Post by Jman2k3 on Dec 9, 2023 22:25:08 GMT
Chaos 052
Event Date: December 4, 2023 at 10:00 pm
Darin Zion and Scott Stevens vs. Jace Parker Davidson
Handicap No DQ Match
Back live and the lights go completely out as pitch blackness engulfs everything. The sound of music accompanied by whispering begins to play. Everyone remains silent until the first coherent words are shouted out.
I’M SICK!
But I think you know that already
You call me evil but how would you know it
Unless you live it already?
You think you’re better right?
Because nobodies seen what you’ve done in the dark
But if I put your life in this light
You would crumble and fight to survive or die
But bitch I fucking knew that already
I ain’t special
But I specialize in making you feel especially stupid
For judging a human, while you sit at home
And the whole world judge can’t watch what you doing
Or follow and hate all your movements
I ain’t complaining but I know the people who do it
Are sicker than me, and I’m sick enough I just might lose it
A spotlight shines over the stage as the music continues to play.
Yeah, you think you know me ’cause you double-tap on a picture
I hate the fact that you judge me, it’s driving me crazy
So when it’s too deep I say, “Fuck it” and drown in some liquor
I write these verses in blood, I got chapters
For days ’cause my heart is my biblical scripture
And I ain’t a prophet but I can predict
That you’ll never catch happiness till you’re the pitcher
The crowd begins to buzz as a shopping cart begins to roll out from behind the curtain. The loud reaction that follows is because the person pushing the shopping cart is Jace Parker Davidson.
So please continue to laugh
If I’m a clown, you a circus act
When I rap it’s in a surgeons mask
‘Cause I place every syllable in a deliverable fashion
From first to last
Then cut back with a message that’s hidden in melody
Making them think and ask
If I was the one on the table pushing, giving birth to rap
Jace is dressed in casual clothing. No boots, no wrestling gear at all. He stands there and looks out at the crowd while gripping the handle of the cart.
Bryan McVay: From Denver, Colorado… weighing in tonight at 253 lbs. He is an HOW Hall of Famer. Please welcome JACEEE PARKERRR DAVIDSONNN!
Maybe it was me
Maybe you like all my music but don’t really actually love me
Maybe you just want a picture
Maybe you just want to see me ’cause you need some money
Maybe you think that I’m happy
Maybe you think in reality liking my post is repairing a hole
When it’s actually shaking and cutting the soul right out of me
Joe Hoffman: Davidson has come here tonight prepared, that shopping cart is filled with various weapons!
I think I’m sick
I feel a rush of emotion whenever I post up a pic
I got a problem
I’m in the studio rapping while this girl is sucking my dick
She cut a hole in my heart now I fill it with women
Who love me ’cause they think I’m rich
And if I be honest I just told a bitch that I care
But I really do not give a shit
Jace lets out a roar to the crowd before slowly pushing the shopping cart full of weapons down the ramp toward the ring.
So what’s your excuse, what helps you sleep?
You leave a negative comment
Not knowing that what you sow, you will reap
I bet you smile when you post, thinking you’re hurting me
But you see the way the brain works
You become what you speak
Davidson makes it down to the ringside area and then begins to circle the ring slowly as the fans continue to make noise.
I need peace, but y’all can’t offer that
I held my ground, I didn’t sell my soul
I said fuck the fame, y’all can’t take that offer back
Fuck a shelf, you can’t take me off the rack
All the fame is not worth a heart attack
You’re insane, you’re in pain, I can tell by what you’re saying
Benny Newell: This man has lost his mind. He’s walking around ringside here with a shopping cart like he’s some bum off the street. The sad part is that these people here in Phoenix adding things to that cart.
But my bad, I forgot you were fragile
I forgot someone who doesn’t even know me told you I’m an asshole.
I forgot that I’m a villain
I forgot that I’ve always spread positivity, but you think I didn’t
I forgot that hatred stems from people who hate their own existence
I forgot I’m better off alone
I forgot I care for everyone’s happiness, but forget about my own
I forget I spend every waking second on my phone–
Benny is right as fans are tossing steel chairs and other items into the cart as the Hall of Famer continues to circle ringside.
Come join my circus, I’m recruiting
I’m taking everyone who passes judgement
Bitch, that’s including everyone who thinks it’s so amusing
To put me down while I’m pursuing
The keyboard warriors that live online
Behind a screen that’s just an illusion
Come, come, come, come join my circus
Jace reaches into the shopping cart and begins tossing some of the weapons into the ring which gets a larger reaction from the crowd.
You fucking pricks
I’ll fuck you till you love me, then pay you to do some tricks
I don’t need a doctor, I need a bag of nails and bricks
To lay down on the floor
So if you fail to land a flip you can feel what I felt
When you tried to come sink my ship
Let me explain, you all help me financially gain
But I spend my money on mental health books
And read them just to control all my pain
I don’t wear clothes, but bought this chain
And just like you this chain is fake
I wear it to distract you from the blatant sadness
Written on my fucking face
Jace pulls his barbed wire-wrapped baseball bat from the cart and then marches his way up the steel ring steps.
What’d you expect?
Did you think I was immune to what you were saying
And didn’t see all of the disrespect?
Do you think I’m not human, have no feelings?
Or maybe you think I’m fucking weak and now I’m pleading
Maybe you think I’m just too good
And that I’m fucking cheating?
