Post by Jman2k3 on Mar 8, 2020 7:02:47 GMT
Joe Hoffman: Thank you once again Blaire……you know I am curious to how many steps she gets on her Apple Watch every week…….
Benny Newell: I would like to know her heart rate whenever she is…
Joe Hoffman: OK MOVING ON….Next up is a match up that has two highly anticipated in-ring debuts as the legendary Andy Murray steps into the ring for the very first time.
Benny Newell: Blah. Blah. Fucking Blah. Andy Murray better deliver or is million world title reigns and his billion Hall of Fames won’t mean shit because all of that is Fisher Price when it comes to High Octane Wrestling..
Joe Hoffman: OK…..ONCE AGAIN……..Also making his highly anticipated debut is multiple time world champion, Perfection.
Benny Newell: I like this Perfection guy Hoffman. He’s a douchebag and an asshole and I can relate. So cheers, DRINK!
“Gold” by Sir Sly begins to play over the loudspeakers and the lights in the arena turn to gold. A single spotlight hits the stage as the fans realize who’s coming out begin to give a mixed reaction.
Joe Hoffman: The crowd seems divided just like last week when the Hollywood Bruvs made their debut.
Benny Newell: How fans appreaciate talent but if you can’t deliver in our ring they’ll will turn on you.
A red carpet rolls down the ramp ending near the ring as Perfection and Andy Murray make their way from behind the curtain.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, representing 24K and weighing in at a combined weight of 510 lbs….they are PER-FEC-TION! ANDY! MURRRRRRRRAYYYYYY! 24K!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The big man strides out from the back with a loose swagger ss Perfection raises his arms accepting the crowd’s reaction to his wonderfulness. Murray has got a leather jacket on, the battered cricket bat slung over his shoulder, and a whole lot of bile in his body as he walks down, mouthing off at anyone dumb enough to hurl an insult in his direction. Perfection makes his way towards the ring taking his time to jaw-jack with fans near the rails.
Joe Hoffman: The fans better be careful because Murray is looking for any excuse to hit someone with that bat.
Benny Newell: I love it. Maybe Stevens’ inbred cousins need to suck the fuck up or get some splinters cracked into that five head of theirs.
Joe Hoffman: Five head trademark of Darkwing.
Benny Newell: Legal reasons.
Halfway down Murray switches to casually dragging the bat behind his back before finally making it down to the ring, rolling under the bottom rope, and readying himself to hurt somebody. Perfection walks up the stairs to enter the ring. He poses for all to see flexing and smiling those pearly whites.
Joe Hoffman: Murray and Perfection look ready to go.
Benny Newell: Look at those pearly whites Hoffman. I’m going to have to ask him who’s his dentist after the match.
As Murray and Perfection get ready for their opponents “6:24” by Danger begins to play.
Joe Hoffman: Last show Black Mamba looked pretty good against the Bruvs.
Benny Newell: But yet they lost.
James Ranger comes out, slowly eyeing the fans to the left and right to him.
Bryan McVay: And their opponents, first, hailing from London, England and weighing in at 200 lbs…..he is JAMES RANGER! BLAAAAAAACK! MAAAAAAAMBAAAAAAA!
A slow smile creeps on to his face, as he stops short of the ramp, the lights focus upon just James Ranger, his sunglasses reflecting the light as it transitions from white to an eerie green.
Joe Hoffman: Mamba made one crucial mistake in a match when he came in he dominated both Bruvs.
Benny Newell: But he lost.
He takes off his sunglasses, smirking as he squats briefly, surveying the arena and the ring before slowly rising to his feet and walking slowly and purposely towards the ring, the smirk now gone.
Benny Newell: Thought he was going to check his fake, pretend watch and yell it’s clobbering time there for a minute.
“Dead Man Walking” by Crucifix ft. The Lacs
The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen a Texas flag, with the words, “Texas Born. Texas Bred.” “Texas Forever.“ branded into the flag. The cheers that had once filled the arena quickly turn into jeers. The crowd knows who is about to walk out and they are letting him know it by chanting his favorite chant as the final image that is displayed across the screen is a giant hand that slowly closes into a FIST as letters slowly appear and form a message and that message reads in bold, capitalized letters… SCOTT STEVENS.
Bryan McVay: And his partner, representing the Great State of Texas, from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 256lbs, he is….CHIEF INFORMATION OFFICER. SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEVENSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
Stevens comes out, and makes his way to the ring as well. The fans in the arena waste no time sharing their feelings in a chorus of boos, and as Stevens makes his way down the ramp the HOV and music turn off.
Benny Newell: Are we going to hear it again?!?!?!?
Joe Hoffman: Guess so.
Benny Newell: Fucking awesome. DRINK!
The Texan looks back towards the ramp and the HOV comes to life with a Stevenspedia graphic that has Stevens stumped before a familiar tune plays as well.
