Best and Stevens.
Nigel rings the bell, and the match is underway with Best and Scottywood as the legal men.
DING DING DING
Off the starting bell, Scottywood immediately turns and picks his hockey stick up off the apron, glancing over at Nigel Lette to see if he’s going to stop him. When he doesn’t, Woodson grins and charges forward with the stick, swinging it wildly at Mike Best!
Mike narrowly ducks out of the way, but Stevens is clipped on the apron, sending him falling to the outside in the opening seconds of the match. He hits the concrete, landing badly on his knee and clutching it in pain. Inside the ring, Mike clocks Scotty in the side of the head with a left hand, favoring his uninjured arm, and then immediately follows it up with an even stiffer forearm. Scotty staggers back into the ropes, but Mike catches him with an arm drag that drops him in the middle of the ring.
Scotty pops immediately back to his feet, but walks into a second arm drag! The crowd is buzzing, but Scottywood stands up from the second one and launches in for an elbow collar tie-up, weaseling out of a hammerlock and throwing Mike to the ropes with a quick Irish whip.
Joe Hoffman: Mike Best doing his best to control the early match, but it doesn’t look like he’ll be getting any help from the officials in this one.
Benny Newell: Help? From the officials? Wouldn’t that be... cheating?
Mike Best flies back off the ropes, but Scottywood has retrieved his hockey stick. He cross checks Mike in the face, knocking him to the canvas and making a quick cover. Nigel Lette makes it even quicker.
ONE!
TWO!
TH-- KICKOUT!
Even with the fast count, it’s not enough to keep the World Champion down for three. Scottywood snarls, climbing back to his feet and throwing the hockey stick aside. He jams a boot into the shoulder of his opponent, and the crowd winces as Mike screams out, clutching his torn rotator cuff.
Scott Stevens climbs to his feet outside the ring, grabbing the guardrail for support. The crowd begins to boo, and as he looks up, the ICON Champion is nailed in the side of the head with a hard metal pan! Stevens is staggered sideways as Rhys “Concession Salesman” Townsend hops the guardrail, still wearing a vest of beer and nachos. Hot, liquid nacho cheese burns the skin of Scott Stevens as Townsend towers over him, kicking the ICON Champion in the head as he makes his way over to his appropriate corner.
Joe Hoffman: Oh come on! Where’s the disqualification?! With Townsend back in this match, it’s practically a four-on-one out there!
Benny Newell: Hey Joe? JOE?! You know why you shouldn’t eat Townsend’s concession stand cheese?
Joe Hoffman: …..
Benny Newell: Cause it’s NOT-CHO CHEESE!
Back in the ring, Scottywood continues his barrage of stomps, punishing the chest and shoulder of Mike Best before making his way to the corner. He tags in Rhys Townsend, who offers him a beer off the back of his concession vest. Scotty pops the top, taking a long swig, but then immediately spitting it out as he looks down at the bottle...
Bud Light.
Scotty grimaces, shaking his head before turning back to Mike Best, who is clearly looking for a tag. Scott Stevens heads for the apron, trying to wipe himself clean of the molten hot nacho cheese as he climbs back into the corner. The crowd begins clamoring for the tag, buzzing like crazy, but Scottywood grabs him by the leg and pulls the World Champion back to the center, drawing a huge boo from the fans.
Rhys Townsend removes his concession vest, leaving it ringside before sliding back into the ring as a legal man. He bends down and lifts Mike up off the mat, with Scottywood kicking him in the ribs one last time for good measure before he ducks out of the ring and takes his corner. Mike is already worse for the wear, but Townsend clutches him from behind and hurls his rival backward with a German suplex, practically knocking him out cold.
Joe Hoffman: This... this is barely a match. Someone stop this. Both those men are injured!
Benny Newell: And whose fault is that? Huh?
Joe Hoffman: The Best Alliance’s! They’ve been savaging Mike Best and Scott Stevens for weeks!
Benny Newell: That’s a vicious rumor, and I won’t be a part of your gossip, Joe. Grow up.
Townsend towers over Mike Best, picking him up by the hair, clearly not ready to put an end to this just yet. He throws Mike to the ropes, but the World Champion grabs on tight, stopping himself from running back toward his opponent! Townsend growls, charging forward, but Mike pulls down the ropes and sends Townsend over top, headed toward the concrete below! The crowd goes wild!
Mike quickly makes the tag to Scott Stevens, and the building practically explodes!