Davidson walks along the ring apron before turning toward the crowd. He raises the bat high into the air as the crowd noise gets even more intense.
Or maybe, just maybe
You’re blind and the hate inside your heart
Clouds your eyes and your mind and your ears when I rhyme
Even though we all know I’m one of the best of all time (all time)
Or maybe you’re just a fucking bitch and I can’t-
Jace steps through the ropes and then makes his way to the nearest corner. He climbs the turnbuckle before raising the bat into the air again.
Stop comparing me to people who are not in my league
Stop saying I don’t believe in God just because you can’t read
Stop making fake profiles so you can spam my feed
I’m not alone, I know there’s millions out there just like me
Davidson hops down off of the turnbuckle as the lights come back up and the music stops.
Just then “This Means War” by Avenged Sevenfold blares from the PA system as the words The Last Man in Wrestling are shown in 97Red on the HOV. Solex walks out from behind the curtain to a thunderous round of boos. With a microphone in hand he calls for silence as the music fades.
Steve Solex: You think you’re real fuckin’ clever, don’t you? Gonna come out here with a shopping cart full of goodies and think you’re going to beat these two chuckle-fucks down? I don’t fuckin’ think so.
Joe Hoffman: What’s he’s talking about?
Benny Newell: Keep it down Hoffhole, that’s the MERCDAD!
Steve Solex: I just left the office of Lee Best and he sent me out here to tell you, you pansy bitch, that this match will no longer be contested as a No Disqualification match.
The crowd unleashes a fury of boos as Solex twirls the microphone in his hand, mocking Davidson.
Steven Solex: Instead, this match will now be scheduled under normal handicap rules and be fought to….ONE FALL!
Joe Hoffman: One had to think that Jace Parker Davidson would have the advantage in a NoDQ match, but Steve Solex has just taken that away from him.
Davidson, incensed in the ring, leans over the top rope and stares daggers at Solex as The Last Man in Wrestling makes his exit through the curtain and suddenly the lights in the arena go black as the sound of bells are heard throughout the arena. Each bell lights up a signal spotlight above the stage and the final bell brings the High Octane Vision to life as “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica begins to play.
Joe Hoffman: Here comes Scott Stevens!
The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen a Texas flag, with the words, “Texas Born. Texas Bred.” “Texas Forever.“ branded into the flag. The arena burst the roof off with cheers as the crowd knows who is about to walk out and they are letting him know it by chanting his name. The final image that is displayed across the screen is a giant hand that slowly closes into a FIST as letters slowly appear and form a message and that message reads in bold, capitalized letters… SCOTT STEVENS.
Brian McVay: And his opponents. Coming to the ring first. He stands 6’6” and weighs in at 256 lbs. He is from Houston, Texas. He is an HOW Hall of Famer. SSSSSCCCCOOOOTTTTT SSSSSTTTTEEEEVVVVEEEENNNSSSS!!!
The wait is finally over as a spotlight shines towards the top of the entrance ramp as the chorus hits the speakers drawing out the man from Texas and the cheers intensify as Scott Stevens appears from behind the curtain. the Texan stares down at his opponent with an icy glare before slowly raisin up his right fist high into the air. As he lowers it he gives his opponent the unofficial state bird of Texas to show his true feeling towards them. As Stevens makes down the aisle, he fists bumps some of his fans while raising a fist at a few of the more vocal bashers.
Stevens slowly makes his way around the ring never taking his eyes off of his opponent until he reaches the nearest set of ring steps and proceeds to enter the ring. Once inside, Stevens goes to the nearest corner and ascends the ropes; looking out amongst the crowd before raising his fist once more before dropping to the canvas as a loud chant erupts from the crowd.
Benny Newell: Why can’t these pricks just walk down the ramp and get in the fuckin’ ring? Jesus.
Joe Hoffman: Take a chill-pill, Benny. We’ve still gone one more to go!
The opening chords of REO Speedwagon’s “Keep On Loving You” hit over the PA system. On the HOV, a giant heart appears to beat to the song.
♫ You should have seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin’ missin’ ♫
Emerging from the locker room is REAL LOVE Darin Zion, decked out in a pink and purple robe. The words REAL LOVE are printed on the back in sequins. The sequins sparkle in the pink spotlight hitting the smug HOW superstar while he strolls down to the ring. Unphased by the fans heckling him, he swivels his hips, trying to draw the attention of the women. A cocky sneer is painted on his face as he gets down to the end of the entrance ramp.
Joe Hoffman: Here comes Real Love and he looks like he means business.
♫ And I’m gonna keep on lovin’ you
‘Cause it’s the only thing I want to do
I don’t want to sleep, I just want to keep on lovin’ you♫
Bryan McVay: Introducing first…..FROM SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA. REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL LOOOOOOOOOVE DAAAAAAAAARIN ZIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOON!!!!
Zion throws his robe on the ground, displaying his 8-pack abs. REAL LOVE starts counting them, blowing a kiss to the camera. Sliding into the ring, he poses like a French model, winking to the audience at home. While the bridge finishes, Zion leaps up to his feet. He motions back towards the entrance ramp, taunting his opponent for the evening.
Joe Hoffman: Jace Parker Davidson doesn’t look to impressed with either one of these men, and what are they doing?
Benny Newell: In GOD’s Name, stop! They’re playing rock, paper, scissors for who’s going to be in first. Fuck me.