“Have you heard about Stevenspedia?
Having to have his facts checked every time.
Have you heard about Stevenspedia?
He’s a loser but we still love him.”
“Lonesome Loser (Stevenspedia) remix” by #97Red Band ft. DJ Bottomline
Stevens just shakes his head before entering the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Two weeks in a row Stevens getting music he doesn’t like.
Benny Newell: Boo-fucking-hoo Hoffman. If he Stevenspedia himself everyone knows that that is his theme song.
Once the announcer is out of the ring, Matt Boettcher checks both individuals and calls for the bell.
Ding. Ding.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go…..
Andy Murray steps into the ring and Scott Stevens seeing this steps inside and the two men proceed to trade insults with one another.
Joe Hoffman: Once this match was announced all the bad laundry spilled out between these two men and Stevens let it be known he hates the Murray brothers.
Benny Newell: Fuck Stevens. I wouldn’t want to work with his ass either.
As Stevens and Murray continue to talk trash to one another, James Ranger grabs Stevens by the arm and motions for him to get out.
Joe Hoffman: What’s this?
Benny Newell: Stevens going to beat up his own partner if Mamba isn’t careful. I love it.
Mamba and the Texan begin arguing and the camera picks up on some of the conversation.
James Ranger: Look man, you’re going to cause us to get disqualified with how you’re acting right now. Step onto the apron and chill for a bit.
James tells Stevens as he pats him on the back.
James Ranger: I got this.
Mamba tells his partner as Stevens reluctantly steps onto the apron and watches as Murray immediately takes down Mamba with a Thesz press and begins to unleash a flurry of right hands. Murray stops the attack long enough to look at Stevens and give him the European fuck you before lowering his index finger and giving him the finger as well before deliver one final right to Mamba’s face.
Joe Hoffman: No love lost between those two.
Benny Newell: Do you think Murray will sign my I hate Stevens poster?
The King of Scot Style picks up Mamba and unravels his wrist tape and begins to choke Ranger with it.
Benny Newell: Choke that Snake!
Boettcher yells at Murray to stop before administering his count.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Fi…..
Murray lets go off the choke.
Joe Hoffman: Murray talking almost that entire five count.
Benny Newell: Perhaps Bitcher didn’t get the memo but 24K has permission to choke the shit out of Mamba. Hell, if they had a pin Lee would be fine if they Bottomlined his other eye.
Stevens reaches out for the tag as Murray sees Mamba inching towards the Texan and spits in Stevens’ face causing the former World champion to see red and bull rush into the ring cause Boettcher to stop him and force him back giving Perfection and Murray to deliver stomps to Ranger.
Joe Hoffman: Murray is getting under the skin of Stevens.
Benny Newell: Good. I like to see that inbred fucker squirm.
Murray drags Mamba to their corner and tags in Perfection and immediately draws boos from the audience.
Benny Newell: Fuck these idiots. Let’s go Perfection!
Benny shouts as Perfection picks up James Ranger and tosses him with a beautiful German suplex. Perfection goes to pick up James, but Mamba kicks him in the face that disorientates Perfection momentarily.
Joe Hoffman: This could be Mamba’s opportunity to get Stevens in.
Mamba crawls towards his corner for Stevens who is beating on the top turnbuckle to get the crowd behind him to motivate Mamba to crawl faster. As Mamba his millimeters away, Stevens is pulled from the apron by Andy Murray giving Perfection enough time to deliver an elbow to the back and drag James Ranger back towards their corner.
Benny Newell: I’m starting to like this Murray fellow. DRINK!
Perfection tags Murray back in and Mamba gets a lucky break as he shoves Perfection into Murray causing the two men to fall down giving him enough time to make it to his corner and as he reaches out to tag his partner, Scott Stevens…..hops off of the apron.
Joe Hoffman: What the heck?!?!?!?
Benny Newell: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
James Ranger: What are you doing?!?!?
Mamba asks confused.
Scott Stevens: You said you got it so go handle it.
Stevens says as he backs away from the ring.
Mamba turns around and gets decapitated by a Scottish Lariat. Murray looks at Stevens as he drags Ranger to his feet and delivers the Emerald Flowsion.
Joe Hoffman: Highland Hangover and Murray with the cover.
One.
Two.
Three.
Boettcher signals for the bell.
Bryan McVay: And your winners by pinfall, they are PER-FEC-TION! ANDY! MURRRRRRAYYYYYYYY! 24K!
Murray slowly rises to his feet not taking his eyes off of Stevens as Perfection runs into the ring and demands Boettcher raise his arm in victory. Stevens takes one last look before turning around and heading up the ramp.
Joe Hoffman: What has gotten into Stevens? Why did he leave Mamba high and dry?
Benny Newell: I don’t know, but I like it.