Stevens gets a running start off the apron, jumping into the air and colliding into Townsend with a flying dropkick! His bitter nemesis rolls sideways with the blow, and both men lie on the concrete trying to get their bearings as Nigel Lette begins the slowest count out in the history of counting and outs.
1.............................................................
Mike Best charges forward as Max Kael and Scottywood both climb into the ring, bringing both BA members to the canvas with a double clothesline! The crowd is loving it, but Mike drops to the mat clutching his shoulder, obviously aggravating it when he through the right side blow. He rolls out of the ring and tries to recover at ringside, practically screaming out in pain.
2.....................................................................................
Stevens gets back up to his feet, dragging Townsend up with him as he rolls his ICONIC challenger into the ring, under the ropes. Stevens climbs in second, stomping on his opponent and holding the ropes for leverage as he brings down the blows.
Joe Hoffman: Well the countout went to two.... hundred. But it looks like Scott Stevens may be turning this match around!
Benny Newell: You’re a glass half full kinda guy, huh? I bet it’s half full of fucking jizz.
Scottywood and Max get back to their feet, charging after Stevens, but The Scorpion sidesteps Woodson, throwing him over the ropes and to the outside. Max catches him with a forearm, and the duo begin to brawl in the middle of the ring! Stevens gets the upper hand, knocking Max to the mat with a stiff haymaker! Max rolls out of the ring, to get away from the onslaught.
Stevens spins around, as Townsend has gotten to his feet. The mighty Rhys throws a boot to the gut, but Stevens grabs it and spins him around, giving him a boot of his own and hitting a stunner in the middle of the ring!!!
Joe Hoffman: TOXIC STING! THIS IS IT!
Benny Newell: BULLSHIT! FUCK NO! COUNT SLOOOOOW!
Stevens drops for the cover, making the pin.
….........
…....................
…..............................
Stevens looks up in confusion, easily surpassing a three count. But Nigel Lette is shaking his head no! Stevens stands up in a rage, shoving the Best Alliance referee as they begin to argue. But Nigel informs him that he didn’t see a tag, and that Mike Best is still the legal man! The crowd begins to boo their fucking brains out, losing their minds as Townsend begins to come to, grabbing the bottom rope and trying to shake out the cobwebs.
Stevens snarls, yelling for Mike to get back into the ring. The injured HOW World Champion rolls under the ropes, still visibly in pain as he hobbles toward his corner. Stevens ducks back onto the apron, reaching out for the tag... again.
Townsend makes it to his feet, rushing toward Mike in an attempt to circumvent the tag. Mike ducks a clothesline, booting Townsend in the stomach and grabbing into a standing triangle hold, out of nowhere! He drops Rhys to the ground, screaming out in pain as it tears at his shoulder. Townsend flails madly, as the arena goes ballistic!
Joe Hoffman: FIVE-TIME OUT! FIVE-TIME OUT! OH MY GOD!
Benny Newell: ...whathefuckseriouslyareyoufuckingjokingme?!
Mike is trying to keep the hold clamped on, literally screaming out with tears welling up in his eyes. The crowd gets progressively louder, as Townsend’s body begins to go limp! Nigel Lette drops down, leery, checking on Townsend and trying to delay the inevitable.
THWACK!
A big shot with Scottywood’s hockey stick breaks the hold, colliding with the side of Mike’s head and forcing him to let go. Scotty helps Townsend up off the mat, as Mike desperately crawls for the tag once again. Townsend lumbers toward his own corner, tagging in Max Kael and bringing down another round of boos from the Chicago crowd.
Max Kael ducks into the ring, essentially diving on his brother and raining down donkey punches on the back of his head. He claws into Mike’s hair, bringing down fist after fist into the already concussed World Champion’s skull. Stevens reaches toward his extended hand, and just barely gets the tag! The crowd goes crazy!
Max doesn’t seem to notice or care that a tag has taken place, as he wildly thrashes at his brother, grabbing his shoulder and squeezing. Mike screams out, and Stevens jumps into the ring, immediately knocking Max sideways with a haymaker to the side of the head!
Joe Hoffman: Scott Stevens got the tag!
Benny Newell: Come on, Nigel... you SAW this one? STEP UP YOUR GAME, PORCH MONKEY!
Stevens continues the assault, but Rhys Townsend and Scottywood both jump back into the ring, dogpiling on and taking Stevens down, stomps and punches beating him into the canvas. Max shakes it off, standing up growling as he grabs his brother up by the hair, lifting him to his feet. He pulls him up onto his shoulders...