Joe Hoffman: It looks like it’s going to be Zion as rock always beats scissors.
Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up.
Referee Matt Boettcher calls for the bell and start of the match.
DING! DING! DING!
Davidson and Zion circle each other before locking up in the center of the ring. Zion takes the immediate advantage and hooks JPD up with an arm drag that sends the HOW Hall of Famer across the ring. The crowd immediately erupts into a chorus of jeers and JPD, enraged and embarrassed, charges back toward Zion only to once again be taken down with a deep arm drag.
Benny Newell: Zion doing his best Steamboat impression out there.
Joe Hoffman: Are you the new play by play guy?
Benny Newell: Shut up, dork.
Davidson grabs at the back of his head and stares across the ring at Real Love who flashes a giant white grin and mocks JPD with a tricep flex that draws a smattering of chuckles from a few fans in the floor seats. Davidson calmly climbs back to his feet and once again they lock up in the center of the ring. This time, however, Jace is quick to drive a knee into Zion’s gut, doubling him over. Taking advantage of the positioning Davidson drives the point of his elbow into the back of Zion’s neck and Real Love collapses face first into the mat.
Benny Newell: Fuck that. Get the Final Alliance out here and get rid of this fuckin’ NERD once and for all.
Joe Hoffman: A dangerous shot from JPD and Zion is finding himself in a bit of trouble here in the early part of this match.
Davidson pulls Zion back to his feet and lands a pair of closed fisted right hands into the head of Zion which causes the Chicago native to stumble back against the ropes. Davidson then sends Real Love across the ring with an Irish whip and on Zion’s return, Davidson flattens him with a thunderous lariat. Davidson quickly makes a cover and hooks a leg as Hall of Fame referee Matt Boetcher slides in for the count.
Joe Hoffman: Cover by JPD!
1!
…
…
2!
…
…
Benny Newell: Kick the fuck out you nerd-bitch!
Joe Hoffman: Just on time, Zion kicks out before the count of three!
Davidson gives Boettcher a cross look as he grabs a fistful of Zion’s hair and lifts him to his feet. Again Davidson drives a few punches into Zion’s head, but this time backs him into the corner. Davidson wastes no time and stays on the attack as he whips Zion across the ring and sends him slamming into the opposite side turnbuckle. Zion, on queer street, stumbles out of the corner and…
Joe Hoffman: SPEAR! HOLY COW WHAT A SPEAR FROM JPD!!!
Benny Newell: Mother…
As Zion stumbled out from the corner, Davidson sprinted from across the ring and absolutely flattened the former three-time ICON Champion. Davidson makes another cover and the referee, right on top of the action, slides in for the count.
1!
…
2!
…
Joe Hoffman: OH! Scott Stevens with an elbow drop onto the back of JPD’s head to break up the count!
Boettcher springs to his feet and shouts Stevens back to his corner as Zion and Davidson both slowly climb back to their feet. Both men, in the center of the ring, begin to exchange right hand for right hand as the crowd cheers on Davidson and boos the supposed Final Alliance member.
Benny Newell: It’s about time Stevens did something right, but Jesus…someone send a real Final Alliance member out here so we can get rid of this shitbrick once and for all!
Jace throws a wild haymaker attempting to take control of the situation but Zion ducks underneath and hits the ropes. Davidson turns to meet his opponent in the center of the ring but instead is dealt a running spinning wheel kick from Zion and Davidson is suddenly flat on his back in the middle of the ring. Zion, seemingly shocked by what’s transpired, looks down at Davidson and then at the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: What is Zion thinking here Benny?
Benny Newell: Wondering why his dick is the same size it was in the second grade?
Joe Hoffman: Class act.
Zion runs toward the ropes and using the second rope as a springboard, Zion executes a backflip but Davidson quickly rolls out of the way.
Joe Hoffman: Zion landed on his feet! OH! SLINGBLADE FROM DARIN ZION! JPD IS DOWN AGAIN!!
Zion quickly makes a cover and Boettcher is right there for the count…
1!
…
Benny Newell: If Zion pins this fuckin’ dork, I will fucking die!
…
2!
…
…
Joe Hoffman: JPD kicks out!!
Davidson is able to kickout a beat before Boettcher’s hand hit the mat for the third time and the match continues. Zion jumps back to his feet and gives Davidson a couple of hard stomps before he reaches over and makes the tag for Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: Tag by Darin Zion and we’ll see Scott Stevens in this match for the first time tonight.
Benny Newell: Welp…
Stevens, full of bravado, saunters across the ring and he too drives a couple of stomps down onto Davidson before lifting him to his feet. Stevens backs Davidson into the ropes and throws him into the opposite side ropes. On return, Stevens goes low with a chop block and Davidson is sent in a somersault across the ring. Stevens, clearly proud of himself, gives a big smile to the crowd and throws his arms up in the air as the crowd rains down with boos.
Benny Newell: He’ll fuck this up, you watch. I’ve seen way too many Scott Stevens matches to not know how this is going to end!
Stevens slowly and confidently walks across the ring and grabs a handful of Davidson’s hair and lifts him to his feet. Stevens lifts his fellow Hall of Famer up onto his shoulder and charges toward the corner, driving Davidon’s lower back into the corner. Davidson lets out a heavy grunt as the thud of the buckle echoes throughout the arena. Stevens backs up a few paces and then charges in for a Stinger Splash, but Davidson moves out of the way and hits the ropes as Stevens goes face first into the top of the ring post.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens goes headfirst into the post! He’s got to be hurt and he’s on stumble avenue at the moment!