Benny Newell: I would like to know her heart rate whenever she is…
Joe Hoffman: OK MOVING ON….Next up is a match up that has two highly anticipated in-ring debuts as the legendary Andy Murray steps into the ring for the very first time.
Benny Newell: Blah. Blah. Fucking Blah. Andy Murray better deliver or is million world title reigns and his billion Hall of Fames won’t mean shit because all of that is Fisher Price when it comes to High Octane Wrestling..
Joe Hoffman: OK…..ONCE AGAIN……..Also making his highly anticipated debut is multiple time world champion, Perfection.
Benny Newell: I like this Perfection guy Hoffman. He’s a douchebag and an asshole and I can relate. So cheers, DRINK!
“Gold” by Sir Sly begins to play over the loudspeakers and the lights in the arena turn to gold. A single spotlight hits the stage as the fans realize who’s coming out begin to give a mixed reaction.
Joe Hoffman: The crowd seems divided just like last week when the Hollywood Bruvs made their debut.
Benny Newell: How fans appreaciate talent but if you can’t deliver in our ring they’ll will turn on you.
A red carpet rolls down the ramp ending near the ring as Perfection and Andy Murray make their way from behind the curtain.
Bryan McVay: Introducing first, representing 24K and weighing in at a combined weight of 510 lbs….they are PER-FEC-TION! ANDY! MURRRRRRRRAYYYYYY! 24K!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The big man strides out from the back with a loose swagger ss Perfection raises his arms accepting the crowd’s reaction to his wonderfulness. Murray has got a leather jacket on, the battered cricket bat slung over his shoulder, and a whole lot of bile in his body as he walks down, mouthing off at anyone dumb enough to hurl an insult in his direction. Perfection makes his way towards the ring taking his time to jaw-jack with fans near the rails.
Joe Hoffman: The fans better be careful because Murray is looking for any excuse to hit someone with that bat.
Benny Newell: I love it. Maybe Stevens’ inbred cousins need to suck the fuck up or get some splinters cracked into that five head of theirs.
Joe Hoffman: Five head trademark of Darkwing.
Benny Newell: Legal reasons.
Halfway down Murray switches to casually dragging the bat behind his back before finally making it down to the ring, rolling under the bottom rope, and readying himself to hurt somebody. Perfection walks up the stairs to enter the ring. He poses for all to see flexing and smiling those pearly whites.
Joe Hoffman: Murray and Perfection look ready to go.
Benny Newell: Look at those pearly whites Hoffman. I’m going to have to ask him who’s his dentist after the match.
As Murray and Perfection get ready for their opponents “6:24” by Danger begins to play.
Joe Hoffman: Last show Black Mamba looked pretty good against the Bruvs.
Benny Newell: But yet they lost.
James Ranger comes out, slowly eyeing the fans to the left and right to him.
Bryan McVay: And their opponents, first, hailing from London, England and weighing in at 200 lbs…..he is JAMES RANGER! BLAAAAAAACK! MAAAAAAAMBAAAAAAA!
A slow smile creeps on to his face, as he stops short of the ramp, the lights focus upon just James Ranger, his sunglasses reflecting the light as it transitions from white to an eerie green.
Joe Hoffman: Mamba made one crucial mistake in a match when he came in he dominated both Bruvs.
Benny Newell: But he lost.
He takes off his sunglasses, smirking as he squats briefly, surveying the arena and the ring before slowly rising to his feet and walking slowly and purposely towards the ring, the smirk now gone.
Benny Newell: Thought he was going to check his fake, pretend watch and yell it’s clobbering time there for a minute.
“Dead Man Walking” by Crucifix ft. The Lacs
The video screen lights up and flashes across the screen a Texas flag, with the words, “Texas Born. Texas Bred.” “Texas Forever.“ branded into the flag. The cheers that had once filled the arena quickly turn into jeers. The crowd knows who is about to walk out and they are letting him know it by chanting his favorite chant as the final image that is displayed across the screen is a giant hand that slowly closes into a FIST as letters slowly appear and form a message and that message reads in bold, capitalized letters… SCOTT STEVENS.
Bryan McVay: And his partner, representing the Great State of Texas, from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 256lbs, he is….CHIEF INFORMATION OFFICER. SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTT STEEEEEEEEEEEVENSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
Stevens comes out, and makes his way to the ring as well. The fans in the arena waste no time sharing their feelings in a chorus of boos, and as Stevens makes his way down the ramp the HOV and music turn off.
Benny Newell: Are we going to hear it again?!?!?!?
Joe Hoffman: Guess so.
Benny Newell: Fucking awesome. DRINK!
The Texan looks back towards the ramp and the HOV comes to life with a Stevenspedia graphic that has Stevens stumped before a familiar tune plays as well.
“Have you heard about Stevenspedia?