Joe Hoffman: The Singularity! This is going to be devastating!
Benny Newell: Wrong guy, Max! Hit the legal one!
The Jesus Complex!
Mike counters! On Max’s shoulder for the fireman’s carry, Mike summons all his strength and counters The Singularity into his own finishing maneuver, sending both himself and Max Kael over the ropes and crashing to the concrete floor below! The crowd explodes into an instant “HOLY SHIT!” chant, as both Townsend and Scottywood stop stomping on Stevens, their eyes growing wide!
Mike and Max crash to the outside, both immediately unmoving as their knocked out from the impact. Inside the ring, Stevens gets to his knees, firing up and hitting the Toxic Sting on Scottywood! Woodson flies off his feet, falling back and tangling in the ropes!
Rhys Townsend spins Stevens around, not having any of it as he lifts the HOW ICON Champion into the air and nails The Musclebuster, flooring his opponent, but with no legal man to make the pin! The crowd is booing as Townsend stands over Stevens, shaking his head as he stares at his unconscious opponent.
Neither man is moving outside of the ring, as Townsend goes to check on Scottywood. Suddenly, a man jumps the guardrail and the fans begin booing even louder than they already were. Attired in a #97000 red, Lee Best Special suit jacket...
Joe Hoffman: John Sektor! Damnit, not again!
Benny Newell: HA! SAVE THE DAY, SEK!
John Sektor picks Max Kael up, trying to shake him awake. Max begins to come to, and Sektor literally rolls him into the ring and begins yelling for him to pin Stevens. Mike grabs the guardrail, trying to pull himself up with his good arm.
Townsend rallies for Max, rushing to help him as he crawls toward Stevens in the middle of the ring. Outside, John Sektor slams Mike Best’s head against the guardrail, knocking him back to the concrete, out cold.
Max barely gets an arm draped over Stevens, and Nigel Lette drops for the count.
ONE!
TWO!
[THE BIG SPACE WHERE MY PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND’S AMAZING VAGINA USED TO BE]
THREE!
DING DING DING
The bell rings, as Rhys Townsend and a rapidly recovering Scottywood help their Best Alliance teammate to his feet. They raise Max’s arm in the air.
Bryan McVay: Here are your winners, in 16:32.... Scottywood, Rhys Townsend, and Max Kael.... THE BEST ALIIIIAAAAAAANCE!
The three Best Alliance members stand proudly over Scott Stevens, talking trash. Scottywood gives the ICON Champion another kick to the head, while outside of the ring, John Sektor has once again applied the Sektor Stretch to Mike Best. You can practically see his shoulder separating as the unconscious HOW World Champion is locked helplessly in the hold, completely motionless as Turmoil goes off the air.
Benny Newell: You’re gonna end the story there? What about the part where John Sektor slammed his dick down on the table and then fucked Bastard Best’s brains out with it? FAIR AND BALANCED, JOE.
Joe Hoffman: Well I don’t know if I’d put it that way, Benny. But the surprise return of John Sektor did make for an unfortunate end to Mike Best’s effort to even the odds. Tonight, Mike Best and Scott Stevens will make an unlikely team up against the men vying for their titles at ICONIC-- ICON Title match competitors Scottywood and Rhys Townsend, alongside World Title number one contender Max Kael. And frankly, Benny, I know you’ll justify it... but I just don’t understand how this is supposed to be a fair match. Especially with Nigel Lette, the presiding Best Alliance referee, being in charge of the action.
Benny Newell: It’s not, idiot. Lee Best is Judge Dredd around here-- HE IS THE LAW.
Joe Hoffman: And exactly what laws did Mike Best and Scott Stevens break? They’re both injured-- as we saw earlier tonight, Mike Best is in a sling thanks to John Sektor re-tearing his rotator cuff. Scott Stevens is majorly concussed. What merits another handicap match?
Benny Newell: Justice. Douchebaggery is a crime most foul, Hoffhole.
“Undead” by Hollywood Undead begins to play over the Best Arena sound system, heralding the arrival of the Best Alliance team as they appear through the entranceway. Well, at least two of them. Scottywood and Max Kael step through the curtain onto the stage, Max tugging irritatedly at his shock collar while Scottywood aggressively spins his hockey stick in his hand.
Without Lee Best’s presence, the crowd boos their fucking brains out for the Best Alliance team. Scotty smirks, seeming almost to enjoy the reaction, while Max really couldn’t care less either way. Both seem a little concerned at the absence of Townsend, though, and they look around for him-- Max even doubles back to the entranceway and checks behind the curtain.