Stevens stumbles out of the corner, his eyes completely blank and he walks right into a superkick from Davidson. Stevens doesn’t go down however, instead he’s knocked backward and out of the ring. Zion, seemingly concerned hops off the ring apron to check on his partner when out of nowhere…
Joe Hoffman: SUICIDE DIVE FROM JPD! ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN AT RINGSIDE!
Benny Newell: Of course…
Davidson is right back to his feet and he quickly drags Stevens back to his feet and rolls the Texan back into the ring. Davidson slides in after him and quickly climbs to the top rope, but somehow Stevens is back to his feet and in a hurry, the Scorpion climbs up to the top rope with Davidson.
Benny Newell: What the fuck does he think he’s doing up there!?
Joe Hoffman: Both men up top and both men are throwing punches, but somehow Stevens has the upperhand!
Davidson appears to have been rocked by a stiff right hand, but he seems to have quickly regained his composure and he shoves Stevens from the top rope and Stevens lands flat on his back in the center of the ring. Davidson stands on the top rope and leaps for a flying elbow, but Stevens showing a bit of resilience rolls out of the way and Davidson crashes into the mat as the crowd erupts into a frenzy of boos.
Benny Newell: Let’s go you toxic spider fuck!
Joe Hoffman: Scorpion, Benny.
Benny Newell: They’re both arachnids, dipshit. Same shit.
Joe Hoffman: That’s surprisingly correct, Benny. Stevens makes the tag and Darin Zion is back in the match!
Zion is quickly on the attack and patiently waits for Davidson to get to his feet and just as he does, he backs him up with a few knife edge chops that echo throughout the arena. Davidson clutches his chest as he backs into the corner. Zion throws another blistering chop that connects, but instead of doing any damage it seems to only enrage Davidson and he fires back with his own chop that immediately raises a seven inch long welt across Zion’s chest.
Benny Newell: HAMBURGER!
Joe Hoffman: What a chop from JPD!
Zion grabs a hold of his chest and grimaces in pain, leaving his head wide open for a stiff right hand from Davidson. Zion stumbles back against the ropes and stumbles back out to the center of the ring and Davidson lifts him and spikes him headfirst into the mat with a deadeye driver!
Joe Hoffman: What a move from JPD! Stevens is in the ring!
Benny Newell: Let’s go you Lonesome fuck!
Stevens is on the attack but Davidson ducks his clothesline and Jace doubles him over with a kick to the gut. Davidson, seizing the opportunity, hits the ropes and absolutely flatlines Stevens with a V trigger knee. Stevens crumbles to his knees and Davidson is back with another V trigger knee that puts Stevens flat on his back.
Joe Hoffman: Jace Parker Davidson with a sudden surge of adrenaline!
Stevens rolls to the outside and Zion is quick to clobber Davidson in the back with a double axe handle. Davidson is hardly fazed, however and immediately turns to face his opponent. Zion throws a punch but Davidson blocks it and lands one of his own. Zion stumbles backward and into his corner. He reaches for the tag, but Stevens isn’t there and instead he eats a right hand from Davidson.
Benny Newell: Goddamnit Stevens!
Zion attempts to get away from Davidson, but the Hall of Famer is relentless in his pursuit and again backs Zion into a corner.
Benny Newell: YES! EYERAKE! Kick him in the dick!
An eye rake from Darin Zion momentarily blinds Davidson and that opens up just enough time for Zion to hook Jace’s hands behind his back and force him into the corner where a beaten and battered Scott Stevens waits for the tag.
Joe Hoffman: Tag! Stevens is the legal man!
Stevens is in the ring and Zion has Davidon’s arms pinned behind his back.
Benny Newell: Take his fuckin’ head off!
Stevens backs up and goes for The FIST!
Joe Hoffman: THE FIST! BUT JACE DUCKED AND SCOTT STEVENS JUST NAILED DARIN ZION RIGHT ON THE CHIN! ZION IS OUT COLD!
Stevens shockingly looks at his first and then down at Zion. Stevens bends down to check on his partner…
Joe Hoffman: BEND! THE! KNEE!!!!
Davidson takes advantage of the distracted Stevens and drives his forehead into the mat with his foot and makes the cover!
1!
…
…
2!
…
Benny Newell: Kick out you stupid prick!
…
3!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Davidson jumps to his feet and throws to fists in the air…
CCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: What the hell!?
Benny Newell: FUCK YES!
Jace Parker Davidson collapses, face down in the ring. Standing over top of him, with a steel chair in his hand, is none other than the MERCDAD himself, Steve Solex.
Benny Newell: The Last Man in Wrestling, babay!
Solex, with a sinister grin, stares down at Davidson as a gash.
Joe Hoffman: What’s he wearing?
Benny Newell: That’s a NECKBONE Jones shirt you fuckin NERD! That’s Solex’s battle buddy and JPD put him in the fucking hospital, Hoffhole. Solex is here to get revenge.
Solex rears back with the chair and once again sends a shockwave through the arena as he cracks Davidson in the back of the head with the steel chair once more. A pool of crimson begins to form at the side of Jace’s head as Solex hoists the chair of his head and the scene fades.