Having to have his facts checked every time.
Have you heard about Stevenspedia?
He’s a loser but we still love him.”
“Lonesome Loser (Stevenspedia) remix” by #97Red Band ft. DJ Bottomline
Stevens just shakes his head before entering the ring.
Joe Hoffman: Two weeks in a row Stevens getting music he doesn’t like.
Benny Newell: Boo-fucking-hoo Hoffman. If he Stevenspedia himself everyone knows that that is his theme song.
Once the announcer is out of the ring, Matt Boettcher checks both individuals and calls for the bell.
Ding. Ding.
Joe Hoffman: And here we go…..
Andy Murray steps into the ring and Scott Stevens seeing this steps inside and the two men proceed to trade insults with one another.
Joe Hoffman: Once this match was announced all the bad laundry spilled out between these two men and Stevens let it be known he hates the Murray brothers.
Benny Newell: Fuck Stevens. I wouldn’t want to work with his ass either.
As Stevens and Murray continue to talk trash to one another, James Ranger grabs Stevens by the arm and motions for him to get out.
Joe Hoffman: What’s this?
Benny Newell: Stevens going to beat up his own partner if Mamba isn’t careful. I love it.
Mamba and the Texan begin arguing and the camera picks up on some of the conversation.
James Ranger: Look man, you’re going to cause us to get disqualified with how you’re acting right now. Step onto the apron and chill for a bit.
James tells Stevens as he pats him on the back.
James Ranger: I got this.
Mamba tells his partner as Stevens reluctantly steps onto the apron and watches as Murray immediately takes down Mamba with a Thesz press and begins to unleash a flurry of right hands. Murray stops the attack long enough to look at Stevens and give him the European fuck you before lowering his index finger and giving him the finger as well before deliver one final right to Mamba’s face.
Joe Hoffman: No love lost between those two.
Benny Newell: Do you think Murray will sign my I hate Stevens poster?
The King of Scot Style picks up Mamba and unravels his wrist tape and begins to choke Ranger with it.
Benny Newell: Choke that Snake!
Boettcher yells at Murray to stop before administering his count.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Fi…..
Murray lets go off the choke.
Joe Hoffman: Murray talking almost that entire five count.
Benny Newell: Perhaps Bitcher didn’t get the memo but 24K has permission to choke the shit out of Mamba. Hell, if they had a pin Lee would be fine if they Bottomlined his other eye.
Stevens reaches out for the tag as Murray sees Mamba inching towards the Texan and spits in Stevens’ face causing the former World champion to see red and bull rush into the ring cause Boettcher to stop him and force him back giving Perfection and Murray to deliver stomps to Ranger.
Joe Hoffman: Murray is getting under the skin of Stevens.
Benny Newell: Good. I like to see that inbred fucker squirm.
Murray drags Mamba to their corner and tags in Perfection and immediately draws boos from the audience.
Benny Newell: Fuck these idiots. Let’s go Perfection!
Benny shouts as Perfection picks up James Ranger and tosses him with a beautiful German suplex. Perfection goes to pick up James, but Mamba kicks him in the face that disorientates Perfection momentarily.
Joe Hoffman: This could be Mamba’s opportunity to get Stevens in.
Mamba crawls towards his corner for Stevens who is beating on the top turnbuckle to get the crowd behind him to motivate Mamba to crawl faster. As Mamba his millimeters away, Stevens is pulled from the apron by Andy Murray giving Perfection enough time to deliver an elbow to the back and drag James Ranger back towards their corner.
Benny Newell: I’m starting to like this Murray fellow. DRINK!
Perfection tags Murray back in and Mamba gets a lucky break as he shoves Perfection into Murray causing the two men to fall down giving him enough time to make it to his corner and as he reaches out to tag his partner, Scott Stevens…..hops off of the apron.
Joe Hoffman: What the heck?!?!?!?
Benny Newell: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
James Ranger: What are you doing?!?!?
Mamba asks confused.
Scott Stevens: You said you got it so go handle it.
Stevens says as he backs away from the ring.
Mamba turns around and gets decapitated by a Scottish Lariat. Murray looks at Stevens as he drags Ranger to his feet and delivers the Emerald Flowsion.
Joe Hoffman: Highland Hangover and Murray with the cover.
One.
Two.
Three.
Boettcher signals for the bell.
Bryan McVay: And your winners by pinfall, they are PER-FEC-TION! ANDY! MURRRRRRAYYYYYYYY! 24K!
Murray slowly rises to his feet not taking his eyes off of Stevens as Perfection runs into the ring and demands Boettcher raise his arm in victory. Stevens takes one last look before turning around and heading up the ramp.
Joe Hoffman: What has gotten into Stevens? Why did he leave Mamba high and dry?
Benny Newell: I don’t know, but I like it.