Joe Hoffman: Well it’s beginning to look like we might have a standard tag match on our hands, Benny. Where in the heck is Rhys Townsend?
Benny Newell: Heck? WELL BY GOLLY, JOE! What are you, a narc? He’s out selling beer and popcorn, Joe. You thought he was gonna stop because of a match?
Begrudgingly, Scottywood and Max make their way down the ramp and climb up into the ring. Scotty leaves his hockey stick on the apron, heading up to one of the turnbuckles and raising a slow arm into the air. Max doesn’t bother pandering, still trying to rip off his shock collar.
As the music fades away, it’s quickly replaced by Nerfherder’s “Don’t Hate Me”, bringing a huge ovation from the Chicago crowd as Michael Best and Scott Stevens make their way out from behind the curtain. Stevens has the hood up on his self-emblazoned Nike hoodie, the HOW ICON Championship over his shoulder. Mike has abandoned his sling for the match, wearing the HOW World Championship around his waist.
Mike snarls, obviously still hurting from last week and the attack by Scottywood earlier tonight. Stevens has focused his gaze into the crowd, searching around for something as they make their way to the ring.
Joe Hoffman: They might not be a likely team, Benny, but the ICON and World Champions will certainly make for a formidable force inside the ring. I can’t say I’m envious of the Best Alliance tonight.
Benny Newell: You know what’s a formidable force? My dick and balls. Thick, like a fuckin’ tuna can.
They make it to the ring steps, Stevens climbing into the ring first and standing guard as Mike tries to duck in with effectively only one shoulder. Taking their corner, Nigel Lette looks around for Townsend one more time before convening with the two Best Alliance members about what should be done. After a brief huddle, they break and Nigel Lette collects the title belts from Best and Stevens.
Nigel rings the bell, and the match is underway with Best and Scottywood as the legal men.
DING DING DING
Off the starting bell, Scottywood immediately turns and picks his hockey stick up off the apron, glancing over at Nigel Lette to see if he’s going to stop him. When he doesn’t, Woodson grins and charges forward with the stick, swinging it wildly at Mike Best!
Mike narrowly ducks out of the way, but Stevens is clipped on the apron, sending him falling to the outside in the opening seconds of the match. He hits the concrete, landing badly on his knee and clutching it in pain. Inside the ring, Mike clocks Scotty in the side of the head with a left hand, favoring his uninjured arm, and then immediately follows it up with an even stiffer forearm. Scotty staggers back into the ropes, but Mike catches him with an arm drag that drops him in the middle of the ring.
Scotty pops immediately back to his feet, but walks into a second arm drag! The crowd is buzzing, but Scottywood stands up from the second one and launches in for an elbow collar tie-up, weaseling out of a hammerlock and throwing Mike to the ropes with a quick Irish whip.
Joe Hoffman: Mike Best doing his best to control the early match, but it doesn’t look like he’ll be getting any help from the officials in this one.
Benny Newell: Help? From the officials? Wouldn’t that be... cheating?
Mike Best flies back off the ropes, but Scottywood has retrieved his hockey stick. He cross checks Mike in the face, knocking him to the canvas and making a quick cover. Nigel Lette makes it even quicker.
ONE!
TWO!
TH-- KICKOUT!
Even with the fast count, it’s not enough to keep the World Champion down for three. Scottywood snarls, climbing back to his feet and throwing the hockey stick aside. He jams a boot into the shoulder of his opponent, and the crowd winces as Mike screams out, clutching his torn rotator cuff.
Scott Stevens climbs to his feet outside the ring, grabbing the guardrail for support. The crowd begins to boo, and as he looks up, the ICON Champion is nailed in the side of the head with a hard metal pan! Stevens is staggered sideways as Rhys “Concession Salesman” Townsend hops the guardrail, still wearing a vest of beer and nachos. Hot, liquid nacho cheese burns the skin of Scott Stevens as Townsend towers over him, kicking the ICON Champion in the head as he makes his way over to his appropriate corner.
Joe Hoffman: Oh come on! Where’s the disqualification?! With Townsend back in this match, it’s practically a four-on-one out there!
Benny Newell: Hey Joe? JOE?! You know why you shouldn’t eat Townsend’s concession stand cheese?
Joe Hoffman: …..
Benny Newell: Cause it’s NOT-CHO CHEESE!