Event Date: December 4, 2023 at 10:00 pm
Darin Zion and Scott Stevens vs. Jace Parker Davidson
Handicap No DQ Match
Back live and the lights go completely out as pitch blackness engulfs everything. The sound of music accompanied by whispering begins to play. Everyone remains silent until the first coherent words are shouted out.
I’M SICK!
But I think you know that already
You call me evil but how would you know it
Unless you live it already?
You think you’re better right?
Because nobodies seen what you’ve done in the dark
But if I put your life in this light
You would crumble and fight to survive or die
But bitch I fucking knew that already
I ain’t special
But I specialize in making you feel especially stupid
For judging a human, while you sit at home
And the whole world judge can’t watch what you doing
Or follow and hate all your movements
I ain’t complaining but I know the people who do it
Are sicker than me, and I’m sick enough I just might lose it
A spotlight shines over the stage as the music continues to play.
Yeah, you think you know me ’cause you double-tap on a picture
I hate the fact that you judge me, it’s driving me crazy
So when it’s too deep I say, “Fuck it” and drown in some liquor
I write these verses in blood, I got chapters
For days ’cause my heart is my biblical scripture
And I ain’t a prophet but I can predict
That you’ll never catch happiness till you’re the pitcher
The crowd begins to buzz as a shopping cart begins to roll out from behind the curtain. The loud reaction that follows is because the person pushing the shopping cart is Jace Parker Davidson.
So please continue to laugh
If I’m a clown, you a circus act
When I rap it’s in a surgeons mask
‘Cause I place every syllable in a deliverable fashion
From first to last
Then cut back with a message that’s hidden in melody
Making them think and ask
If I was the one on the table pushing, giving birth to rap
Jace is dressed in casual clothing. No boots, no wrestling gear at all. He stands there and looks out at the crowd while gripping the handle of the cart.
Bryan McVay: From Denver, Colorado… weighing in tonight at 253 lbs. He is an HOW Hall of Famer. Please welcome JACEEE PARKERRR DAVIDSONNN!
Maybe it was me
Maybe you like all my music but don’t really actually love me
Maybe you just want a picture
Maybe you just want to see me ’cause you need some money
Maybe you think that I’m happy
Maybe you think in reality liking my post is repairing a hole
When it’s actually shaking and cutting the soul right out of me
Joe Hoffman: Davidson has come here tonight prepared, that shopping cart is filled with various weapons!
I think I’m sick
I feel a rush of emotion whenever I post up a pic
I got a problem
I’m in the studio rapping while this girl is sucking my dick
She cut a hole in my heart now I fill it with women
Who love me ’cause they think I’m rich
And if I be honest I just told a bitch that I care
But I really do not give a shit
Jace lets out a roar to the crowd before slowly pushing the shopping cart full of weapons down the ramp toward the ring.
So what’s your excuse, what helps you sleep?
You leave a negative comment
Not knowing that what you sow, you will reap
I bet you smile when you post, thinking you’re hurting me
But you see the way the brain works
You become what you speak
Davidson makes it down to the ringside area and then begins to circle the ring slowly as the fans continue to make noise.
I need peace, but y’all can’t offer that
I held my ground, I didn’t sell my soul
I said fuck the fame, y’all can’t take that offer back
Fuck a shelf, you can’t take me off the rack
All the fame is not worth a heart attack
You’re insane, you’re in pain, I can tell by what you’re saying
Benny Newell: This man has lost his mind. He’s walking around ringside here with a shopping cart like he’s some bum off the street. The sad part is that these people here in Phoenix adding things to that cart.
But my bad, I forgot you were fragile
I forgot someone who doesn’t even know me told you I’m an asshole.
I forgot that I’m a villain
I forgot that I’ve always spread positivity, but you think I didn’t
I forgot that hatred stems from people who hate their own existence
I forgot I’m better off alone
I forgot I care for everyone’s happiness, but forget about my own
I forget I spend every waking second on my phone–
Benny is right as fans are tossing steel chairs and other items into the cart as the Hall of Famer continues to circle ringside.
Come join my circus, I’m recruiting
I’m taking everyone who passes judgement
Bitch, that’s including everyone who thinks it’s so amusing
To put me down while I’m pursuing
The keyboard warriors that live online
Behind a screen that’s just an illusion
Come, come, come, come join my circus
Jace reaches into the shopping cart and begins tossing some of the weapons into the ring which gets a larger reaction from the crowd.
You fucking pricks
I’ll fuck you till you love me, then pay you to do some tricks
I don’t need a doctor, I need a bag of nails and bricks
To lay down on the floor
So if you fail to land a flip you can feel what I felt
When you tried to come sink my ship
Let me explain, you all help me financially gain
But I spend my money on mental health books
And read them just to control all my pain
I don’t wear clothes, but bought this chain
And just like you this chain is fake
I wear it to distract you from the blatant sadness
Written on my fucking face
Jace pulls his barbed wire-wrapped baseball bat from the cart and then marches his way up the steel ring steps.
What’d you expect?
Did you think I was immune to what you were saying
And didn’t see all of the disrespect?
Do you think I’m not human, have no feelings?
Or maybe you think I’m fucking weak and now I’m pleading
Maybe you think I’m just too good
And that I’m fucking cheating?
Davidson walks along the ring apron before turning toward the crowd. He raises the bat high into the air as the crowd noise gets even more intense.