Back in the ring, Scottywood continues his barrage of stomps, punishing the chest and shoulder of Mike Best before making his way to the corner. He tags in Rhys Townsend, who offers him a beer off the back of his concession vest. Scotty pops the top, taking a long swig, but then immediately spitting it out as he looks down at the bottle...
Bud Light.
Scotty grimaces, shaking his head before turning back to Mike Best, who is clearly looking for a tag. Scott Stevens heads for the apron, trying to wipe himself clean of the molten hot nacho cheese as he climbs back into the corner. The crowd begins clamoring for the tag, buzzing like crazy, but Scottywood grabs him by the leg and pulls the World Champion back to the center, drawing a huge boo from the fans.
Rhys Townsend removes his concession vest, leaving it ringside before sliding back into the ring as a legal man. He bends down and lifts Mike up off the mat, with Scottywood kicking him in the ribs one last time for good measure before he ducks out of the ring and takes his corner. Mike is already worse for the wear, but Townsend clutches him from behind and hurls his rival backward with a German suplex, practically knocking him out cold.
Joe Hoffman: This... this is barely a match. Someone stop this. Both those men are injured!
Benny Newell: And whose fault is that? Huh?
Joe Hoffman: The Best Alliance’s! They’ve been savaging Mike Best and Scott Stevens for weeks!
Benny Newell: That’s a vicious rumor, and I won’t be a part of your gossip, Joe. Grow up.
Townsend towers over Mike Best, picking him up by the hair, clearly not ready to put an end to this just yet. He throws Mike to the ropes, but the World Champion grabs on tight, stopping himself from running back toward his opponent! Townsend growls, charging forward, but Mike pulls down the ropes and sends Townsend over top, headed toward the concrete below! The crowd goes wild!
Mike quickly makes the tag to Scott Stevens, and the building practically explodes!
Stevens gets a running start off the apron, jumping into the air and colliding into Townsend with a flying dropkick! His bitter nemesis rolls sideways with the blow, and both men lie on the concrete trying to get their bearings as Nigel Lette begins the slowest count out in the history of counting and outs.
1.............................................................
Mike Best charges forward as Max Kael and Scottywood both climb into the ring, bringing both BA members to the canvas with a double clothesline! The crowd is loving it, but Mike drops to the mat clutching his shoulder, obviously aggravating it when he through the right side blow. He rolls out of the ring and tries to recover at ringside, practically screaming out in pain.
2.....................................................................................
Stevens gets back up to his feet, dragging Townsend up with him as he rolls his ICONIC challenger into the ring, under the ropes. Stevens climbs in second, stomping on his opponent and holding the ropes for leverage as he brings down the blows.
Joe Hoffman: Well the countout went to two.... hundred. But it looks like Scott Stevens may be turning this match around!
Benny Newell: You’re a glass half full kinda guy, huh? I bet it’s half full of fucking jizz.
Scottywood and Max get back to their feet, charging after Stevens, but The Scorpion sidesteps Woodson, throwing him over the ropes and to the outside. Max catches him with a forearm, and the duo begin to brawl in the middle of the ring! Stevens gets the upper hand, knocking Max to the mat with a stiff haymaker! Max rolls out of the ring, to get away from the onslaught.
Stevens spins around, as Townsend has gotten to his feet. The mighty Rhys throws a boot to the gut, but Stevens grabs it and spins him around, giving him a boot of his own and hitting a stunner in the middle of the ring!!!
Joe Hoffman: TOXIC STING! THIS IS IT!
Benny Newell: BULLSHIT! FUCK NO! COUNT SLOOOOOW!
Stevens drops for the cover, making the pin.
….........
…....................
…..............................
Stevens looks up in confusion, easily surpassing a three count. But Nigel Lette is shaking his head no! Stevens stands up in a rage, shoving the Best Alliance referee as they begin to argue. But Nigel informs him that he didn’t see a tag, and that Mike Best is still the legal man! The crowd begins to boo their fucking brains out, losing their minds as Townsend begins to come to, grabbing the bottom rope and trying to shake out the cobwebs.
Stevens snarls, yelling for Mike to get back into the ring. The injured HOW World Champion rolls under the ropes, still visibly in pain as he hobbles toward his corner. Stevens ducks back onto the apron, reaching out for the tag... again.
Townsend makes it to his feet, rushing toward Mike in an attempt to circumvent the tag. Mike ducks a clothesline, booting Townsend in the stomach and grabbing into a standing triangle hold, out of nowhere! He drops Rhys to the ground, screaming out in pain as it tears at his shoulder. Townsend flails madly, as the arena goes ballistic!