Or maybe, just maybe
You’re blind and the hate inside your heart
Clouds your eyes and your mind and your ears when I rhyme
Even though we all know I’m one of the best of all time (all time)
Or maybe you’re just a fucking bitch and I can’t-
Jace steps through the ropes and then makes his way to the nearest corner. He climbs the turnbuckle before raising the bat into the air again.
Stop comparing me to people who are not in my league
Stop saying I don’t believe in God just because you can’t read
Stop making fake profiles so you can spam my feed
I’m not alone, I know there’s millions out there just like me
Davidson hops down off of the turnbuckle as the lights come back up and the music stops.
Just then “This Means War” by Avenged Sevenfold blares from the PA system as the words The Last Man in Wrestling are shown in 97Red on the HOV. Solex walks out from behind the curtain to a thunderous round of boos. With a microphone in hand he calls for silence as the music fades.
Steve Solex: You think you’re real fuckin’ clever, don’t you? Gonna come out here with a shopping cart full of goodies and think you’re going to beat these two chuckle-fucks down? I don’t fuckin’ think so.
Joe Hoffman: What’s he’s talking about?
Benny Newell: Keep it down Hoffhole, that’s the MERCDAD!
Steve Solex: I just left the office of Lee Best and he sent me out here to tell you, you pansy bitch, that this match will no longer be contested as a No Disqualification match.
The crowd unleashes a fury of boos as Solex twirls the microphone in his hand, mocking Davidson.
Steven Solex: Instead, this match will now be scheduled under normal handicap rules and be fought to….ONE FALL!
Joe Hoffman: One had to think that Jace Parker Davidson would have the advantage in a NoDQ match, but Steve Solex has just taken that away from him.
Davidson, incensed in the ring, leans over the top rope and stares daggers at Solex as The Last Man in Wrestling makes his exit through the curtain and suddenly the lights in the arena go black as the sound of bells are heard throughout the arena. Each bell lights up a signal spotlight above the stage and the final bell brings the High Octane Vision to life as “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica begins to play.
Joe Hoffman: Here comes Scott Stevens!
The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen a Texas flag, with the words, “Texas Born. Texas Bred.” “Texas Forever.“ branded into the flag. The arena burst the roof off with cheers as the crowd knows who is about to walk out and they are letting him know it by chanting his name. The final image that is displayed across the screen is a giant hand that slowly closes into a FIST as letters slowly appear and form a message and that message reads in bold, capitalized letters… SCOTT STEVENS.
Brian McVay: And his opponents. Coming to the ring first. He stands 6’6” and weighs in at 256 lbs. He is from Houston, Texas. He is an HOW Hall of Famer. SSSSSCCCCOOOOTTTTT SSSSSTTTTEEEEVVVVEEEENNNSSSS!!!
The wait is finally over as a spotlight shines towards the top of the entrance ramp as the chorus hits the speakers drawing out the man from Texas and the cheers intensify as Scott Stevens appears from behind the curtain. the Texan stares down at his opponent with an icy glare before slowly raisin up his right fist high into the air. As he lowers it he gives his opponent the unofficial state bird of Texas to show his true feeling towards them. As Stevens makes down the aisle, he fists bumps some of his fans while raising a fist at a few of the more vocal bashers.
Stevens slowly makes his way around the ring never taking his eyes off of his opponent until he reaches the nearest set of ring steps and proceeds to enter the ring. Once inside, Stevens goes to the nearest corner and ascends the ropes; looking out amongst the crowd before raising his fist once more before dropping to the canvas as a loud chant erupts from the crowd.
Benny Newell: Why can’t these pricks just walk down the ramp and get in the fuckin’ ring? Jesus.
Joe Hoffman: Take a chill-pill, Benny. We’ve still gone one more to go!
The opening chords of REO Speedwagon’s “Keep On Loving You” hit over the PA system. On the HOV, a giant heart appears to beat to the song.
♫ You should have seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin’ missin’ ♫
Emerging from the locker room is REAL LOVE Darin Zion, decked out in a pink and purple robe. The words REAL LOVE are printed on the back in sequins. The sequins sparkle in the pink spotlight hitting the smug HOW superstar while he strolls down to the ring. Unphased by the fans heckling him, he swivels his hips, trying to draw the attention of the women. A cocky sneer is painted on his face as he gets down to the end of the entrance ramp.
Joe Hoffman: Here comes Real Love and he looks like he means business.
♫ And I’m gonna keep on lovin’ you
‘Cause it’s the only thing I want to do
I don’t want to sleep, I just want to keep on lovin’ you♫
Bryan McVay: Introducing first…..FROM SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA. REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL LOOOOOOOOOVE DAAAAAAAAARIN ZIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOON!!!!
Zion throws his robe on the ground, displaying his 8-pack abs. REAL LOVE starts counting them, blowing a kiss to the camera. Sliding into the ring, he poses like a French model, winking to the audience at home. While the bridge finishes, Zion leaps up to his feet. He motions back towards the entrance ramp, taunting his opponent for the evening.
Joe Hoffman: Jace Parker Davidson doesn’t look to impressed with either one of these men, and what are they doing?
Benny Newell: In GOD’s Name, stop! They’re playing rock, paper, scissors for who’s going to be in first. Fuck me.
Joe Hoffman: It looks like it’s going to be Zion as rock always beats scissors.
Benny Newell: Shut the fuck up.
Referee Matt Boettcher calls for the bell and start of the match.
DING! DING! DING!
Davidson and Zion circle each other before locking up in the center of the ring. Zion takes the immediate advantage and hooks JPD up with an arm drag that sends the HOW Hall of Famer across the ring. The crowd immediately erupts into a chorus of jeers and JPD, enraged and embarrassed, charges back toward Zion only to once again be taken down with a deep arm drag.
Benny Newell: Zion doing his best Steamboat impression out there.
Joe Hoffman: Are you the new play by play guy?
Benny Newell: Shut up, dork.
Davidson grabs at the back of his head and stares across the ring at Real Love who flashes a giant white grin and mocks JPD with a tricep flex that draws a smattering of chuckles from a few fans in the floor seats. Davidson calmly climbs back to his feet and once again they lock up in the center of the ring. This time, however, Jace is quick to drive a knee into Zion’s gut, doubling him over. Taking advantage of the positioning Davidson drives the point of his elbow into the back of Zion’s neck and Real Love collapses face first into the mat.
Benny Newell: Fuck that. Get the Final Alliance out here and get rid of this fuckin’ NERD once and for all.
Joe Hoffman: A dangerous shot from JPD and Zion is finding himself in a bit of trouble here in the early part of this match.
Davidson pulls Zion back to his feet and lands a pair of closed fisted right hands into the head of Zion which causes the Chicago native to stumble back against the ropes. Davidson then sends Real Love across the ring with an Irish whip and on Zion’s return, Davidson flattens him with a thunderous lariat. Davidson quickly makes a cover and hooks a leg as Hall of Fame referee Matt Boetcher slides in for the count.
Joe Hoffman: Cover by JPD!
1!
…
…
2!
…
…
Benny Newell: Kick the fuck out you nerd-bitch!
Joe Hoffman: Just on time, Zion kicks out before the count of three!
Davidson gives Boettcher a cross look as he grabs a fistful of Zion’s hair and lifts him to his feet. Again Davidson drives a few punches into Zion’s head, but this time backs him into the corner. Davidson wastes no time and stays on the attack as he whips Zion across the ring and sends him slamming into the opposite side turnbuckle. Zion, on queer street, stumbles out of the corner and…
Joe Hoffman: SPEAR! HOLY COW WHAT A SPEAR FROM JPD!!!
Benny Newell: Mother…
As Zion stumbled out from the corner, Davidson sprinted from across the ring and absolutely flattened the former three-time ICON Champion. Davidson makes another cover and the referee, right on top of the action, slides in for the count.
1!
…
2!
…
Joe Hoffman: OH! Scott Stevens with an elbow drop onto the back of JPD’s head to break up the count!
Boettcher springs to his feet and shouts Stevens back to his corner as Zion and Davidson both slowly climb back to their feet. Both men, in the center of the ring, begin to exchange right hand for right hand as the crowd cheers on Davidson and boos the supposed Final Alliance member.
Benny Newell: It’s about time Stevens did something right, but Jesus…someone send a real Final Alliance member out here so we can get rid of this shitbrick once and for all!
Jace throws a wild haymaker attempting to take control of the situation but Zion ducks underneath and hits the ropes. Davidson turns to meet his opponent in the center of the ring but instead is dealt a running spinning wheel kick from Zion and Davidson is suddenly flat on his back in the middle of the ring. Zion, seemingly shocked by what’s transpired, looks down at Davidson and then at the ropes.
Joe Hoffman: What is Zion thinking here Benny?
Benny Newell: Wondering why his dick is the same size it was in the second grade?
Joe Hoffman: Class act.
Zion runs toward the ropes and using the second rope as a springboard, Zion executes a backflip but Davidson quickly rolls out of the way.
Joe Hoffman: Zion landed on his feet! OH! SLINGBLADE FROM DARIN ZION! JPD IS DOWN AGAIN!!
Zion quickly makes a cover and Boettcher is right there for the count…
1!
…
Benny Newell: If Zion pins this fuckin’ dork, I will fucking die!
…
2!
…
…
Joe Hoffman: JPD kicks out!!
Davidson is able to kickout a beat before Boettcher’s hand hit the mat for the third time and the match continues. Zion jumps back to his feet and gives Davidson a couple of hard stomps before he reaches over and makes the tag for Stevens.
Joe Hoffman: Tag by Darin Zion and we’ll see Scott Stevens in this match for the first time tonight.
Benny Newell: Welp…
Stevens, full of bravado, saunters across the ring and he too drives a couple of stomps down onto Davidson before lifting him to his feet. Stevens backs Davidson into the ropes and throws him into the opposite side ropes. On return, Stevens goes low with a chop block and Davidson is sent in a somersault across the ring. Stevens, clearly proud of himself, gives a big smile to the crowd and throws his arms up in the air as the crowd rains down with boos.
Benny Newell: He’ll fuck this up, you watch. I’ve seen way too many Scott Stevens matches to not know how this is going to end!
Stevens slowly and confidently walks across the ring and grabs a handful of Davidson’s hair and lifts him to his feet. Stevens lifts his fellow Hall of Famer up onto his shoulder and charges toward the corner, driving Davidon’s lower back into the corner. Davidson lets out a heavy grunt as the thud of the buckle echoes throughout the arena. Stevens backs up a few paces and then charges in for a Stinger Splash, but Davidson moves out of the way and hits the ropes as Stevens goes face first into the top of the ring post.