Joe Hoffman: FIVE-TIME OUT! FIVE-TIME OUT! OH MY GOD!
Benny Newell: ...whathefuckseriouslyareyoufuckingjokingme?!
Mike is trying to keep the hold clamped on, literally screaming out with tears welling up in his eyes. The crowd gets progressively louder, as Townsend’s body begins to go limp! Nigel Lette drops down, leery, checking on Townsend and trying to delay the inevitable.
THWACK!
A big shot with Scottywood’s hockey stick breaks the hold, colliding with the side of Mike’s head and forcing him to let go. Scotty helps Townsend up off the mat, as Mike desperately crawls for the tag once again. Townsend lumbers toward his own corner, tagging in Max Kael and bringing down another round of boos from the Chicago crowd.
Max Kael ducks into the ring, essentially diving on his brother and raining down donkey punches on the back of his head. He claws into Mike’s hair, bringing down fist after fist into the already concussed World Champion’s skull. Stevens reaches toward his extended hand, and just barely gets the tag! The crowd goes crazy!
Max doesn’t seem to notice or care that a tag has taken place, as he wildly thrashes at his brother, grabbing his shoulder and squeezing. Mike screams out, and Stevens jumps into the ring, immediately knocking Max sideways with a haymaker to the side of the head!
Joe Hoffman: Scott Stevens got the tag!
Benny Newell: Come on, Nigel... you SAW this one? STEP UP YOUR GAME, PORCH MONKEY!
Stevens continues the assault, but Rhys Townsend and Scottywood both jump back into the ring, dogpiling on and taking Stevens down, stomps and punches beating him into the canvas. Max shakes it off, standing up growling as he grabs his brother up by the hair, lifting him to his feet. He pulls him up onto his shoulders...
Joe Hoffman: The Singularity! This is going to be devastating!
Benny Newell: Wrong guy, Max! Hit the legal one!
The Jesus Complex!
Mike counters! On Max’s shoulder for the fireman’s carry, Mike summons all his strength and counters The Singularity into his own finishing maneuver, sending both himself and Max Kael over the ropes and crashing to the concrete floor below! The crowd explodes into an instant “HOLY SHIT!” chant, as both Townsend and Scottywood stop stomping on Stevens, their eyes growing wide!
Mike and Max crash to the outside, both immediately unmoving as their knocked out from the impact. Inside the ring, Stevens gets to his knees, firing up and hitting the Toxic Sting on Scottywood! Woodson flies off his feet, falling back and tangling in the ropes!
Rhys Townsend spins Stevens around, not having any of it as he lifts the HOW ICON Champion into the air and nails The Musclebuster, flooring his opponent, but with no legal man to make the pin! The crowd is booing as Townsend stands over Stevens, shaking his head as he stares at his unconscious opponent.
Neither man is moving outside of the ring, as Townsend goes to check on Scottywood. Suddenly, a man jumps the guardrail and the fans begin booing even louder than they already were. Attired in a #97000 red, Lee Best Special suit jacket...
Joe Hoffman: John Sektor! Damnit, not again!
Benny Newell: HA! SAVE THE DAY, SEK!
John Sektor picks Max Kael up, trying to shake him awake. Max begins to come to, and Sektor literally rolls him into the ring and begins yelling for him to pin Stevens. Mike grabs the guardrail, trying to pull himself up with his good arm.
Townsend rallies for Max, rushing to help him as he crawls toward Stevens in the middle of the ring. Outside, John Sektor slams Mike Best’s head against the guardrail, knocking him back to the concrete, out cold.
Max barely gets an arm draped over Stevens, and Nigel Lette drops for the count.
ONE!
TWO!
[THE BIG SPACE WHERE MY PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND’S AMAZING VAGINA USED TO BE]
THREE!
DING DING DING
The bell rings, as Rhys Townsend and a rapidly recovering Scottywood help their Best Alliance teammate to his feet. They raise Max’s arm in the air.
Bryan McVay: Here are your winners, in 16:32.... Scottywood, Rhys Townsend, and Max Kael.... THE BEST ALIIIIAAAAAAANCE!
The three Best Alliance members stand proudly over Scott Stevens, talking trash. Scottywood gives the ICON Champion another kick to the head, while outside of the ring, John Sektor has once again applied the Sektor Stretch to Mike Best. You can practically see his shoulder separating as the unconscious HOW World Champion is locked helplessly in the hold, completely motionless as Turmoil goes off the air.