Joe Hoffman: Stevens goes headfirst into the post! He’s got to be hurt and he’s on stumble avenue at the moment!
Stevens stumbles out of the corner, his eyes completely blank and he walks right into a superkick from Davidson. Stevens doesn’t go down however, instead he’s knocked backward and out of the ring. Zion, seemingly concerned hops off the ring apron to check on his partner when out of nowhere…
Joe Hoffman: SUICIDE DIVE FROM JPD! ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN AT RINGSIDE!
Benny Newell: Of course…
Davidson is right back to his feet and he quickly drags Stevens back to his feet and rolls the Texan back into the ring. Davidson slides in after him and quickly climbs to the top rope, but somehow Stevens is back to his feet and in a hurry, the Scorpion climbs up to the top rope with Davidson.
Benny Newell: What the fuck does he think he’s doing up there!?
Joe Hoffman: Both men up top and both men are throwing punches, but somehow Stevens has the upperhand!
Davidson appears to have been rocked by a stiff right hand, but he seems to have quickly regained his composure and he shoves Stevens from the top rope and Stevens lands flat on his back in the center of the ring. Davidson stands on the top rope and leaps for a flying elbow, but Stevens showing a bit of resilience rolls out of the way and Davidson crashes into the mat as the crowd erupts into a frenzy of boos.
Benny Newell: Let’s go you toxic spider fuck!
Joe Hoffman: Scorpion, Benny.
Benny Newell: They’re both arachnids, dipshit. Same shit.
Joe Hoffman: That’s surprisingly correct, Benny. Stevens makes the tag and Darin Zion is back in the match!
Zion is quickly on the attack and patiently waits for Davidson to get to his feet and just as he does, he backs him up with a few knife edge chops that echo throughout the arena. Davidson clutches his chest as he backs into the corner. Zion throws another blistering chop that connects, but instead of doing any damage it seems to only enrage Davidson and he fires back with his own chop that immediately raises a seven inch long welt across Zion’s chest.
Benny Newell: HAMBURGER!
Joe Hoffman: What a chop from JPD!
Zion grabs a hold of his chest and grimaces in pain, leaving his head wide open for a stiff right hand from Davidson. Zion stumbles back against the ropes and stumbles back out to the center of the ring and Davidson lifts him and spikes him headfirst into the mat with a deadeye driver!
Joe Hoffman: What a move from JPD! Stevens is in the ring!
Benny Newell: Let’s go you Lonesome fuck!
Stevens is on the attack but Davidson ducks his clothesline and Jace doubles him over with a kick to the gut. Davidson, seizing the opportunity, hits the ropes and absolutely flatlines Stevens with a V trigger knee. Stevens crumbles to his knees and Davidson is back with another V trigger knee that puts Stevens flat on his back.
Joe Hoffman: Jace Parker Davidson with a sudden surge of adrenaline!
Stevens rolls to the outside and Zion is quick to clobber Davidson in the back with a double axe handle. Davidson is hardly fazed, however and immediately turns to face his opponent. Zion throws a punch but Davidson blocks it and lands one of his own. Zion stumbles backward and into his corner. He reaches for the tag, but Stevens isn’t there and instead he eats a right hand from Davidson.
Benny Newell: Goddamnit Stevens!
Zion attempts to get away from Davidson, but the Hall of Famer is relentless in his pursuit and again backs Zion into a corner.
Benny Newell: YES! EYERAKE! Kick him in the dick!
An eye rake from Darin Zion momentarily blinds Davidson and that opens up just enough time for Zion to hook Jace’s hands behind his back and force him into the corner where a beaten and battered Scott Stevens waits for the tag.
Joe Hoffman: Tag! Stevens is the legal man!
Stevens is in the ring and Zion has Davidon’s arms pinned behind his back.
Benny Newell: Take his fuckin’ head off!
Stevens backs up and goes for The FIST!
Joe Hoffman: THE FIST! BUT JACE DUCKED AND SCOTT STEVENS JUST NAILED DARIN ZION RIGHT ON THE CHIN! ZION IS OUT COLD!
Stevens shockingly looks at his first and then down at Zion. Stevens bends down to check on his partner…
Joe Hoffman: BEND! THE! KNEE!!!!
Davidson takes advantage of the distracted Stevens and drives his forehead into the mat with his foot and makes the cover!
1!
…
…
2!
…
Benny Newell: Kick out you stupid prick!
…
3!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Davidson jumps to his feet and throws to fists in the air…
CCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
Joe Hoffman: What the hell!?
Benny Newell: FUCK YES!
Jace Parker Davidson collapses, face down in the ring. Standing over top of him, with a steel chair in his hand, is none other than the MERCDAD himself, Steve Solex.
Benny Newell: The Last Man in Wrestling, babay!
Solex, with a sinister grin, stares down at Davidson as a gash.
Joe Hoffman: What’s he wearing?
Benny Newell: That’s a NECKBONE Jones shirt you fuckin NERD! That’s Solex’s battle buddy and JPD put him in the fucking hospital, Hoffhole. Solex is here to get revenge.
Solex rears back with the chair and once again sends a shockwave through the arena as he cracks Davidson in the back of the head with the steel chair once more. A pool of crimson begins to form at the side of Jace’s head as Solex hoists the chair of his head and the scene fades.